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AIBU?

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Original poster

Just found a used condom in our bed...

109 replies

miniworry · 23/05/2025 19:40

Well actually my DD aged 4 found it just as we came up to bed. 🤢 Literally just sat there in the packet at the top of the bed, still fresh liquid inside it.

Husband has been working from home today and has gone out on a works do for a few hours so I'm doing bedtime with the kids. I messaged him straight away saying WTF and he's just replied saying 'posh w*nk but I know that really doesn't help the situation I'm sorry babe'.

I don't think he's cheated because a) we have ring cameras on all 3 doors, there's been no gap in streaming all day and no one else in, and b) our bedroom is an absolute s* tip, the sheets are full of my fake tan from last night as I was changing them today and it looks just as much like Beirut in there as it did this morning.

We've got 2 young kids, one who is 1 and still isn't sleeping through and haven't had sex for about 3 weeks because quite frankly I just cba as I'm so tired..

But AIBU to be absolutely livid at the fact he's pleasuring himself whilst I am at work and b) that he left it there for my daughter to find!

Any advice on how I act when he returns home in a couple of hours would be greatly appreciated!

OP posts:
Original poster
miniworry · 23/05/2025 20:55

@TinyRebel unless the other person came through the window, no. All 3 doors have ring floodlights on.

I also have had no reason to ever suspect he wouldn't be faithful. He's a great dad, a great husband.

OP posts:
melsid · 23/05/2025 20:52

miniworry · 23/05/2025 19:53

Sorry I probably didn't make the original Aibu bit clear- I'm honestly not bothered he's pleasuring himself, its human nature and like you said it means he might stop dry humping me in my sleep for a few days, I'm just livid that he's left the condom on the bed!

You said in your op that you were asking if aibu if he was home pleasuring himself whilst you were at work?

TinyRebel · 23/05/2025 20:52

Could he have been having some action by the back door (sorry)? Unless every way into your house is completely covered by CCTV, I’d still be suspicious.

BookWorrum · 23/05/2025 20:49

MissHollysDolly · 23/05/2025 20:14

he made a mistake. He sounds sorry. Why is this a big deal. Use it as a teachable moment to chat about contraception

Teachable moment for who- the four year old?!

Cherrysoup · 23/05/2025 20:49

miniworry · 23/05/2025 19:53

Sorry I probably didn't make the original Aibu bit clear- I'm honestly not bothered he's pleasuring himself, its human nature and like you said it means he might stop dry humping me in my sleep for a few days, I'm just livid that he's left the condom on the bed!

You realise that’s assault? And fucking disgusting.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 23/05/2025 20:45

miniworry · 23/05/2025 19:53

Sorry I probably didn't make the original Aibu bit clear- I'm honestly not bothered he's pleasuring himself, its human nature and like you said it means he might stop dry humping me in my sleep for a few days, I'm just livid that he's left the condom on the bed!

Wait what he dry humps you in your sleep?

thats repulsive

MaybeItsTimeForMeNow · 23/05/2025 20:43

@miniworry I get that, and you have evidence as it were so I would agree, but just why....doesn't help your situation but seriously....Men are weird...

I'm relieved for you. I'd tell him off for leaving it, hope for some sort of make up and leave it behind.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 23/05/2025 20:42

Hankunamatata · 23/05/2025 19:44

Well who cares if he is pleasuring himself. It's perfectly natural.

However used condom on the bed - grim, grim, grim

This

Yerdug · 23/05/2025 20:41

A posh wank? How old is he? 16???

Original poster
miniworry · 23/05/2025 20:41

@MaybeItsTimeForMeNow I do find this strange because he doesn't like wearing a condom particularly during sex.

But I honestly don't believe he's cheated.

OP posts:
MaybeItsTimeForMeNow · 23/05/2025 20:39

Why did he do that with a condom on. I don't get it. It's more work, and less pleasure, surely?

BobbyBiscuits · 23/05/2025 20:37

I don't understand wanking into a condom? I guess if someone is really used to coming only when wearing one?

But I also can't imagine from what you've said that he cheated and just left the evidence in the bed.

I wouldn't be angry that he masturbates. Especially If you say you haven't had sex for a little while. Presuming you would usually do it more frequently? I'd say both sexes have the perfect right to a wank privately, it's not disrespectful or similar to cheating.

But if it is upsetting to you make sure he knows and no doubt he won't leave such things lying around again.

BruceAndNosh · 23/05/2025 20:36

I would ask him why he considers clearing up after his pleasure is YOUR job as he obviously didn't bother doing it

amybabysa · 23/05/2025 20:33

Yuck something similar happened to me as a kid and I’ve never forgotten it.

I don’t think he cheated either but you seem to have trust issues RE the ring doorbells/ checking them.

nothing wrong with having a wank, everything wrong with leaving evidence.

fruitbrewhaha · 23/05/2025 20:30

I’d be annoyed that instead of tidying the bedroom and putting some fresh sheets on he climbed into bed to wank. Actually he could have probably wanked and then had a good tidy afterwards, that would have been a good use of his time.

SpunkySquid · 23/05/2025 20:29

pimplebum · 23/05/2025 19:55

Oh come on ! It’s no more gross than bed sheets full of fake tan !
you cba with sex so what is your problem!
your 4 year old will just think it’s a bit of rubbish so no harm done

chill 😎

It absolutely is worse than fake tan 🤢

LoveTheLake525 · 23/05/2025 20:27

miniworry · 23/05/2025 19:53

Sorry I probably didn't make the original Aibu bit clear- I'm honestly not bothered he's pleasuring himself, its human nature and like you said it means he might stop dry humping me in my sleep for a few days, I'm just livid that he's left the condom on the bed!

Why livid? It was an accident, I'm sure he didn't set it up as a trophy

'it's Daddy's darling' DD would have soon forgotten all about it.

he's apologised, why carry it on??

Zone2NorthLondon · 23/05/2025 20:26

The discarded condom is the issue,he should have disposed of it appropriately
Beyond that, no biggie

deydododatdodontdeydo · 23/05/2025 20:26

But I've read multiple times on MN that posh wanks are a myth 🤔

uuuuu · 23/05/2025 20:24

I don’t think that (for kids who are so young that they don’t know what it is) that the condom is any worse than the fake tan all over the bed. Does that look like shit smears? If the 4yo saw the condom, you could just pass it off as a bit of plastic that needs to go in the bin. It was an oversight, he wasn’t cheating. Why are you allowed to leave loads of mess in the bed but not him?

DeSoleil · 23/05/2025 20:24

LTB. Not for the nasty. I som but for calling you ‘babe’ and using the phrase ‘posh wank’!

He sounds like a complete Neanderthal.

LoveTheLake525 · 23/05/2025 20:23

MissMoneyFairy · 23/05/2025 19:45

Tell him to use the bathroom next time

And I'd tell you to sod off! It's just as much his bed & he has every right to wank in comfort, not standing in the bathroom.

he accidentally left the condom there, 🤷🏻‍♀️

NuffSaidSam · 23/05/2025 20:23

Obviously he should have put it in the bin, but if he's just forgotten then I think 'livid' is a bit much. If you're livid with him every time he forgets something/makes a mistake you're going to have an awful marriage! It's tiring being livid, it can't be good for you.

LoveTheLake525 · 23/05/2025 20:21

babystarsandmoon · 23/05/2025 19:46

There is nothing wrong with him sorting himself out but to leave it in bed is disgusting.

You've never forgotten something, ever? H to be so perfect.

proximalhumerous · 23/05/2025 20:18

How would you like him to react if you accidentally left a used tampon in the bathroom? Obviously what he did was not ideal, but unless you think he did it on purpose or if he has a habit of never cleaning up after himself I don't think you should be furious.

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