MIL guilt tripping me for divorcing husband when he might lose his job

Yes agree. It’s her prerogative and you don’t need a reason to divorce. I think it’s a bit old fashioned to call it a divorce over pending job loss. If I were OP, I’d have chosen a different reason like he’s a pervy creep who sexually harasses women.

Yes, imagine not wanting to be married to a man who makes a habit of making unwanted sexual comments to his female work colleagues.

And why shouldn't it be?

Frankly the pervy and inappropriate behaviour with colleagues (including telling one she is "fuckable", which is totally disrespectful of the OP as well as the woman concerned) would be quite enough for me, job loss or not.

I was working in the 1980s and it doesn't seem we've moved too far on from the "standards" then if people are willing to defend this.

Something tells me that after her ultimatum, OP would not care exactly why or how he got a dismissal from the job. She was clear that endangering his job was unacceptable and a deal breaker to her.

Have you actually read what he did to lose his job?? It's not the loss of the job, it's HOW he lost his job.

On the one hand, you can divorce for any reason at all.

On the other hand it seems very old fashioned to divorce because of the loss of 1 job the entire marriage.

Reminds me of my GMIL who divorced GFIL when he lost his factory job because “she wasn’t going to be married to no breadline bum”

Wait, so you are arguing that this guy might have been discriminated against when you haven't even bothered to read the op's posts properly?? The posts where she tells you exactly what he said? Why are you so quick to jump to the defense of this bloke without even bothering to check what he's actually done?

He thinks he can argue his case about the latest incident as the collleague wasn’t offended

So he’s thick as mince as well as being a sexist arsehole. A prince among men.

Good call @Chambers9

Why should women have to put up with even low level sexual harassment in order to spare the feelings and finances of a man who is in complete control of his own actions and has the choice not to make these comments?

The final warning was due to telling a female colleague on a team night out that he’d never worked with someone so ‘fuckable’ and that she was wasted in their line of work (charming, I know).
The latest incident - obviously I’ve only got his word for it, and he has lied before. But he tells me he is being 100% truthful.
There was a few of them messaging in the team WA group during/after a football match last weekend (he was watching in a pub with mates so drink involved again). One of them supports a team who lost. DH directed a message at him which was a version of ‘just get your DP to suck you off to cheer you up’.

From one of the OPs earlier posts. Bear in mind this is her husband's version so not impossible to believe minimised.

People are self destructive all the time. It is not necessarily any indicator of a diagnosable MH (that strangely only manifests when drunk)

i don’t know exactly what he said, it would depend on the extremeness whether I thought someone should lose their job & career over it. I guess he was given a final warning, I don’t know why someone would be so self destructive tbh.

I'm not talking about the op. I'm asking what about this man's colleagues? The women who are on the receiving end of his appalling behaviour at work?

@Chambers9 Don't blame you for ending it. He sounds like a really stupid child. Is he a 'jack the lad' type? Thinks he's incredibly funny but really isn't?

It's his inability to learn from his huge fuck ups and put mitigations in place
Eg. Don't drink,
Leave the work WhatsApp groups,
Educate himself on societal ingrained misogyny and the patriarchy

Well done OP

Your husband is an adult. He was on a final warning in work about his behaviour and what he said. After his behaviour the last time you told him straight out that if this happened again you would be getting a divorce.
He did what he did. You then found out the full true story from a friend who was working in the same place as him.
He told his mother that you want a divorce and she decides to send you a few nasty messages.

The reality is that he should have learned his lesson after what happened the last time. She wants you to stay with him because she does not want him living with her. Then she is going to have friends ect asking why he is living with her.

To be honest you right in ending thing with him and getting his mother out of your life is a bonus.

Well done. Fuck him and fuck enabling mil

He didn't just 'lose' his job. He threw it away with his vile behaviour.

I assume that one of the reasons she is divorcing her DH is because he has sexually harassed women at work. Why would she want to stay married to a sex pest?

The fact that he has been sacked for it (after a previous final warning) is just the icing on a very shit cake for OP.

You need to tell his mum that you are divorcing him because of his history of making revolting sexual remarks to women and if she thinks that's OK in a relationship that's her look out but you will not stand for it.

YANBU for the situation with MIL but divorcing your DH because he lost his job and was too frightened to tell you (I do not condone his lying, just to be clear)

He will have made lots more comments in person too, that will have gone unchallenged.

The point where he puts it in writing he proves the proof that it's not just his word against someone else's.

Women fed up with him constantly disrespecting him, will of course act on his stupidity.

It's part of a pattern and these incidents where he has been hauled up in front of a disciplinary will be part of a bigger problem he has with women.

The fact he ignored his own wife's call for him to wind his neck in and respect women is totally in line with that attitude to women.

His mother is welcome to him.

Sounds a lot like my ex dh. Multiple incidents of work disciplinaries (2 of which led to him “leaving by agreement”), a complete and utter failure to realise he’s the problem, and a mil who can see no wrong in her beloved DS 🙄 I’ve gotten out now and so should you. I gave mine more chances than I should have (and also was browbeaten by a mil who clearly didn’t savour the idea of him moving back in with her). Don’t look back op. You’re doing the right thing. He won’t change.

I'm not aware of any MH issue (diagnosed or not) that solely manifests as making lechy remarks to/in front of women. The drink is not a reason and the drink is not an excuse. He was on a final warning and couldn't be bothered to moderate his behaviour, it is that simple.

It’s one thing I hated about my home town ( midlands mining town) - blokes would commonly talk like this out in the open as ‘banter’ ( think Lee Anderson types) and the women would just laugh it off because a lot of them were conscious of that wage packet coming in as most of them were on low wages, if they worked at all. I realise how snobby it sounds, but it was a fact . Sounds like MIL is stuck in the ‘it’s just banter’ ‘blokes will be blokes ‘ mindset. I’ve rarely heard it so openly since I moved away to ‘posher’ areas , but heard it again on a recent visit back . Personally OP the fact he hasn’t got the message would bring about divorce for me as he’s clearly a fuckwit not to have got the message first time and commenting outloud on colleagues ‘fuckability’ is hugely disrespectful and unkind to you. If MIL is unaware, I would be making that clear that it’s not one thing, it’s the final straw.

Your MIL is enough of a reason to walk away from this relationship, nevermind your irresponsible, man-child of a partner.

What's all the bollocks about 'pandering to the modern worker'? I'd be tempted to message back ''Sexual harassment was banned in the workplace 35 years ago. IDK who's worse; him for perving on women or you for enabling him.''