For stopping my partner going to his friends wedding

Well done for putting you and your daughter first and leaving him for your own safety. He may have mental health difficulties but he is making things much worse by taking illegal drugs and lying about it.

He is obviously enabled and supported by his ridiculous mother.

I would take some legal advice because co-parenting with an immature drug taking mummy's boy won't be easy.

Exactly! OP You have tried. He has not tried. Your kids only get one childhood and everything in your lives is about him. Please walk away, do not get married.
In a years time you and the dc be really happy without this deadweight dragging you down.

Sorry to hear, OP, but as you said, you can know you gave him every chance. Wish you all the best as you navigate your future free from him

Send him back to his mother, change the locks and your number and thank your lucky stars you’re not married to him

Well done OP - you’ve done the right thing for you and your daughter x

It may be tempting to defend this person because you love him but I'm saying this for you. For goodness sake please do not marry this man. He left you and your child, racked up £15K debt that his Mum paid off. He is pathetic and a loser who will drag you and your daughter down with him as long as you let him. Let him go and live with his Mummy, he sounds very childlike. I agree, it sounds like you're the one who needs a holiday. He is not a strong provider. He is weak and his Mother enables him. My childhood was hell I worked my way out of that hellhole. I can almost guarantee it was infinitely worse than anything he's been through.

How are you getting on @YourOlivePoster?

💯

You need to get rid - his mother is enabling him and always will. Did she give you any money to take care of HIS child???

I was on suboxone/methadone after a few months of an addiction. Which would constitute being in recovery.

Yes, your MIL was enabling him. I'm sure she was grateful for your insight. What about your part? I think previous poster asked if he had any good points and even if he could breathe through his ears, I'd send back to Mam.

You marry him = you hand him your income, savings, pension, property etc on a plate.

And what is he handing you, other than debt, drug dependence and a lifelong habit of sponging off women?

Then a few years on you're back here asking about how to divorce a drug user, with a string of horror stories about what he's done ...

Look at the timescales OP described ... addiction's unlikely to be overcome quite that fast, and with an almost total lack of commitment to change on his part the chances become even fewer

And AFAICS the judgement isn't over the addiction as such, but the attitudes he's displaying now he claims to be recovered

No you actually don't owe him anything OP other than to safeguard yourself and your kids from a drug addict

Bloody hell OP wake up and smell the roses. Many of us have been here and walked out 20 years later, exhausted and much much poorer.
You owe him nothing.
What has he paid towards the wedding? Done to make your day wonderful. Nothing I'm sure.
If you insist on being with this complete loser then just live with him. Don't marry him.
Keep the finances separate. If he doesn't earn he doesn't eat the money is for the kids.
In a few years you will be thinking again.
He needs to earn this marriage, you don't need to give him everything of yours for free.
You need to toughen up.
This kind of man is two a penny and you can pick them up off any street corner.

Why on earth are you still willing to tie your life to this man.

Yes, people have mental health struggles, but most of them don't abandon their children to spend thousands of pounds they don't have on drink and drugs binges.

What happens next time he does this? You owe it to your child to give her a safe supportive home life. How can you ever do that when you're with someone who might up end everyone's lives on a moments notice.

I know you love him but he is dragging you down with him. He has saddled you with huge debts and rather than work with you to pay them off, is disappearing again to rack up even more debt and leave you to care for your child.

This man has serious problems.

Do not marry him.

You owe him nothing.

You’ve been trying for a year to make it work, giving him space, allowing him to opt out of family life, and financial responsibility. Not only has he not stepped back up, he’s actively stepping away doing irresponsible things still- borrowing more money, and leaving you in the lurch (again)

yes it was unfortunate that he was unwell, but the time he has missed means that he needs to give up other things. Amazing that he happens to be back up and running when there’s a trip to Greece in the offering.

I would let him go, let his mum pay for it and use the days he is away to start getting your paperwork sorted to leave him. Separate the finances and the debt and understand if you can take on the house

Actually you could separate your finances and things and carry on a relationship with him when he is back, and see how things are (indeed how much he wants to be with you) if you aren’t financially supporting him.

If he is recovering from drugs and other things, a boozy wedding abroad doesn’t feel like the best decision if he was in the frame of mind that prioritising a relationship with you is the most important thing.

Let him go but I don’t think you should stay with him. He can’t manage the pets/animals you have & can’t hold down a job. You will be slogging away teaching & paying for everything & he will then want half the house, half your pension etc. You would be better off going into a manageable property with child & rehome all the animals if he can’t look after them.

My "Mrs Merton voice" always plays when I read these types of threads.
"So what attracted you to this druggie, debt ridden loser?".

You’ve got bigger problems than this wedding. Let him go, move his stuff out and change the locks while he is away. Don’t waste your time on him anymore.

So he went through a full scale mental breakdown at the end of last year and left your home (with your daughter, and a multitude of pets) and went back to his mum’s house as he couldn’t deal with the responsibility anymore. He had a problem with drugs, racked up £15k debt and just could not function. He walked out of his job so OP spent 6 months as the sole earner with him being away at his mum's for 2 of them. He's back now with a part-time job so no doubt OP is still the main earner.

OP couldn't afford to go to her friend's hen's night, had to cancel their wedding and is still paying off the amount owed for the wedding dress and the venue every month. He wants to go off on this fun trip but hasn’t put aside any money for spending whilst there so even though his mum will pay the bulk he is still going to spend hundreds of pounds they don’t have.

He says you are being spiteful. This is despite him leaving you in the lurch, plunging you into debt, walking out of his job and taking drugs before swanning off to his mothers and you still took him back! Gratitude is certainly fleeting. What you are being is an absolute mug. Just because you have wasted 10 years of your life on this man - some of which must have been very unpleasant and you are still scrimping because of his behaviour - is no reason to waste any more of your life on this unreliable drug taking work-shy mother's boy. Don't even contemplate marrying him and you'd be well advised to send him back to his mother permanently.

Are you his Mum? OP is unreasonable for being with such a total waste of space.

Apologies it was the middle of the night and I failed to see the word “not” in that sentence!! 🤦🏼‍♀️ I thought you had written “well you can’t stop him but you really should marry a drug addict”. My bad, sorry.

His mother paid his debts off, she won’t expect to see a penny back and will keep enabling him all her life. You can’t stop her enabling him or if he wants to get into debt again. He is never going to change but you can! You are capable of changing your future, you can tell him to go back to his mum’s, who will be delighted her little soldier is back. Let her live with what she encourages, not you and your precious child. He will take centre stage if you stay and your DC will be hidden in the shadows, as you put every bit of your energy into saving your partner.
Living with him will send a clear message to your child that it’s ok to be an addict, in fact it gets you all of the attention. Do it for your child!