To feel weird about DHs comment about his DD

So you can call her gorgeous, but your husband isn’t allowed to express concern that she might get too much attention from boys because she is beautiful, and he would rather she got on with her studies? Wtf

Sounds to me like he didnt anything weird by it, just probably the wrong choice of words

He never said this at all! What an utterly bizarre take. You wouldn’t say this if it was a mother saying the exact same thing! He’s acknowledging that his DD is exceptionally pretty and is concerned that this will result in a large amount of male attention that will distract her from her studies. As I said above, Cambridge is a massive, massive thing and you only get one shot! I’d have exactly the same concerns but wouldn’t dream of saying it to my DD. Nothing wrong with what he said! Dads can acknowledge that their DDs are pretty/beautiful/attractive without there being some kind of sickening meaning, you know! 🙄

just sounds like he’s worried she’ll be distracted from her studies by boys as there will no doubt be plenty interested in her 🤷🏻‍♀️ Going to Cambridge is huge (& expensive, let’s not forget!) and I think it’s normal for a parent to worry that their child will become distracted by one thing or another. Nothing wrong with what he said, just worded differently than how I’d have worded it, but not by much.

He's a father who hasn't been actively involved in the raising of her.
Now, he finds himself in a position of his beautiful young daughter coming to uni in this country and living with you when she is not in Cambridge.
Sounds like he's maladaptive flapping over the responsibility. Like, suddenly, this amazing, beautiful creature is suddenly going to be more present in his life and the 'weight of responsibility' is suddenly hitting him in a way it hasn't before.
His wording is clumsy, but it doesn't raise any red flags for me.
This, from someone whose father said I looked 'fit", having not seen me for 2 years at 17 (and having lost a shed load of weight) 🤮

Sounds a bit too over protective and said clumsily.

She's his little girl and he's worried about her safety, because he knows what a lot of men and young men are like. Especially when in a scenario where they are drinking etc.

He's comfortable to tell you his worries. There doesn't need to be some sordid meaning behind it.

Your DH knows she will be targetted by undesirable men who are not interested in her brain or personality because she is good looking. He is worried that the more liberal and exciting university lifestyle she will soon be a part of may be something she finds distracting.

Just reassure him that she is not stupid.

You can think someone is attractive without being attracted to them. Should've know some weridos on MN would immediately* *jump to this. Do you not have any attractive family members?

@Tbrh she isn't disgusting at all. I'd say he's attracted and also showing off about how beautiful his daughter is. A father who hasn't had much to do with his daughter growing up isn't going to be worried about her....he's just using as an excuse to endlessly talk about her beauty.

He never said that, you're disgusting for assuming that!

I feel you're reading too much into it. Think about it, she's basically coming on an adventure, different country, lots of freedom, and he's probably worri3d she'll be more into partying than her studies which is probably a valid concern

My friends mum often comments on what a stunner she is. And how she attracts so many men but can you blame them, with her looks. It’s weird.

I think you're overthinking it - he's just concerned about his daughter. However mature she is, she is only 18 and I think any dad seeing his daughter go out in the world will be worried about her meeting men and possibly getting into situations where she might be at risk. Especially if she's had quite a sheltered upbringing.

Yeah I agree

This.

I wonder if it’s clumsy wording because him talking about different issues didn’t develop naturally. It’s like he is not used to this new feeling that she is grown up. Maybe something happened that made him thinking about it? Not necessarily even with her.
it’s like if you see someone’s kids occasionally you don’t know how to talk to them and even how to ask about them after not seeing them for a while.
Also I wonder if his comments have annoyed you because you have boys so in a way you are from the camp he is blaming.

Is everyone missing the point where it sounds like he's basically saying he's attracted to his daughter?!?!? I'd feel completely disgusted by that comment.

Well if she was at a strict all girls catholic school and living at home with a strict mum, he might reasonably be less worried than when she’s going to uni. It sounds like maybe before uni he could sort of “outsource” his worrying about her to her mum, while he was able to relax a bit more thinking “well her mum’s go this covered, she’ll be fine”. Whereas now she’ll be away from home so he’ll worry more.

I think her only going to a girls school, Mum being overprotective (perhaps not letting the daughter experience much of life or have a boyfriend maybe?), and being quite immature, are perhaps the drivers behind his comments

I'd argue being unattractive hetero young woman causes more 'boy distractions', if you're used to male attention and know you're good looking it makes men take dating you seriously and you're validated and reassured of your looks everywhere you almost don't need to be in an actual relationship to feel and know you're desired and wanted. I think the dad was speaking as a hopefully reformed historic player who broke some hearts and ruined some girls lives.

It sounds like he's projecting on her. I generally find dads of girls or those who grew up with sisters that they got on with respect women and have more appreciation to their humanity more than those who didn't mix much with women without her being their mother or lover.

It's weird, a combination of sexism (what a fluffy little brain she has) and over protectiveness.

I wonder if he doesn't see her much and so suddenly realised she's all grown up and has to go out into the world and it feels too much too soon.

Tbf I've known lots of Cambridge students and they are a nerdy academic lot. There's a big pressure from the colleges to focus on your academics rather then hobbies etc. there are probably more boardgame cafes and escape rooms in the city then clubs. Students make up about 20% of the population in terms time.

There are lots of places I would be far more wary of sending my child. Assume she's in halls for her first year? Yeah she'll be absolutely fine. Might fall in the river while punting....

So he wants to, what, put her in a Burka? Confine her to the house?

So what if she dates boys, or goes wild?

It's her life.

I would see his gatekeeping comments as concerning, and indicative of a sexist, misogyny.

I'm conventionally attractive and I can't say my dad ever made comments like this about me (and I look identical to my mum, who he would always gush about how attractive she was) so this seems odd to me.

Maybe it's different because he didn't raise her day to day?