AIBU to think this is bullying?

I think when managers resent people going off sick, it is a symptom of the lack of adequate budget in the system and the stress of having to find cover. It is not really the fault of the manager and of course not the person who is genuinely sick. But it is a symptom of how underfunded some public systems are.

The head of department is answerable of course to the head and parents and pupils. They are under pressure. And some might inadvertently let that show to the person who is off sick. That’s not right but I can see how bad systems make this happen.

Exactly. It's about transitioning back to normal. And in my particular case, how much of a fuckwit do you have to be to begrudge someone having lunch with a friend 3 days after breast cancer surgery? That's why I know HR will slaughter him if/when I tell them.

Yes, I work in the NHS. And I see managers try and hide their scepticism when people come back at six months.

I don’t know if I would describe it as bullying but it’s terrible LM and a very high-risk strategy from her point of view. I’m sure whoever LM’s her would be unimpressed.

If I was in your position I would be pissed off and feel unsupported. But I think the most pragmatic course of action would be to do what a pp said and arrange an informal catch up. It may not be your responsibility but it would be in your best interests to get the working relationship back on track.

It’s poor management but I wouldn’t class it as bullying, necessarily

This reminds of a conversation at work many years ago with a colleague who thought if you were signed off sick you should never leave the house until you went back to work. Years ago when off after an ectopic when I had major surgery the nurse employed by the company I worked for advised me to get out of the house. She was so right because I was starting to not wanting to go out. How are you supposed to know if you are getting better if you don't start going out. Going out for a couple of hours with a friend to a coffee shop is not the equivalent of doing a full days work. The same when I was off with depression and anxiety. Those visits to friends etc where part of what helped my recovery.

In your opinion.
I have my opinion, so let's agree to disagree.

Some managers seem to take offense when you're off sick, as if you're off as a way of personally insulting them. My manager is one of them and I'm reaching the end of my tether with him. I was off for 6 months last year, came back on reduced duties, and now I'm signed off again for another month. He's furious about it and is now kicking off as he saw me 'looking pretty healthy' in a cafe with a friend. Thankfully HR are wonderful and will crucify him if he does anything against him. So he can rage away, I don't care.

FWIW, I agree with the PP too.
You appear to be looking for something to be unhappy about out. You are the one who has been away. Make an effort to see your boss and catch up, especially as you are part time so it’s not easy to catch you at work, in staff meetings etc.

Agree. Same where I work 6 months full pay then amazing recovery and back at work when it drops to half pay

Definitely not bullying.

Honestly the fact you even suggest it's bullying shows me your colleagues are probably wary of you and keep their distance in case you accuse them of something and go off sick again.

Where I work public sector if someone off Long term. With stress we are not allowed to contact them. All contact is directly through HR. Any direct contact to be avoided in case accusations of adding to their stress are put forward.

Tbh, I think all this could have been nipped in the bud six weeks ago. Maybe you could have just popped your head round the door and suggested a catch up/whether any issues you need to be aware of, which you need updating on. To be harbouring this for six weeks means it’s now made things awkward. Just go into work after the holidays and knock on her door. You will feel so much better.

Tbh, your HOD sounds like a right bitch. Whatever happened to good manners? 🙄

She definitely should have checked in when you came back, I think schools/teachers often aren't great at management because people get into it to teach, so they get scared, contact HR and let them do it all. I suspect she didn't contact you when you were off because she was worried it was harassing when you needed peace to recover, so I wouldn't dwell on it.
It won't improve unless someone changes it, I suggest you try and speak to her , knock ok her door at breaktime or pull her to one side in the staff room and try a "we've not caught up since I got back, can we pop a monthly catch up in, I really value your support and I've missed catch ups, it'd also be great to get the info from any meetings I've missed"
You've then specifically asked for the help. If it doesn't happen,she's doing it deliberately or is overwhelmed/incompetent.
I do think in a lot of cases it's just lack of communication- she might think you need a break, don't want extra tasks or managerial involvement stressing you out, whereas you feel ignored. Ask for what you want, and if she's rude or unforthcoming then at least you know for sure. Assuming it's bullying is probably a stretch at this point, she's not being actively mean.

I am surprised by some of the replies you are getting OP...

The job of any manager is to be aware of what each member of their team is doing and to be in regular communication with them.

There is absolutely no excuse for her not to reply to your emails or to fail to set up regular catch-up meetings with you.

When one employee is purposely treated differently from the rest of a team, for example by being excluded from meetings or not being given the information/support they need to be able to do their job, it is indeed bullying.

If this is new behaviour from your manager after your sick leave I would assume she was annoyed that you were away for six months, especially if it was for anything to do with mental health issues/stress (as it might mean that her style of management could have contributed to your burn out and she is seeing this as a threat)

I would be very careful from now on about how you interact with her and keep detailed notes of all the emails that are being ignored and every instances where you feel excluded.

It's definitely not bullying. It's poor management. She should have checked in.

Are there no departmental meetings?

I would email him or her to request a meeting.

Exactly, there is a toxic environment in many schools. I’d find it hard to avoid my HoD though and would have had to go and have a chat myself within a week! Was your relationship before your absence like that?

Interesting response.

Name changed for this one - I can hear the bullying accusations coming as I type. Apparently I contacted one of my direct reports too often when they were on sick leave - this is despite my asking them more than once how often they wanted to be contacted. When they come back - if they come back - the relationship between us will be very, very different. There'll be no more turning a blind eye to the amount of time spent booking holidays online, ordering dried flower arrangements, coming back late from lunch, or cosy little requests for lunchtime stepdad celebrations or popping home to sort the dishwasher out.

I've never come across anything like this in 30 years in the workplace. Doesn't help that they're not really working at the level they should be e and the last manager - who left under something of a cloud - was their mate and they used to go on holiday together. Most other people in this role at this level have a degree if not a master's or are willing to study for one.

Person's sibling and best friend also work in the same department and if looks could have killed last week I'd be floating about in a sheet costume by now. The whole department is a bit weird - it's like being back in the playground a lot of the time. I'm certainly not planning on staying there long now if I can find a suitable job elsewhere. I normally stay on very congenial terms with most people I've worked with, whether they're managers or direct reports but both the organisations I've worked for in this part of the world have me scratching my head at their behaviours. It's one of the areas Reform won in the local elections, that tells you everything you need to know about their mentality and this person often makes comments that are downright racist.

One accusation that has had me going wtaf though is that apparently I follow them about - into the kitchen when they go to get a cup of tea and into other offices. Since I bring in a flask from home I'm utterly mystified on the first and the only time I've done the latter is when they were away for half an hour and I needed to ask someone in the other office something about a project we were working on.

I really do have doubts about whether it's something in the water in this part of the country as they all seem to be so bloody weird!

I don’t think this is bullying.

Many workplaces are very HR heavy these days. In my work a manager wouldn’t dream of contacting an employee on sick leave or mat leave to ask how they are. They could claim they are being harnessed when already unwell or that they feel pressured to come back to work.

As for the return to work, again many people would kick off at their manager asking how they are now after a long period of illness as it is a personal and private matter.

My employer doesn’t even give references anymore. It all has to go through HR so is very impersonal. Just “X worked in Y position for these dates” and nothing more.

It sounds like your school is the same. Anything which could be “tricky” is dealt with by HR so that everything is definitely above board.

As another poster has suggested that OP looks at this from a different perspective and OP has taken this on board and thanked that poster, your accusation that OP is just looking for a fight and to make a complaint is entirely misplaced and unfair.

Ignoring and excluding OP as punishment for being off sick is definitely unprofessional. If this woman is OP's line manager, she cannot make a unilateral decision to stop managing her. OP could have grounds for a complaint.

No not bullying or treating you badly she knows the rest of the staff better than she knows you that's all

No one is really being shitty, you just didn't get people agreeing with you that you are being bullied?

You provided limited information about background and were surprised with unhelpful responses.