To mention something to school?

Teaching moment, not everything always goes our way, sometimes we have to be around people we don’t particularly like or know, we don’t always get the best seat (or role!) and life isn’t always sunshine and flowers 🤷🏻‍♀️ she’ll get over both the experiences you listed in your posting, don’t focus on it and as a parent, I’d be like..oh well, it’s done now, let’s make the best of the role and maybe nx time it’ll be something better. If you show her that being upset and obsessing about it is normal, she’ll do the same. I don’t think teachers stay up at night plotting ways to thwart specific kids, they don’t get paid enough to do the things they have to do let alone petty things like that!

Throughout primary school it was the same
kids over and over who got the lead roles. Yes they were confident over actors but nobody else got a look in. They did performances in Y2,4&6 Their parent was head of the PTA and then a school governor. It meant everyone else was relegated to minor roles and we just watched the same kids every time. This happened in class assemblies every year too.
I would mention the PGL to teacher and say she’s been a bit down as maybe the teacher can say well she had a smile on her face during this activity and was brave trying this etc. and talk to your kid about the positive time they had.

people forget the 99 positive things and remember the 1 negative thing.

plus going to secondary then your kid may not even have anyone she knows in her tutor group. So good time to make new friendships.

does the school not mix the classes up? I worked in a school that never mixed them up from reception to y6 and caused so many problems. Parents and staff asked for a shuffle but HT couldn’t be bothered.

You sound quite bitter OP, do you have history for feeling excluded/left out of things yourself? Interesting that you didn’t see the opportunity your DD had to make new friends (teachers must have presumed her strong enough to cope which is a great compliment) and don’t see that perhaps she just isn’t right for a main part in the play - emotional resilience is a big part of having the confidence to perform, of course. You should be supporting her to grow through this, not seething on her behalf and going to the teacher to complain “it’s not fair”.

Its hard when we feel are kids are being left out or put in unhappy positions. Definitely don't say anything to school, she was with her BFF in the room, it's an absolute nightmare of logistics to sort this and they clearly put her with one of, if not the first, top choice - plua they can't change it now can they, its happened. The play is one of those things, sometimes we do a great interview/audition/date whatever, and it doesn't land us what we want, it's a shame, it's great she is still taking her role seriously, what a fantastic life lesson.
Listen to Dr Becky on you tube, she explains that when your kid feels down about these type of situations, you don't "fix the situation", because they learn that when they're disappointed they just say something, or shout something and then they get made happy and someone sorts it all out. Instead you "join them" and show them you understand how they feel, you commiserate with them, you believe they're disappointed/frustrated/it's not fair and you don't belittle the emotion/chase the emotion away with "but I think you're the best at drama" or "but you're so good at other things, you're the best at maths". Just empathise and teach them these emotions are OK, we can weather them together and when we are disappointed we are still OK, we are still loved and we will move forward. She'll come out stronger and independent which is better for her long term happiness, even if it sucks in the short term.

I agree - I think it would be beneficial for OP to say something, not as a complaint, but just so the teacher is aware of how her DD is feeling about those two things (trip and play) and can somehow reassure her or give her a bit of a boost. 👍

Are you sure the “small role” is actually small? My kids’ school plays generally had a very small number of “big parts”, a slightly larger number of “small parts” and then a huge number of kids who were “trees” in the “tree dance” or “pirates” in the “pirate song”.

My kids were generally trees. To both their relief and mine as they are not theatrically talented.

Get a grip !! You are acting very precious and thinking of bugging a teacher because your child didn’t get a bigger part in the school play

come on !
head
wobble

She was with her bestie in the dorm room. So what if the others were from another class? Just be friendly and maybe you'll end up liking them and becoming mates?

If not then we don't have to love everyone, but we do sometimes have to work with them and share spaces respectfully.

As for the play, well acting involves a lot of rejection. It's about accepting your role and doing your best as part of the wider production.

I think you need to let her learn that things aren't always exactly what you want, and you're meant to learn from new and challenging experiences.

Should I mention any of it to the school?m

No.

The school haven’t done anything wrong. They certainly haven’t “cast a shadow” over her year 6 experience. You’re being ridiculous.

A life lesson is: we can’t always get what we want.

For 'gentle' read patronising and passive aggressive.

As a teacher at this time of year , a 'gentle' note might just push me over the edge .......😂!!

This! She needs to learn she's one of many even if she's special to you. For the activity group: her friends probably did not note her name but each other. Atleast she got to sleep with a friend. For the play you might think she's very capable but we all think our children are marvellous. The teacher has made her choice and it would be ridiculous to question that. Don't be that parent- the teachers have enough on their plate.

just wait till she starts at secondary mixing with several other primary schools and all the issues that come with that. you will be wishing she was back in her nice primary soon enough. be grateful she's had an overall decent experience and don't make problems when there really aren't any

Hmmmm I would send a gentle note to the teachers thinking of next year, and just say 'Just wanted to let you know DD found the activities at PGL tough as she wasn't with any of her selected friends and the other kids in her group were in friendship groups. I am talking to her about the importance of resilience and am sure this will be a teachable moment, however I wanted to make you aware for next year as I understand it wasn't your intention for any children to be in a group with none of their friends.'

I would raise it because for years my primary school ran a trip that only 15 out of 30 kids could go on. The names were allegedly drawn out of a hat but year after year all of the teachers pets were chosen plus a couple of other kids that likely were genuinely drawn out of a hat. Parents across the board complained in my year which got the event changed to something the whole class could participate in - much fairer and more inclusive. Sometimes it is worth raising your voice in a polite way.

She got to share with her best friend - wasn't that wonderful.

She may be the center of your universe but she is not the center of the teacher's universe.

the trip is over, she didn't come home with any injuries / she didn't phone home every night in hysterics missing you / she shared with her best friend.

She is going to ' big ' school in 3 months, you won't be contacting teachers over friendship groups etc. - will you.

Just adding, this time of year must be exhausting for Y6 teachers. They have got kids through SATS (if that is still a thing), done the secondary prep, organised and supervised residentials, and are now putting on a school play, plus there will be sports days, maybe concerts, leavers ceremonies etc. Rather than picking fault, try and enjoy these final milestone weeks, and encourage your DD to look for the positives rather than nitpick the negatives.

I've been that year 6 teacher with post it notes and names for the residential spread out over 4 desks trying to make everyone happy. Hours spent trying to put groups together, or not put kids together as the case may be. The reality of PGL is that the instructors and teachers do their very best to make sure no-one is left out during activities. I think you could mention it. But also ask what your daughter did enjoy.

The school play? Also many factors that go in to it. But I'd let the teacher know she's feeling a bit disappointed and ask if they could encourage and support her. At this point PGL + Play + Post SATs , she's probably absolutely knackered and feeling a bit flat in general. See how half term goes.

As an aside, my year 6 has just been given the lead role in the school play. Nobody expected this. Not me, not the teachers and not the usual lead role who has been very vocal that it should've been him. What nobody (apart from us parents) saw was him going and finding the songs, learning the audition lines and being so dedicated in pursuit of the part. Sometimes it happens.

What would you be mentioning to the school exactly?

My response to this situation would be to ask myself what action can I take that will have the best, long-term impact on my child. For me, my answer would be that this is an opportunity to support your child to develop her own agency and power over her life. Things happen that are not what we would want; it is not these things in themselves that cause happiness or unhappiness but, instead, it is a combination of our expectations and our responses that create this happiness or unhappiness. Framing and (re)framing have a very practical part to play in this (as my now adult daughter reminds me when I'm grumbling about feeling badly done to).

The opportunity to sleep in a room with a best friend (giving some lovely connection at bedtime, which can be a challenging time on residential) combined with doing daytime activities with children who are less familiar is a perfect opportunity to practise getting to know people better and learning to deal with different personalities - excellent preparation for secondary school and later life.

In relation to the school play, there may be many reasons why different children get different parts. I remember when I was 8 or 9, I did not get the lead role in a play my Brownie pack was putting on. At the time, I couldn't understand it as I knew my audition was great and I would have given a confident performance. I was given an extremely minor role. I subsequently realised that I wasn't given the lead part because it wouldn't have developed me - I could have done it in my sleep - but the girl who did get the lead role was a very shy girl who developed greatly through rising to the challenge. My very minor role did develop me in areas where I could learn something - humility and the concept of the greater good over personal success.

In my view, if you miss the opportunities this situation is giving you to develop, as several others have identified, your daughter's resilience, you are also denying her the opportunity to develop power over her own responses to life's situations. A child who is supported to learn that it is not the externalities of life that create happiness, peace and satisfaction but, rather, it is our ability to manage our responses to these externalities and see the learning opportunities within, is the child that will be happier in the long term.

Please do not talk to the teachers. This is missing the point of your child's life experiences and is denying her the opportunity to grow up to be the arbiter of her own happiness.

No I wouldn’t mention it. She was in a room her her best mate which is the most important thing. It looks like school tried to accommodate. Plus not everyone can have a key role in plays. I think this is just a life lesson she has to gently learn.

Instead of complaining you could thank the teachers for taking the dc on a trip instead.

She was in a room with her best friend - win! Typically Y6 plays are designed so everyone gets their moment in the spotlight. Usually about three to four lead roles, then a fairly even distribution of lines. Nothing to mention here.

Doesn’t she only have six weeks left at school now?

I’ve been the teacher sorting rooms and groups on school trips and it is really complicated. Especially if some friends all put each other and some were left out.

Once sorting form groups, everyone was asked to write three names of friends. There was one girl in the whole year who didn’t make it onto any list. And then when we were arranging a social trip her Dad phoned and gave me an earful that socials were a waste of time and why should he fork out money for a social? I was so tempted to tell him. Of course I did not.

Pgl trip is done, chalk it up to experience. But tbh doesnt sound that bad... She's likely to come across greater hardships in life. Anyway not sure what mentioning too the school would achieve?

Ditto the play, the kids can't all get the part they want. Life is unfair.

Building resilience is likely to benefit her more in the long run.