To cancel DD’s dance comp after what she said to her little brother?

I don't disagree with you, actually, but let me just get this correct now:

• You're assuming complete knowledge of the 8-year-old's true intentions, that he did it deliberately, when he immediately started crying (very telling). What we know for a fact is the daughter called him a freak who ruins everything.
• Blaming the mother for the son's spilling of the juice, and any previous behaviour.

Nothing wrong with me. I can read. You may like to try it, starting with the OP's posts.

OP said that the 8 year old isn’t easy, implying he isn’t in fact perfect

Massive overreaction on your part. Also, pulling out of the comp will affect all the dancers/dance school. It would be very selfish to do that.

On what basis are you suddenly determining that the boy is anything at all? What a horrible attitude. All the kid has done is be 8 and spill a drink.

the girl is the one who has demonstrated nasty behaviour. Something wrong with you if the OP has you demonising the 8 year old on the basis of having spilt a drink. He has literally not done anything else at all. What’s wrong with you ?

I feel really sorry for your daughter. She’s been training and is excited (‘banging on about it’ aka being enthusiastic) and her outfit has been spoiled.

She shouldn’t be calling her brother a ‘freak’ but I think the “who spoils everything” bit needs unpicking. Does he spoil things regularly for her? Is he treated differently to her? Does she feel (rightly or wrongly) that you prefer him to her?

Cancelling the comp could make her resent him more but she will remember this and could resent you. I know so many adults who feel their sibling is the favoured golden child and often it’s the older child (and female)who is held to very different standards.

I am an adult my DH is an adult and if either of us had accidentally spilled a drink over an important outfit we would probably both react with harsh words. I would have called him a clumsy prick and he would most likely call me a clumsy bitch. Then after a while we would calm down and apologise. It is a natural reaction might not be great but its human nature.

I wouldn't be so sure it was an accident. And perhaps if her mum actually did something occasionally about his behaviour, that she herself thinks is hard, then perhaps the daughter wouldn't have said what she did. Everyone has their breaking point. Being treated like an adult while your 3 year younger brother gets treated like a toddler ( with the bless him, and little one) will damage the daughter's mental health.
All 3 should be apologising.

And he might well, just possibly, turned on the waterworks because it always gets his DM on his side! Who knows - we are not being told the whole story.

Only ever issue an ultimatum that you're prepared to follow through. If you let her go now you're telling her you don't mean what you say and give her the green light to not change her behaviour. She knows you're a pushover.

Having said that, siblings piss each other off and do dumb stuff. She knows in her heart of hearts her brother didn't do it on purpose and probably would have calmed down after some time alone.

As a pp said you're not being consistent. Either your 8yo is an adorable tiny child who cannot be expected to control his limbs, in which case she's not much older. Or your dd is plenty old enough to control her emotions, take unfortunate events on the chin, in which case her brother isn't much younger.

Fwiw in this house she wouldn't have had a chance to shout at him because I would have got there first. He's 8, that is old enough to be careful around important things.

Also…I would bet my house that the eldest has a different dad to the youngest, the way op talks about her

Not weird at all. This is when we are supposed to be teaching dc not to do this so they don’t turn into the abusive adults people hate on so much.

it’s called parenting.

it’s not ok to be calling people freaks and then showing complete disrespect by rudely answering back and doubling down on the nasty verbal attack.

Since when are you spoilt for not wanting your important things to be ruined?
You’ve such a strange outlook.

The girls mother clearly has no interests in her hobbies and can’t really be bothered with her, seems like a long way off spoilt.

Your poor daughter.

Imagine you had something that you are excited and likely nervous about...you want everything to be perfect and someone spills a drink all over your top that you needed to wear. ..put yourself on her shoes for 5 minutes! Ok, she shouldn't have spoken to her brother like that but she was likely shocked, upset and angry...they are ok emotions.

You shouldn't use a punishment that you will either have to back down on, or that is way too harsh for the situation.

I'm with your partner. You over reacted

OP will have to spend the rest of her "bloody life glueing gems to a crop top" if she washes it. 😂 It seems it was too much effort to do it once, I can't see her doing it again.

This is very simple.

Both children apologise to each other and then your daughter goes ahead with the dance competition.

I'd just tell her ... its okay to be upset and angry that your brother spilt juice on your top. It is not okay to call him names. You need to apologise and think more carefully about your works and how hurtful they are. I would expect her to apologise.

I think canceling her comp is a bit extreme. It will only cause her more resentment and impact her relationship with her brother even more.

No, though I can imagine the daughter does.

You have two problems here:

1. you overreacted
2. you gave a punishment you can’t/wont follow through with

you need to sit down and talk to her, explain that she can’t react like that when she is frustrated and that you could have fixed her problem given a chance. Then tell her she gets a pass on this occasion, but only if she is kind to her sibling and apologises. And that if it happens again you won’t stop her going to dance (as it lets other people down) but you will {insert reasonable punishment here}

Perfectly put, and so true. You should examine your conscience OP and be honest with yourself about your unfair strong preference for DS.

No one said what she said is ok.

That you are comparing the actions of a child to the actions of a grown man is, at best, bizarre. Kinda weird actually.

Two users witih names beginning with 'b' are clearly trolling the thread. Let's focus on helping the OP and her kids, not fighting them.