MIL guilt tripping me for divorcing husband when he might lose his job

What he is failing to understand here is that even if the person he was speaking to wasn't offended, the women he works with do not want to have to deal with comments like that in their workplace. And the team WhatsApp group is an extension of their workplace.

If there are no consequences for his behaviour, the message these women will get is that the business is completely OK with him talking about women like that, and that if they are uncomfortable with it they need to go and work somewhere else that has a more respectful culture.

It's going to be far easier for the business to replace one wanker man (especially one who is already on a final warning and can be fired pretty easily by this point) than to replace half the team after they resign in disgust. And that's assuming that they don't resign and bring claims for constructive dismissal, citing the misogynistic and sexually predatory culture in the workplace, perpetuated by one or two male staff members, which management failed to deal with.

It's clear from your posts that his employers do not want him anymore, he's more trouble to them than he is worth, and because they have been following the correct disciplinary procedures after his previous behaviour and he's had plenty of warnings, if he gets fired this time he will not have a legal leg to stand on.

As for your MIL, "stand by your man" is all very well when your man is not at fault, or even if he's made one silly mistake. But this isn't one mistake, this is a pattern of behaviour which isn't going to change. Your self respect would have to be in the toilet for you to remain married to a man with so little respect for women, let alone have to shoulder the financial consequences of him repeatedly getting fired and finding it harder and harder to get and keep employment.

Mil is freaking out she is going to be stuck with him!

It's not a flaw in the plan, it's a boundary. If that means she's leaving as he has lost himself his job that's not her fucking problem.

Good for you. Sounds as if dear Mother is the reason why he is so entitled. Behind (almost) every nightmare man, there is a pandering, enabling mother. Ditch the dead wood and make sure that he doesn't drag you down financially.

Sounds like you're better off without both of them, OP!

He sounds like a liability. You are definitely making the right decision. Ignore his mummy. Shes probably scared that hes going to turn up on her doorstep shortly!

What if the problem is that he drinks too much every day due to MH & can’t stop ?

No it isn't. It is possible that substantial and long-term physical or mental impairment from using drugs or alcohol may be classed as a disability. Being an idiot who can't hold their drink isn't. Harassing others isn't.

Oh OP I’m sorry- those messages are bloody awful and I can’t believe he’s digging in that he’s fine on this because the colleague wasn’t offended. He’s been so stupid and also disrespectful to you.

i think you’re wise to be getting out OP. Sounds like you’ve put up with so much shit in the past. The fact that he’s focused on ‘arguing his case’ rather than learning the lesson says it all.

He won't be able to 'argue his case'. He should look at the guidance on harassment on Acas.

Even if the comments weren't directed at the women in the chat, it creates a 'degrading environment' for them to work in.

Employers can’t be expected to know or believe that someone might have a MH issue unless they actually have some information that this may be the case. They aren’t mind readers.

Or maybe they have taken it into account, which is why they gave him a warning last time instead of dismissing him then

Even if someone does have a disability it isn’t carte Blanche to get away with serious workplace misconduct

Tell her in glorious technicolour.

If it makes her shut up and leave you alone, great.

If it doesn't, tell her it's not your fault that he wasn't raised to respect women but it is your duty to show your children (if you have them) that this stuff isn't acceptable.

Do it!!

Then the applicable diagnosis affording protection under the Equality Act wouldn’t be alcohol related - it would be whatever mental health condition is diagnosed, providing it meets the definition of disability under the Act. And if it doesn’t cause a problem unless he drinks, then it doesn’t meet the definition of long term and significantly impacting normal daily activity. So still not a disability.

His mum's response just confirms you're doing the right thing op. He has been brought up to take no accountability for his actions and he is being supported to continue to take no accountability. Its questionable whether he'll ever change with his mum telling him that he's done nothing wrong.

No one can know someone else’s mind. Maybe he is struggling with MH? If he continues to drink knowing it negatively affects his behaviour & can lose his career (not just his job) then that’s extreme problem. I’d guess undiagnosed MH issues like many men do who don’t seek help.
Not thar OP should put up with it. I don’t blame her for wanting divorce.
But an employer should consider that men’s MH issues often undiagnosed.

Yep, this.

It’s happened on more than one occasion, so l don’t think it can be described as out of character.

What on earth are you on about?

MS is one of the few conditions (alongside cancer and HIV infection) expressly listed in the Equality Act as a disability from the point of diagnosis

Alcohol and drug addiction are expressly excluded

This. They’d laugh him out of a tribunal. Getting pissed at office parties and sexually harassing female colleagues isn’t a disability !!

AI said that OP's DH is mummy's special little soldier and everyone is being mean to him and it's not fair.

Oh god it’s really not that hard to refrain from drinking at work if you’re prone to being a twat when drunk. I’ve had this before in a work setting- person was actually good at their job but was a walking employment tribunal when they’d had a drink. That individual had lots of warnings and stuck to not drinking for a bit… until they did at a work event and had two formal complaints made against them. It was final straw and they had to be dismissed but it was so frustrating.