To mention something to school?

These things are all about how YOU react to them . I am a teacher and a mum of 5 and it is something I have learned over the years .
I think the fact that you are posting about this shows it has really upset you .
And I get it, I was the same with my first child !

But our kids learn how to cope with setbacks and disappointments from us . They also pick up on whether or not WE are sad / disappointed for them .

I think I would model resilience by chatting with your daughter and explaining the rationale behind the decisions ( she had her best pal on the trip , not everyone can get the best parts ). And move on .

this. totally.

we all think our DC are the best and of course they are to us. but they really aren't to others. I say this with kindness.

say nothing to the school. you will just make yourself look really silly. and she's going to senior school soon anyway so what does it matter. what on earth do you think saying something will achieve?

Sorry for your daughter OP.

I agree with others in part, these experiences may assist with resilience. Maybe reframe it a little eg that although it feels a bit rubbish it is a good experience for when she goes to high school as she won’t always be with her friends and other children might not have had the chance to develop this resilience, almost like gives her a little head start.

I would also mention to school. Not in a blaming stance but for clarity re the activity groups eg it may be your daughter has misunderstood or that it was an oversight, either could be explained to your daughter to help her process it all. Equally explaining to the teacher that she is feeling delicate and low at the moment may enable them to keep a closer eye on her, praise her more or offer some nurturing support.

Believe me, the teacher doesn't have time for this.

Er, no??

What will it serve? Apart from making you look like one of those parents??

I also have DC unhappy with their given role in the play. But it is what it is. School cannot give everyone big roles, in all year 6 productions there are lots of roles so they can fit in as many kids as possible but obviously a lot are small roles.

Agree.

I'm going to go against the majority here and say maybe do speak to the teacher, but not to complain about the things you've mentioned. Instead just catch her at drop off and mention that your daughter's confidence is a bit knocked at the moment and she's a little down, just so the teacher can keep half an eye on her, or understand why she might be a little out of sorts. You can't expect anything more than that.

Perfect response.
and when she goes to secondary school and isn’t put with her best friend…or potentially any friend, you need to be the strong person and reassure her that everything will be ok

It’s a shame she didn’t enjoy PGL despite not being with her besties. Don’t they all know each other though? It’s a primary school so I can’t imagine there were that many kids on the trip that she wasn’t with someone who she knows/plays with . A good opportunity to prepare her for secondary, where we’re often not able to be with our besties but can still have a good time.
School play - as you say, someone has to have the smaller parts, it’s the way it goes.
I wouldn’t mention either. You can sympathise with your child, provide space for her to vent, but ultimately reassure her that the play will be great fun for them all and there’ll be lots of opportunities at secondary school to join in with things.

The problem with what you said @miniaturepixieonacid is that there will be many keen children and why should the roles go to parents who are moaning. I did a trip last year and actually after a few ridiculous complaints from a few parents (who wants to be in room woth whom, they wanted to bag certain activities as there was meant to be a selection on of the days from a bunch). I made sure that the schedule was made so fairly the moany parents and kids were the least advantaged. I really dont give a crap about people who think that sending a 'keen' email they should be given advantage over quiet ones.

OP's kid and her need resilience, being in a room with her best friend is not what Id call 'a tough week'.

Maybe none of the other girls put her down? Maybe only the best friend? Honestly OP it’s a nightmare to sort rooms for staff. It’s the worst part of the organisation.
it’s unpaid and exhausting. See how tired your daughter is - her teacher is like that times 10 as she will have had very little sleep. She deserves a thank you rather than a criticism.

As for the school play your DD doesn’t deserve a place over others because she is your DD.

So she had her best friend in her room and you are still moaninig about it, Jesus wept. Go and organise a school trip yourself and coordinate dozens of kids all of whom (and their parents) have a wishlist longer than an arm. Tell us how it went, all the best.
And then do a play and have 20 larents moan some more their little darlings didnt get the main roles.

I’m really sorry your DD is not feeling great. My DD is the same age and it is very painful for me when she is disappointed or sad. But I really do think these are opportunities for life lessons here: things don’t always work out the way we hope and that’s ok; the trip group arrangement might not have been the best and she felt left out at times but she’s ok; she wanted a different role in the play but every role is important and she should give it her best shot (I say this as someone who was a teabag for Polly Put the Kettle on 😂). Maybe organise something for her with her friends if you want to lift her spirits a bit or work out together what might help her feel better so she develops her own coping tools. Can’t say I always manage all this with my DD but I try work in this direction. Best wishes x

I'm a Drama teacher (Year 6 is right in the middle of the age range I teach) and do a lot of residential trips. But I'm going to go against the grain and say that I would mention it.

Not in a complaining way. I would say that your daughter is feeling really exhausted, overwhelmed and disappointed at the moment and ask that, if the opportunity arises to give her a boost, that the teacher takes it. I'd say that she struggled with the trip due to not being in a group with her friends (again, not as a whine, just as a statement of face) and that those negative feelings had exaggerated her feelings of disappointment in the play casting.

I spent a huge amount of time considering casting of shows (around 20 shows a year) and always do the best I can. But I'm considering 12 - 75 kids at the same time. Parents only consider their own couple of children. So sometimes they see something that I've missed. And I don't want to miss it so I'm glad when a parent raises it. It may or may not be something I can do anything about for that time but I can bear it in mind for the future.

Often, there is something that can be done. It depends on the play and type of licence chosen. Some allow you to write in additional parts/lines, split parts, make edits etc. Others don't. For shows that do I always take full advantage of that and ask the children if anyone feels they have too little or too much to do. Most tend to be happy but some want changes and I can make them. Even if it's a fixed show with no changes allowed, it's worth the teacher knowing your child is keen in case someone doesn't want to do their role or is ill.

Maybe the PGL staff wanted them grouped by ability.

Just to give you hope… my daughter also had a year 6 that was a bit like this, combined with friendship issues and worry about secondary school, however she is absolutely thriving at secondary and maybe in a strange way not enjoying that final year at primary helped.

The play is just one of those things. The PGL trip is rubbish but it's happened now and can't be changed. I don't think talking to the teacher will achieve much. I would just do your best to cheer her up at home.

Are you sure that was the guarantee? I'm not a teacher but I can't imagine the logistical nightmare that would be to promise them friends in both room and activity group. Sounds worse than planning tables at a wedding!

.

I’ve been the teacher on many occasions trying to sort residential dorms while taking into account friendship choices. It’s such a difficult job and there were always children unhappy as they didn’t have exactly who they wanted. Shame your DD didn’t have a chosen friend in her activity group though - we used to carefully place children in activity groups considering ability/SEND/personality etc rather than focus on friendship groups, perhaps there was an element of this too?
You’ll have to let the role in the play go too. I would hope you didn’t show your disappointment to your DD. Watch the viral video Door Holder number 3 for the perfect response!

Definitely say something, they will have enough time to remove the lead from the play and give her the role instead. 🙄

ffs - do you want a participation trophy for her too