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Horrible argument over his smelly socks

145 replies

DietCokeAddict94 · 24/05/2025 11:29

I've just had a nasty row with my partner over smelly socks, it sounds ridiculous I know.

He has a problem with sweaty feet. They get so bad he can't put his used socks in with the rest of the washing in the laundry basket because the smell permeates everything and stinks out the whole room.

His solution is to bag them up and keep them in the hallway cupboard until the bag is full then he does his own wash load of just socks.

His work boots are also a problem. The sweating feet are so bad they actually disintegrate the boots after a while.

He has tried various powders and creams, some of which work on a short term basis then he stops with the upkeep. He refuses to see a podiatrist.

Anyway, the smell travels out from the cupboard into the hallway and I've raised it as an issue several times. I don't want that to be the first thing I (or guests) smell when coming in.

He just gets defensive and says "what else can I do?"

I suggested finding some sort of smell proof container and he had never heard of such a thing, acted as though I should have told him about the existence of things like that. My POV is that if he'd bothered to look for solutions he would have found one but it suits him just fine as it is.

I asked him to please find something like that and buy it, he then says he has to prioritise getting his phone fixed, as though he cannot possibly do both.

I was calm and respectful when I raised the issue but it descended into him shouting and me then raising my voice to get my point across (total waste of time, he doesn't listen to anything you say once he's in defense mode)

He changed the subject and started bringing up old arguments.

Am I actually being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
DietCokeAddict94 · 24/05/2025 13:06

Lots of very helpful suggestions thank you!

I'll be relaying all of this to him this evening.

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 24/05/2025 13:03

@DietCokeAddict94 why dont you put the boots one at a time on a gentle wash with a good washing powder and let them dry in the shade. I have washed leather shoes no bother loads of times. get a storage box and put it at the back door, he has to come in there, and get a smaller storage box with sealable lid and washing powder soak in it for the socks. both boxes outside. also get some charcoal for the box and insde of his boots. look for a charcoal spray for his feet.

Hankunamatata · 24/05/2025 12:33

Dh has foot issues and also takes baths. After his bath he sprays them daktarin then puts his deoderant on. Boots stay outside and there's bottle powder he leaves out there to chuck in them each morning.

Haggardandhungry · 24/05/2025 12:32

Leaving the feet issue aside, I'd find his approach to healthcare very difficult to cope with. As you say, he's needed, he has responsibilities as a parent, yet he won't see a GP when needed. No routine medical checks? Presumably would be slow to get checked out if he had worrying symptoms?

Hankunamatata · 24/05/2025 12:31

When used cloth nappies. I had a lid with a bucket and a mesh net in it in the barhroom. I'd stick teatree oil in the bottom for the smell. Then you just lift mesh bag and wash

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 24/05/2025 12:31

Shed in the garden for him and his socks? Maybe you could do a GoFundMe on here? Sympathetic mners may contribute!!

Hankunamatata · 24/05/2025 12:28

We got box of doom for teen dc. Plastic box with lid and one of those moisture absorbers with deodoriser

All his shoes live in it and it's really helped

Penthrowingsurvivor · 24/05/2025 12:28

DietCokeAddict94 · 24/05/2025 12:01

We don't, at all.

We haven't shared a bed in a long time.

The feet issue certainly hasn't helped.

how could anyone blame you!

Medical issue aside, it's astonishing that someone wouldn't be deeply embarrassed by the whole thing and at least TRYING to resolve it. You get used to smells, but people can smell their own feet!

Katemax82 · 24/05/2025 12:24

Keep an washing basket just for his socks OUTSIDE

DietCokeAddict94 · 24/05/2025 12:20

DoYouReally · 24/05/2025 12:08

You are now being as ridiculous as him.

Why would you be with a man who flat out refuses to look after his health, who disrespects and who you aren't intimate with?

You will end be bring his nurse at some stage because he refuses medical help.

What's in this for you? Why do you stay?

We have disabled children one of which has complex care needs.

Finances.

If he moved out he wouldn't be able to stay local.

I have a brain aneurysm and could drop dead at any moment, I don't much fancy taking my chances living alone with the DC in these circumstances.

It's not always as simple as just throwing somebody out. He is needed here.

OP posts:
Sera1989 · 24/05/2025 12:12

Wouldn’t the smelly socks go a bit rancid in a bucket of water unless washed every couple of days or white socks in a bleach solution? I recently had a couple of towels in a bucket of water for a week and had to throw them out the smell was so bad. I think a big lidded plastic box/tupperware would be better.

If he would be interested in suggestions, driclor roll on or Odaban before bed will stop the sweating. Shoe spray will help with smell in the boots. And Dettol laundry sanitiser works well for washing smelly things. I haven’t tried it but you can also get a foot bath that sends an electric current through your feet which would be an easy solution for a lazy person as requires minimal effort. Although as PPs have said if the smell is that bad it sounds like an antibiotic or antibacterial might be needed too

DoYouReally · 24/05/2025 12:08

You are now being as ridiculous as him.

Why would you be with a man who flat out refuses to look after his health, who disrespects and who you aren't intimate with?

You will end be bring his nurse at some stage because he refuses medical help.

What's in this for you? Why do you stay?

NotMyRealAccount · 24/05/2025 12:05

What condition is the skin of his feet in? There's a skin disease called pitted keratolysis which is caused by a bacterium and creates a very characteristic rotten smell even if the feet are washed regularly and socks changed daily. It doesn't respond to normal foot hygiene but can be treated very effectively with an antibiotic. (Chlorhexidine, mentioned above, is well worth trying if your partner is really resistant to going to the doctor.)

DietCokeAddict94 · 24/05/2025 12:01

Purplesphere11 · 24/05/2025 11:56

How do you go about being intimate? I just couldn't.

We don't, at all.

We haven't shared a bed in a long time.

The feet issue certainly hasn't helped.

OP posts:
susiedaisy1912 · 24/05/2025 12:00

He needs to get it sorted. It would be the end of the relationship for me if he couldn’t be bothered.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 24/05/2025 11:57

Plus diluted tea tree oil in water, sprayed in his boots when they are taken off, then them left to dry outside.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 24/05/2025 11:57

They can do botox injections in feet to help with hyperhydrosis which is what this sounds like.

Purplesphere11 · 24/05/2025 11:56

How do you go about being intimate? I just couldn't.

Municipal · 24/05/2025 11:54

Leave the shoes outside the front door

DietCokeAddict94 · 24/05/2025 11:53

Bucket with water and solution being kept in the bath - I think that just might crack it!

I'll tell him to make it happen.

He's going to whinge and moan about how it's not convenient for a myriad of pointless reasons but I'm sticking to my guns. I'm sick of this.

OP posts:
Redamyryllis · 24/05/2025 11:52

DietCokeAddict94 · 24/05/2025 11:45

He would never see a GP or podiatrist unfortunately, he doesn't even go to the GP for regular health problems.

I agree it's disrespectful to me and I've said that to him. I've never known anybody as defensive as him. I cannot raise anything without him feeling attacked and becoming petulant.

If he won't take responsibility for his health generally than I don't know what you can do.
Sadly, I think you have a bigger problem than stinky socks.

Picklechicken · 24/05/2025 11:52

Is he not actually washing his feet?! Sounds absolutely disgusting.

DietCokeAddict94 · 24/05/2025 11:51

He works nights and has a bath first thing in the morning when he gets home, so he does wash regularly. He doesn't have generalised body odour or a sweating issue anywhere except his feet.

Thank you for the suggestions btw

OP posts:
Penthrowingsurvivor · 24/05/2025 11:50

Keep the napisan bucket in the bath or the shower? Just move it when you actually use the bath. No risk of water spilling everywhere if someone kicks it too.

He should also see a GP, that's not normal.

outerspacepotato · 24/05/2025 11:50

He should see a doc but if he won't do you have chlorhexidine gluconate liquid soap there? The brand name here in the US is Hibiclens. Have him do a patch test first in case of allergy, then he can wash his feet with that.

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