To not take my mum to the GP? (Mild cognitive impairment)

I would. There's many treatable causes of memory loss (b12 folate thyroid abnormalities etc) and early treatment is better if does need dementia meds

You have my sympathy op. I could have written your post op, except my dad is still alive. He’s a total fucking twat, always has been and she has gone from a focused, determined, independent woman to a shell of her former self since she retired. I too have noticed the confusion and the lapses in memory and they are definitely getting worse. I don’t know if it is a memory issue or just from years and years of being ground down. I have mentioned it to dad and he just won’t discuss it. He’s also like creeping fucking Jesus and makes sure I never get to speak to her alone, even on the phone he makes her put it on speaker. We’ve had occasional conversations over the years about her leaving him (before she became confused) but she could never find the strength to do it, even with support. I am now in the process of moving them closer to me, which is also complicated because to be honest, I never had a very good relationship with her and the rest of my siblings are very low contact with them. But, she’s vulnerable now and I have to try and protect her. It’s a nightmare and I am very concerned for the future.
In your case. I do think it would be worth getting her assessed so you can put whatever necessary legal measures in place to protect her if she does have a progressive illness.

Get the legal stuff sorted out as a priority. She should definitely be assessed. It might be something that can be treated or controlled with medication. Even if it isn't, a diagnosis will enable forward planning and decisions to be made to ensure the best possible outcome, rather than floundering around in 'what ifs'.

My DB had Parkinson’s and dementia he did the Montreal Test with a psychiatrist and failed (though I prob wouldn’t get a high score now at 70) - copies are available online.

Get her a white board for the wall that she’d walk past regularly to remind her of things.
I have a big one in my kitchen which DH and I use. Perhaps buy her a diary so she can jot down what she’s done in the day.

OP my mum in her early seventies is very similar. Its been going on subtly for a while but I really realized the other day seeing how much she struggled with a parking meter. Against my better judgement, I agreed for her to come along when I'm visiting a city she wants to see for work next month - I'll be at a conference one day and the next day I'll be free, so I guess I will see how well she does (or not) during that and whether its getting to the point I really need to do something. She does manage her day to day life absolutely fine, but anything new or different can be problematic and multitasking is definitely long gone. She's not the easiest person so overall I'm just trying to be patient, but I doubt she'd be receptive to any kind of testing anyway. Her mother had dementia.

This is a really good point. There are a few things that can mimic dementia. UTI’s are an issue too. In older people they can be more severe and can cause levels of distress and confusion consistent with dementia onset, so are often missed. For OP it might be a good starting point to actually get her mum to the GP and then take it from there.

The process is to go through the GP first. They do a preliminary assessment and a referral to a psychiatrist will only be made if the GP thinks there are red flags. The earlier you get help, the more that can potentially be done to ease symptoms and slow progress, depending on the type of dementia. I also found that there were support services available l didn’t know about until mum was referred. I think there’s a difference between experiencing and acknowledging memory issues yourself and it becoming noticeable to others.

OP says her mum is repeating things often. This is a red flag for dementia -repeating things frequently, especially in a short time frame can be a coping mechanism - repeating questions, stories, or phrases, are often linked to more significant memory loss and difficulty remembering what was said or done previously.

Meds are only appropriate for Alzheimer’s and there are several different types of dementia. But yes, l agree with you. Better to get this sorted now in the hope of slowing things down and getting coping mechanisms in place.

Hi @Didimum ,

My mother has dementia, mixed Alzheimer's & Vascular as per doctors.
Her symptoms started like your mams.

I think you should get her checked in the GP's/ memory clinic as sometimes thyroid problems can also seem like a cognitive impairment. This can be fixed!
I would attempt to organise a power of attorney as we didn't and it was much harder to do after her diagnosis.
Also keep on top of her paperwork, bills etc.
We didn't realise for a short time that bills weren't being paid despite mam saying she was. We don't know where that money went.
Hope you get sorted, take care,

Taz.

I think you will find that there is only medication for Alzheimer's. There doesn't seem to be medication for other types of dementia, such as vascular. I have known people who have been diagnosed as having both.

I’ve not read the whole thread, but in my experience, yes get her to the GP. Tbh it sounds like it might be beyond MCI already, and the sooner she can get on medication the greater the chance she will hold steady at the stage she’s at for longer. Also - look at lifestyle - exercise and brain games are all important.

My mum was similar, MCI diagnosed when she was grieving for my dad / adjusting to life alone, but actually she was further along, they just didn’t want to diagnose dementia so soon after my dad had died.

OP I would take her to the GP. My mum started with vascular dementia like this and the progress/deterioration can vary. The GP will make an appointment for an assessment at the surgery and depending on the results, she may be referred on. If the GP thinks there’s nothing to worry about then there will be no referral - but at least you’ll know one way or the other.

And regardless of the outcome of the testing, as others have said it’s common sense to get lasting power of attorney as soon as possible because without it you will have little say in what happens to her should she lose capacity. LPA can’t be given once that happens and you would have to get the court of protection to appoint a legal guardian to look after her affairs - I know someone this happened to and it was a nightmare.

My own mum was diagnosed with late onset vascular dementia at the age of 90. She was fine for a few months but then had a major seizure which accelerated the dementia. Had we not got the LPA before that happened, it would have been very difficult. It’s a very difficult time, and I know it’s easier said than done, but I would talk to your mum and explain your fears, as well as what could happen if you don’t take action, as well as the fact that without an LPA she could well be left having a stranger make her decisions instead of family.

@Didimum as pp have said get both types of LPoA in place. In particular the finance and property LPoA can be invoked now so you and your sister can help manage her financial affairs.

I say this as someone who is currently having to work out my parent’s finances without LPoA. My circumstances are complicated by unusual factors but my parent has a MCI diagnosis.

My advice is:

• LPoAs
• Set up a separate email just for your DMs information - it keeps it separate from your own finances etc.
• Start to sort out your Mum’s financial papers so you know which companies she has her household bills with, where her savings are.
• Contact her GP and Local Authority to find out what activities are going on. The advice I had was keep my Mum physically active, so the Pilates class is good, but also find groups so she gets social interaction, look for quiz groups, crafting anything that stimulates her brain. Memory lane/ memory cafe’s are also good.
• I know you don’t want to think about this but start looking at sheltered accommodation and residential care homes. It may be a long time before you need them but knowing what’s out there is helpful. Your Mum doesn’t need to know at this stage it’s about you being prepared.
• Take her up on the counselling for anxiety.

@Didimum

It is important.

An early diagnosis gives your Mum a better chance of slowing the progress.

There are, in fact, new medications for MCI.

Please look here, remain vigilant but do act earlier rather than later.

With her history of being abused by your dad, I think I'd be rather surprised if she didn't present with symptoms showing lapses of clarity or memory. She's been hectored and belittled for years, that absolutely would have a significant effect on a more timid person's self esteem and feelings of worth and intellectual ability. She feels stupid because he told her she was, and believing you're stupid and worrying about that will have an impact on your concentration and critical thinking abilities.

I agree with you that counselling or therapy would be a good thing, it likely won't undo the years of harm but it might help her feel less anxious, poor lady. POA is a good idea also.

To add to my earlier post, if she wouldn't be willing see the GP, I'd call and speak to the practice manager. Discuss your concerns and ask if an appointment could be made, ideally where you or your sister goes too, and make it look more like a general check-up.

It may not be that though. I’m only saying as my aunt was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, after my cousin noticed a few things. I’m close to my Aunt, and I hadn’t noticed much beyond what I though was normal aging. Sadly it’s progressing, but maybe not as quickly as if she’d not been diagnosed yet.

To be honest the medications are pretty rubbish and the ‘slowing down’ is marginal so I don’t think she’d be missing out much.

The main reason to get an assessment/ diagnosis is for better understanding of your condition and to put future plans in place like will and LPA. I would make sure she does those things now in any case.

Your post is very similar to what happened to my mum. I could write more or less the same as you have.. As a family we noticed issues with her memory, she'd denied anything was wrong but her doctor picked up on this at a routine appointment, and sent her for a brain scan. I wasn't aware of this until my mum told me she went to this. I then wrote to her doctor who rang me and an appointment at the memory clinic was arranged which I went with her. The diagnosis was dementia. I would advise ASAP to arrange Power of Attorney if your mum still has capacity to understand this. Otherwise you will have to go through the court of protection for deputyship, which I had to do for my dad he too had dementia (my parents are divorced) COP is a longer process. I have POA for my mum for health and finances. Contact her doctor with your concerns. Take care.

She could be diagnosed with CI now but will be revived annually (at least that’s what happens with mine) and dementia would be spotted and potentially treated far sooner. I would definitely be seeking a referral to the memory clinic at this stage.

Of course! There are medications that can slow down things like Alzheimer’s. The earlier they are taken, the better. Surely it can be mistaken for MCI in its early stages?