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MIL guilt tripping me for divorcing husband when he might lose his job

186 replies

Chambers9 · 23/05/2025 22:50

I told my husband earlier this week that I want a divorce. Background, he told me out of the blue that he faces yet another disciplinary at work and given he was issued a final warning last year, it’s likely he will be dismissed.

I gave him an ultimatum at that time that if he did anything like that again to risk his job, I’d leave him. He works in an industry where you have to give references and disclose any dismissals if applying for a new role so he would never find new work.

He works for a big local employer for which I have friends who work in other departments. He lied to me about the reason for the final warning and I found out weeks later (from a friend) the real reason. It was humiliating for me as it was due to a remark he made to a female colleague on a night out. I was very close to walking away then.

This latest incident relates to inappropriate comments he has made (again when drunk!) on the team WhatsApp group. I cannot believe he has been so stupid.

He has obviously told his mum as I’ve had a barrage of messages tonight - I’m overreacting and heartless for kicking a man when he’s down, I should be fighting his corner, his workplace are pandering to the ‘modern worker’ whatever the hell that means.

I’m standing firm and want out.

OP posts:
YourPoliteBee · 24/05/2025 00:12

Equality Act 2010 (Disability) Regulations 2010, regulation 3(1):

Subject to paragraph (2) below, addiction to alcohol, nicotine or any other substance is to be treated as not amounting to an impairment for the purposes of the Act.

CanelliniBeans · 24/05/2025 00:09

Yuk. Definitely leave.

MignonsMorceaux · 24/05/2025 00:08

Hulabalu · 23/05/2025 23:07

Not according to AI, nor example of someone I used to work with …

"AI" isn't a source of information. You may as well say "according to typewriter".

Mumofteenandtween · 24/05/2025 00:06

I work for a FTSE 100 company. In our online learning they stated the following were not classed as disabilities (in this order):-

Drug addiction
Wearing glasses
Alcohol addiction

I remember it very distinctly because it slightly pissed me off that these three things were implied to be similar.

Renabrook · 24/05/2025 00:04

So block her and just get on with life you are getting a divorce so what is the problem?

HelenaWaiting · 24/05/2025 00:02

Whiteflowerscreed · 23/05/2025 22:59

No alcohol addiction is not classified as a disability under The Equality Act 2010

MS isn't classified as a disability under the Equality Act. Or cerebral palsy. In fact it doesn't give a list of conditions that are "classified" as disabilities at all. It simply states that a disability is "a physical or mental impairment that has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on a person's ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities". So alcohol addiction could be considered a disability.

Juiceinacup · 23/05/2025 23:08

Congratulations on your bargain twofer, getting rid of both of them by divorcing him.

SquashedMallow · 23/05/2025 23:08

A mother will always side with her son (I'd be biased for mine) that's their baby they've plopped out of their vag.

Are you picking a goody battle?

Endofyear · 23/05/2025 23:08

You're allowed to end your marriage whenever you like for whatever reason you like and it's nobody else's business. Just block her on everything.

Hulabalu · 23/05/2025 23:07

EilishMcCandlish · 23/05/2025 23:01

Bollocks.

Not according to AI, nor example of someone I used to work with …

Justmuddlingalong · 23/05/2025 23:05

Tell her to take it up with her son. Neither of them or their behaviour are your problem anymore. 💐

RedToothBrush · 23/05/2025 23:05

You are not responsible for his actions. You are not obliged to put up with shit behaviour. It is not your problem to bail him out. You shouldn't be standing by him because his mother insists!

She can look after him if he's that down.

FeedingPidgeons · 23/05/2025 23:04

She might not have the full picture

It's your call if you want to tell her, or disengage entirely

Either way, shes not the villain here.

Focus on what you want, and what you need to do to make it happen

This from her, it is just noise

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/05/2025 23:04

Tell her exactly why he’s being sacked and then block her. She’s probably just worried he’ll be moving in with her.

Good for you for finally ditching the creepy, nasty twat. Not before time by the sounds of things.

Fromage · 23/05/2025 23:04

These new fangled modern workers with their little hissy fits over nothing more than a wholesome, traditional, good old fashioned sex pest with an alcohol problem. And what he has a habit of doing when drunk, means he can't control himself, and that's an alcohol problem.

Your MIL and STBX both need a slap upside their heads.

You know, I've been drunk a lot in my life and I've never once been creepy or pervy on a work whatsapp so I'm also inclined to think he is, indeed, also a prick.

Sorry he has turned out this way, and unless you want to put up with this, it's probably best to leave him and his mother.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/05/2025 23:03

The wonderful thing about divorcing a dickhead with arseholes for relatives is that you get rid of all of them at the same time. It’s like a going away sale. Magical.

ErrolTheDragon · 23/05/2025 23:02

Tell her she should have brought him up to be more responsible and not a dick.
Bonus for getting rid of him is you’ll be rid of her too.

EggnogNoggin · 23/05/2025 23:01

No wonder he behaves that way and expects you to pander to him when mummy is falling over herself to smooth his life over. Ew.

EilishMcCandlish · 23/05/2025 23:01

Hulabalu · 23/05/2025 22:54

YANBU, but if he has alcohol problem then company should offer support as this is a disability

Bollocks.

Hulabalu · 23/05/2025 23:01

Chambers9 · 23/05/2025 22:57

He doesn’t have an alcohol problem in that he is not an alcoholic. He says (very) offensive things when drunk and doesn’t learn his lesson - it’s his fault.

He needs to go tee total I think

Chambers9 · 23/05/2025 23:00

Eenameenadeeka · 23/05/2025 22:59

Does she know what he's done? I'm sorry, sounds awful but good on you for sticking to your boundaries!

I’ve no idea if he has been truthful or not, I imagine he has told half the story or not even that like he did with me. I’m half tempted to tell her myself!

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 23/05/2025 22:59

Does she know what he's done? I'm sorry, sounds awful but good on you for sticking to your boundaries!

ItsMutinyontheBunty · 23/05/2025 22:59

In retrospect, the flaw in the plan was saying you’d leave if it happened again..because it was very likely to happen again and at that point he’d get sacked, so you’re not just ending it but ending it when he’s about to lose his job. But no, you aren’t unreasonable to want to end this. He sounds awful. He’s made bad choices and will have to live with the consequences.

Communitywebbing · 23/05/2025 22:59

You're obviously completely fed up with him and need to move on. You don't need to talk to your MIL about it, or read her messages.

Whiteflowerscreed · 23/05/2025 22:59

Hulabalu · 23/05/2025 22:54

YANBU, but if he has alcohol problem then company should offer support as this is a disability

No alcohol addiction is not classified as a disability under The Equality Act 2010