School Mum mean to me

I've only ever had this once. It shook my confidence. I remember messaging her asking was all ok and she said I thought you'd text everything is fine. I then realised she was a narcissist. I thought you don't deserve my anxiety. You get a kick out of making other people feel bad. Id never ever treat anyone like that. If someone had contacted me worried they'd offended me I'd be reassuring and kind. Years later, I bumped into another school Mom and she told me she'd done exactly the same thing to her and other Moms. This isn't about you OP. It's about her and her Narc ways getting a kick out of you being insecure. She's an idiot. Don't give her a second thought.

So the Army havd an expression for this: owning thd ground. This means you must be bright and smiley but walk past. Do not avoid her, but don’t seek her out. My indtinct is to hide away at the school gates from thd scowler but don’t give ground to her - that’s what she wants

I would just match her energy and be cold back. And I wouldn’t lose sleep on what happened. Rather than what have I done wrong… wow she’s a weird and irrational person.

Possibly she's just one of life's unpleasant people, But, most likely scenario is that the 1 time she scowled was a mistake, and was scowling at something else or accidentally scowling and the blanking/actively ignoring is because she's not sure where she stands with you (as you aren't with her) so doesn't want to be first to smile/wave and strike up a conversation for fear of looking stupid - given that she still messages in a cheery way I'd say this is the most likely scenario. Intentionally mean people are pretty rare, whereas misunderstandings are very common.

Maybe she thinks you went cold and her questions she could have asked anyone were to try to reach out, but you responded with generic responses and never made any attempts to initiate contact. She probably thinks she did something wrong for you to change your behaviour towards her over the past year.

This may be true. It’s for you to decided whether or not to reach out to her with a ‘I have noticed you’ve really cooled to me I am thinking perhaps I have offended you. I’m not sure how as that was not my intention.’ She sounds really thin skinned and easily upset so it’s for you to decide what is easier for you.

I have this at my school. There's a clique of mums who are hot and cold with everyone. They went to school together, stayed friends and have married within the clique. I think they are scared of being associated with the wrong faces but then they struggle because their children can't only be friends with each other at school so they have this hot and cold behaviour. Having heard some of their gossip they are like mean school girls

Forget it and move on.
It doesn't sound like you're compatible as friends.

I need to grow a back bone and stop caring so much what other people think about me.

Basically, yes. This is the only solution. Please don't try to confront her; that would be a huge overreaction and would put off any other parents who heard about it.

Just block her on your phone and on SM so out of sight and out of mind. Eventually she'll become a distant face you sort of recognise but don't need to acknowledge. I did this with someone after she behaved similarly but the problem now is she wants a relationship & I don't! 🤔

Sounds like she wants to be chased and have you put in effort, you backed off where previously you had been taking the lead and kept putting things back in her court. Maybe she thinks you went cold and her questions she could have asked anyone were to try and reach out, but you responded with generic friendly but unenthusiastic responses and never made any effort to initiate contact. She probably thinks she did something wrong for you to change your behaviour towards her over the last year.

This is a her problem, not a you problem. Let her act however she wants - it’s how you react that important. Don’t let her have any impact on your life, feelings, self esteem because it shouldn’t.

being able to let stuff like this go will be incredibly freeing on your life. Be thankful that you don’t treat people how she treats people!

read up on the Mel Robbins Let Them theory

i think you need to make peace with not knowing. If you’ve upset or offended her then it’s unintentionally and in a way that you know nothing about . If she has a habit to dropping people and ignoring them, or if she’s distracted by some personal problem, you can’t know that either.
You do know that you have done your best to be respectful and pleasant without crowding her. Let that be enough.

She just sounds like one of life's unpleasant individuals. There's a lot of them around. Just ignore her. Act as if she isn't there. And you will soon forget she even exists.

Did you ever ask her round to yours? Or come back to her with a date to go to hers?
It sounds like she did try to reach out to you but you were unable to co ordinated a time.
The thing is, sometimes shyness or look ack of confidence can come across as disinterest?

I am quite confident, it wouldn't cross my mind that I'd annoyed her! I would wonder if she was ok? Has something bad happened that you don't know of?

Also, could this be DC related? Is your DC bullying hers?

Yes maybe she does thrive on it. Either way you need to make peace with the fact you will probably never know the reasons behind it.

Unless you call her out on her behaviour you'll never know.

Personally I'd just forget it and move on.

You are probably right it will just go round and round, people are just weird sometimes!

I would ask her after you have seen her and you have experienced how she behaves, not randomly.

Actually after your reply I think you should ask.her maybe send a message rather than face to face ask her if you have offended her as you are getting the impression you have, I wouldn't go down wanting to still be friends route though.