WIBU to email the school? Teacher now being cold

staff are just not bound by the same safeguarding protections that massively reduce opportunities for abuse

This just isn’t true. Not bound by the same safeguarding protections? I work in an independent school and can 100% say we are - of course we are. The OP has proved only that her school is falling short of those protections, not that indies aren’t bound by the same rules as everyone else.

Hasn’t OP just proved that it IS true?? This school is by far not the only example. I’ve heard tons of stories from family and friends about very strange behaviour at private school. A friend of mine who taught Geography at one didn’t even have a degree. Another friend’s teacher regularly visited him at his house to have dinner together/glass of wine/discuss homework when he was 15/16 and his parents were out (but aware) - the school knew and didn’t bat an eyelid. I also went to a private secondary myself and teachers regularly hugged students, the head teacher (a woman) would put her hands down the girls’ skirts without warning to unroll them! (This was all early- mid 2000s). I’d never send my DC to private school, staff are just not bound by the same safeguarding protections that massively reduce opportunities for abuse

It sounds like they don't have a clue of normal safeguarding. I would be removing my child from their 'care' immediately.

It seems unbelievable as the safeguarding you describe is so poor. I wouldn’t be happy with parents having free access to my child’s classroom. My child went to a private nursery and it was like Fort Knox to get in and out. Absolutely no holding doors for other parents and every child was password protected. It’s the same at my niece and nephew’s nursery. On the odd occasion I pick them up I am not allowed anywhere near any children until they are sure of who I am. I certainly couldn’t go into any classrooms unescorted.

So on top of what you’ve described about parents having free access to all areas there is now an issue with your DD having her pants checked. A male teacher lifting her skirt and looking into her pants in a corridor away from anyone else? I’d be very concerned.

Having worked in private schools in the younger years, I can confirm things are very different from in the state sector. At the one I worked at, staff would help children get changed and could give them hugs to console tears - perhaps there is a similar ethos at your school and he forgot that because he is male some people might look poorly upon him. I wouldn’t be happy if a male teacher did that to my daughter, either, to be fair. But we would also have parents wandering about on site if they made it through security and wouldn’t bat an eyelid because it was considered normal (we’d obviously be supervising the class carefully as usual).

But yes, if someone made a (two?) complaint(s) about me, I’d absolutely keep my distance from them. Especially if they did so without raising any issues with me first. I’d be worried about what that parent would complain about next and would not wish to give them any more fodder.

What?! You must be joking, this is absolutely not true. What complete nonsense.

Makes more sense after your update about it being a private school. Private schools can basically do what they like, without the strict safeguarding protections of a state school.

What the teacher did was totally inappropriate IMO. I’d be livid if a male teacher checked my DD’s underwear (especially without her consent). She should have been asked if she was uncomfortable and wanted to change and if so, allowed to change in private or been offered for a female teacher to help her

I would be very unhappy in both of these circumstances. It sounds as though this school is being run in an informal and unprofessional manner.

Yes, your child said they thought their underwear was wet. If this was questionable and absolutely needed an adult to check, there should have been two adults present and should have been done with the child’s permission and the upmost discretion. Looking up a skirt in the classroom is not ok.

No parents should be left alone with the pupils under any circumstances unless they have completed the relevant dbs checks.

I’m not surprised the teacher is giving you a wide berth. They have acted unprofessionally, no doubt with kindness and without thinking but not in line with how a teacher should behave.

it's probably best if you don't - continue to let them there.

For the sake of everyone involved!

If this is true, I’d be moving schools due to the absolutely terrifying lack of safeguarding of the children on a day to day basis. I have never heard of any school ever allowing parents to just walk in and out of classrooms when they feel like it. All schools have a duty of care to their pupils. This school seems beyond even getting basic safeguards in place.

the potential risk of something like the horrific attacks we’ve seen on children happening

You do need to stick with one issue and reasonable complaint. When you start going off-tangent and being over-dramatic, you lose all credibility.

TWO teachers checking a kid's underwear? That's bizarre to say the least.

You've made your point with the school. Best thing is to either leave it or move your child.

You seem to want this man's head on a stick. Not sure what else will satisfy you.

If I was accused of being inappropriate towards a child I don’t think I’d want to chit chat either!

Maybe because this is one of the many posts recently that people just don't believe to be true

Should say ex not excellent

Excellent teacher of 27 years here. If I had been told , a parent had raised SG issues about my professionalism I would keep my distance from them also. I would be furious as a parent that non disclosure checked parents are in classes unsupervised with my child.

I agree re. safeguarding concerns raised. Sometimes private schools are less up-to-date with safeguarding than they should be because they come under less scrutiny. Definitely worth raising your concern about the procedure for how your daughter was checked and how parents wander the site without controls.

If it was female teachers checking in a professional and respectful way I don't see an issue in Year 1.

The second part, I agree parents should be not left unsupervised for ANY time with children in a classroom.You were right to raise that.

I'm surprised by some of the responses here. The underwear checking and the unsupervised adult access to classrooms are both very concerning. This is basic safeguarding. I would seriously be looking for another school.

He behaved really questionably. How could he be so naive as to think his behaviour would be considered normal? I think he knew he was wrong, and so “got ahead” of it by telling you first.

a generous interpretation is that he acted impulsively and then afterwards thought “whoops, that maybe wasn’t ok, i better explain to the mum”. there is also a not very nice explanation which i don’t need to spell out. either way it’s fine to complain i think you did the right thing.

Apologies, I missed that part. If the teacher told you themselves, that they physically checked your child's pants in case they'd had an accident, then there is definitely a safeguarding concern. Staff should always ask the child to check themselves and there should always be two members of staff present if a child needs help, regardless if they are male or female. You are right to be concerned. These are basic safeguarding rules they are breeching. I've had to be in a classroom on my own with a child changing into a PE kit (after landing in a puddle on the playground), and have asked another adult to stay with me, whilst the child changed.