Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To mention something to school?

113 replies

HappyFrappy · 23/05/2025 17:28

My DD age 11 has had a really tough week at school.

First was the post SATS PGL trip, for which they were told to write down the names of 5 kids they'd like in their bedroom, and 5 kids they'd like in their activity group. They were told they couldn't expect to be with all of them, but we're guaranteed to be with ine. When she got to PGL, she found that she was in a room with her BFF (hooray!) but the other kids were all from another class (and happened to be quite difficult).
None of her requested friends were in her activity group, and she was with a duo and trio who had chosen to be together, so she felt really left out. Her 5 friends all happened to be in the same group without her.

Then today they were given their parts for the play, and she has a really minor role. I guess someone had to do the role, and maybe her audition wasn't great, but she said it had been good and I know she is capable. She's so upset (not to mention exhausted after PGL!) and really feels like the teacher is against her - I guess the grouping was just an oversight, and maybe the play role deserved, but it is so hard to see her so gutted after 2 things she was really looking forward to.

Should I mention any of it to the school? It's not like they can do anything now. But it feels like this has really cast a shadow over her experience of year 6. Grateful for any advice.

OP posts:
Curlybook · 23/05/2025 17:47

What would you hope to achieve by "mentioning" it?

I think you have to explain to DD that life is hard and seems unfair sometimes. She won't have noticed all the times things went well for her but badly for others.

Paellama · 23/05/2025 17:44

This really isn't one thing after another that's being done to your daughter. It's two separate things that just didn't quite go her way and that's common in life. She didn't need to be with a certain person to do a PGL activity (and I'm guessing the guarantee was either/or, not both because that is logistically probably not even possible for every kid to get two things they stated) and not everyone can have the same role in a play.

UniversalTruth · 23/05/2025 17:43

I agree with the other posters. She's tired after PGL and that's why she's upset. I would be sympathising but downplaying the sadness - ah, I see you're feeling sad and tired, what nice way can we spend the evening that will help you regulate? (I use these terms, you might not).

You have an opportunity to show her that life is hard sometimes, but we don't ignore the feelings, we acknowledge them and move on. This is what resilience is.

MightAsWellBeGretel · 23/05/2025 17:43

I can understand why you're both disappointed - it would have been lovely to have been with her preferred friends and a leading role in the play, but sometimes life doesn't go your way and you have to enjoy things for what they are.

She'll be moving to senior school very soon - who knows what the cohort will be there? There will be lots more children and possibly other situations where other kids are already friends and lots more competition for coveted roles and places.

verycloakanddaggers · 23/05/2025 17:40

She's so upset... and really feels like the teacher is against her This needs to be tackled - the teacher is not against her and you need to support her by explaining this is not true.

Children believe they are the centre of the universe - this is natural at her age, but she needs you to help her understand the teacher is looking out for ALL the children.

PurpleThistle7 · 23/05/2025 17:40

unfortunately this is just how it goes sometimes. There are only so many combinations of children and so many parts and you don’t know everyone else’s situation. And yes - my daughter had a startlingly similar experience in p7. We just focussed on the positives and she enjoyed it in the end

Strictly1 · 23/05/2025 17:39

As you’ve said, they can’t do anything so why frustrate the teacher when no doubt they’ve done their best and will then question why they bother.
A lesson in resilience as others have said.

WomenInSTEM · 23/05/2025 17:39

In my previous life as a primary teacher, every year at least one parent complained about the role given to their child in the Christmas or end of year production. It is just not possible to please everyone.

lilyboleyn · 23/05/2025 17:34

Honestly, the teacher has SO MUCH to juggle at the moment, it’s really not that the teacher is out to get her. The teacher doesn’t have time for that. I hate school plays and trips. We don’t get paid for attending PGL trips overnight and over weekends etc and someone always complains afterwards. And there’s always someone that complains about school play roles, even when I’ve tried my hardest to make it as fair as I can. It feels like we can’t win.

SeanMean · 23/05/2025 17:33

Totally agree with both posters.

It’s disappointing but ultimately a life lesson on resilience.

TinyTempest · 23/05/2025 17:33

No, I wouldn't mention it.

There would be other kids in similar positions I'm sure.

Even if her audition was fine, it just means there would've been others who were much better.

They should've mixed the activity group a bit better but at least she had her best friend in her dorm!

CaptainMyCaptain · 23/05/2025 17:31

WonderingWanda · 23/05/2025 17:31

This is a good moment to teach hrr resilience op, we don't always get first place and that's ok. You have actually jumped straight to assuming the teacher is out to get her. Please remember that while you are dd's Mum and would always put her needs above all other, the teacher has to juggle lots of needs and makes the best choices based on many factors.

Spot on.

WonderingWanda · 23/05/2025 17:31

This is a good moment to teach hrr resilience op, we don't always get first place and that's ok. You have actually jumped straight to assuming the teacher is out to get her. Please remember that while you are dd's Mum and would always put her needs above all other, the teacher has to juggle lots of needs and makes the best choices based on many factors.