Sorry this is long. I'm fairly certain my mum has mild cognitive impairment. She is 68 and lives alone, after my dad passed away two years ago.
She has had a fairly stressful life for at least the last couple of decades. Firstly my dad had always been very controlling and, to be honest, mildly abusive. She was always very anxious of him. He controlled bills, finances, things around the house etc. She worked in the NHS and the workload was horrendous – she used to cry often and was very beaten down. Luckily she could retire early, so she did. Shorty after she left the NHS, Covid hit and my parents did not fair well – all loss of routine and socialisation, my dad grew worse in his behaviour towards her. She lost an enormous amount of confidence during all this.
My dad then passed suddenly in 2023 after a very short illness. She was shattered and shocked. Her brain fog was severe. She has improved since this, has got happier and does enjoy life on her own – she sees her friends, has a cat, joined a pilates class, keeps up with all medical appointments. I do not worry about her living day to day – she is able to follow her routine perfectly well. She struggles with bills, paperwork, insurance, pensions, computers, etc – but she never had these skills as my dad just took over all of it. Myself and my sister help her mange these things.
My sister and me noticed, probably 5 years ago, that her memory was beginning to be affected in stand out ways. Her short term recall is quite poor (with some things and not others, though she can remember when prompted). For an example, I'm sorted out some insurance stuff for her – I asked if they had called her the day before and she said no. They told me they had, so I prompted her and then she recalled it. Later that evening, my sister asked her the same question and again she said no ... this is fairly typical. However, it's more typical it happens with things like insurance as she just seems to blank it out. She was babysitting my kids recently and asked repeatedly what time to put them to bed. She also repeats questions and stories a fair bit – to the point where others have noticed. She has also been scammed by phone scammers a few times as she panics over the phone when strangers call about something seemingly 'complicated'. She doesn't struggle to find words or follow conversations or take care of herself, cat, medication, her appointments etc. That appears to be the extent of it right now, and it has remained fairly stable over last 5yrs, perhaps dipping a bit when my dad passed.
My sister and I sometimes discuss getting her assessed, but we both really fear that she will be extremely upset and anxious over it and that it will be a detriment and not benefit her. Another really important part of this story is that her sister was diagnosed with dementia in 2019 and just passed away a month ago (sister was 20yrs older than her however, and there is no other family history). My mum, again, was devastated by her sister's rapid decline and death. She is aware of her memory issues and I know she is very anxious that the same fate awaits her.
Long story short - while my mum is still independent and functioning well, AIBU to leave her be and not cause her distress unless it becomes necessary, since there is no treatment for MCI? She has regular check ups and blood tests and is physically very fit and well.
I do know MCI can be caused by stress/depression/anxiety, and my mum is still prone to bouts of upset and crying. She says she feels stupid and that everyone feels annoyed at her all time. This is not true, and I fear her confidence in herself has been battered by decades of how my father used to treat her. He always used to call her stupid and tell her she wasn't capable of anything. I think counselling might be a good option for her?
AIBU? Or is the GP and memory clinic always the best?