WIBU to email the school? Teacher now being cold

That's odd. I wouldn't feel comfortable lifting a girls skirt as a woman even. The normal thing would be to tell her to check if she's wet in the toilets.

How do you know your child's underwear has been checked? Did the school tell you this or your child? Most schools would ask a child to check themselves if there was a possibility the child had an accident. The staff member would stand outside the toilet door, whilst the child did this and also have another member of staff present. No staff member would do this on their own without another adult present - purely for safeguarding reasons. A lone teacher could be accused of touching a child or doing something they shouldn't, so should never be on their own, regardless of they are male or female. Some children do need help to clean themselves up, if they've had an accident, again two members of staff should be present. You need to be very very sure of your facts, before you make complaints of this nature. In this instance you have more or less accused the teacher of inappropriate behaviour towards your child. The staff member is going to be extremely wary how they interact with your child, and you, going forward.

You were right to complain...Why on Earth would they need to check pants if your DC has never even had an accident at school?

My DD currently has some tummy troubles and she only ever changes her pants etc at school is if she tells them. Her TA helps helps to clean her up, for which I am eternally grateful. They do not randomly check pants and this should definitely not be happening unless there are known issues, like in DDs case.

I think there's massive cause for concern here. The cold shoulder only makes him seem suspiciously defensive.

Who in the hell describes their child as "notably immaculately" 🤨

As a primary school teacher I find it incredibly unbelievable that parents can just walk into classrooms and a teacher would check wet pants in such a way. I’ve been a teacher of 6 years olds for a long time and this is far far far from standard safe practice.

I honestly would move schools. What on earth are you paying for? The basic safety of your child is not even present.

These are both safeguarding issues and the school is leaving themselves wide open to accusations or accidents which they cannot defend.

Parents are not DBS checked and should not be alone with children.

This is really not ok. I would be very cross indeed as a parent of a daughter and I’ve been teaching for a very long time. It’s not appropriate behaviour. It’s not a good thing to teach little girls that a man can just lift her skirt without permission. He should have firstly got the child to go to the toilet and check herself and then quite frankly accepted her verbal answer. If he was still concerned (why?!) two female staff members could have checked with the child’s consent. Or he could have just offered her dry knickers for her to change herself if needed.

Aaaaa yes, the suspect wet patch! And no one admitting to it but there’s always one that wiffs of wee wee!

if it were me, I would have asked your DD if they had had an accident.

She was there on her own. There should always be a member of staff there surely ?

And she didn’t say it was the teacher.

Op was very careful not to disclose if her child is a girl or a boy

Same here. Opposite complaint too. Child had messed himself and the parent complained that I hadn’t noticed. How I was meant to know when he hadn’t told me I don’t know.

Teacher here, albeit not in primary.

I imagine if kids are increasingly starting school not potty trained, there’ll be a hell of a lot of accidents even at age six. The teachers won’t have information on who was trained when and if they are prone to accidents obviously. Having said that, I’d not like my DD to be checked either - I’m just trying to think why they checked above. But I also hate the thought of her soiling or wetting herself and nothing being done about it. They should have had a quiet word and encouraged her to check in a toilet.

I imagine the teacher is upset due to the complaint - hardly surprising. Of course they aren’t going to act as normal. They can be professional without being friendly. I have taught kids of serial complainers (not that you are!) and I was certainly more succinct in my interactions with them and would have kept them to an absolute minimum if they complained about me. I’d also be very shaken by a complaint of this nature frankly and very cautious going forward.

I understand your concern and feel we don’t have all the details to make an informed judgement to support you next.
I teach reception and had the opposite complaint made. A child going home with slightly wet underwear from not wiping properly (clothes never visibly wet and child hadn’t said anything about a potential accident). I felt horrified about the prospect of an uncomfortable child but also still utterly confused by how I was supposed to know without physically checking (and why would I if there were no signs of an accident 😓).
I agree with posters above though. I wouldn’t ever physically check a child’s underwear even if I suspected an accident. I would ask the child if they hadn’t already approached me, then request they check in the toilets/get themselves changed if they are fully capable. Support is given to change if needed (not wipe unless intimate care plan in place).
I hope you get all the answers you need, OP x

ETA: I do think you would be unreasonable to email the school about the teacher’s current demeanour towards you. The complaint is being handled by the sounds of things, and things like this could rightly or wrongly (I don’t know the details) cost the teacher their career. I would wait to see the outcome of the complaint, plus there’s only one more term left of this school year.

I get why you complained but I don’t get why you are surprised the teacher is now acting differently towards you/keeping their distance. You have prioritised the safety of your child, fair enough, but don’t expect the teacher to be over the moon that you’ve made two safeguarding complaints about them. I mean, really?!

I think you might need to rethink this one. You want to make a complaint about a teacher being cold towards you because you made a complaint against them. So a double-complaint. That will surely not make things warmer.

No teacher should be checking the underwear of their class. If they really really need to, then a male teacher should absolutely not be checking a girl. Primary schools are about 95% women. There will be plenty about to check. If staff have a situation where they really must check, then two adults should be present in an open space. If nothing else, these staff members are leaving themselves wide open to complaints and investigations.