To cancel DD’s dance comp after what she said to her little brother?

Worse than the OP . What kind of adult suggests ridiculing a child . I do hope you don't have children .

Unless the dance is a solo, your punishment will punish other children as well.

Even if it is a solo, it is still not an appropriate punishment for something she has worked for so long.

you are showing a great amount of resentment over a very normal level of support required of a dance parent. Stoning a top is hardly a big request.

you should take some responsibility for where you left the top on the first place. Something that required that much work should have been better protected

Would you tell abusive names? At an 8 year old who could form a whole view of himself over it.

Absolutely you are incredibly unreasonable if you cancel this!

I agree with others that it’s way OTT

8 is not even that little - it’s old enough to be careful around an item that’s important to his sister and not “accidentally” (carelessly?) spill juice on it.

Of course she’s been talking about it for ages - it’s important to her and she’s been working hard. Of course she wanted a nice top. Why is it so difficult for you to help her decorate it?

And how best to teach her that he does indeed spoil everything than to pull her out of the comp because of his actions?

I have a 16 yo DD who is NT and an 11 yo DS with ADHD. She can find her younger brother terrifically annoying at times but by and large is patient - but it’s not easy to have a younger sibling, especially one with a condition that can make them seem clumsy or careless. If she were to name call him like this (and I’m thinking of when they were younger like your two) I’d have found a punishment, yes, but no one that confirmed the very fear that she’d had in the first place!

So bullying an 11 year old is your answer? And if any parent chose to ridicule their child like that in front of me, I would be speaking to their school and raising a safeguarding concern.

It's clear the OP favours her "little one". She should focus on being a better parent and trying to save the relationship between the siblings.

Yeah you have gone too far and totally overreacted.

I would have been devastated if it were my outfit ruined too.

Okay so she said something a bit mean. She is 11 and emotions were high. Haven't we all said shit stuff in the heat of the moment?

And now, on top of her being upset about her outfit which obviously means a lot to her, you are going to stop her going at all?

The top shouldn't have been in the position where it could have had something spilled on it in the first place and your 'not so little one' needs to accept the accident and his part in in it and apologise to your DD. But you only seem to be focussed on her having to apologise to him!

Not letting her go is cruel IMO.

You sound like you favour your son and say 'bless him' but no empathy for your DD who has had her top ruined.

Don't be ridiculous, no one needs to be ridiculing anyone else, particularly a child.

Me too! Poor girl.

I get it - you’re stressed and so is she. Just like she’s said something unkind in the moment as a result, you’ve gone overboard with your response as a result.

It’s not too late to apologise and retract your punishment. You can have a chat with her and ask her to instead think about what she will do to make things right with her brother (e.g. play his favourite game with him, write him a card, buy him a present out of her pocket money). That would be a much more appropriate consequence to her behaviour than cancelling the dance competition, and less detrimental to her relationship with her little brother going forward.

I doubt if the OP is coming back . If you do then re-read your post. You DD has been excited and chatting ( not " banging on " ) about the upcoming competition. You sound if you have begrudging helped get her an outfit ready , not enjoyed making something that would give her joy . You have then completely over reacted to her ( understandable ) outburst.

Of course she should apologise to her brother for name calling but if your eight year old cannot manage a cup of juice you need to supervise him better .
I also suspect your DS is your partners child and your DD is not .

God you sound as foul as the OP.

I feel very sorry for your daughter. She will have been training for weeks for the competition and it obviously means a lot to her and costumes for dance competitions are extremely important so she probably did have to have the sequins.
Of course she lashed out she was stressed and very upset that her brother had ruined her costume
Of course you shouldn't cancel her competition. It is very cruel

How about getting both of them to apologise to each other. Surely the top will be dry if you wash it tonight and DD can still go. In future it might be as well for her to put another top on the day before. It would be very mean to cancel her event.

The punishment is over the top and not fair on your DD. How much does her sibling ruin/touch her stuff or generally annoy her? I would leave it for you to both calm down and then have a chat about what is going on.

So, OP - imagine - you have been preparing for a job interview for weeks. It's really important to you. You're got your suit of clothes out, all ready. And your DD spills a drink over them the night before. You'd be really cool about that, would you?

Although I'm guessing that if your son spilled the drink, there would be more forgiveness... 🤔

Yes as PP why are you blatantly favouring your DS over your DD ?

No, don't cancel. She'll hate her brother even more if you do as she'll blame him, and will forever hold it against him.

It sounds to me that you prefer your DS to your DD. You said that your DD has been "banging on" for weeks. Is that really how you, as a mother, would describe something that is important to your daughter? As a parent, your child's interests, should be important to you too.

I would be fuming if my outfit or clothing was ruined too, as would you.
What if it was sentimental? Or expensive? Or something for work?

Why would an eight year old be crying over spilling a drink? Unless it's learned behaviour by receiving unjust punishments, or he's just being a brat who enjoys getting a rise out of his sister by ruining her things.

You need to give your daughter an apology.

Too old to be acting like that. I would just leave her at her friend's house after ridiculing her in front of the parents, TBH. And no competition. Maybe then she will think twice next time before being so horrible with her choice of words.

Right?! That reply has me rolling my eyes.

"Your child has behaved like a child so turf her out of the house to her pal's, and tell her pal's mum what a little brat she is to embarrass her into apologising"

Glad you're not my mam @BrickJoker if that's how you parent!

You over reacted, don't cancel her competition!

This is a completely disproportionate reaction to what happened.

Even by the way you've worded your post you sound like you very much favour your 'little one', who I assumed would be a toddler, not 8 years old.

She needs to apologise and realise that she can't speak to anyone that way, but honestly, I feel sorry for her.

This can’t be real surely ?

No one could be that nasty to their DD and cancel their dance competition

She’s a child and why would you choose to shame a child that way? Are you trying to make sure OP continues to have a difficult relationship with her daughter?