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Original poster

Mums 60- Only me doing anything

31 replies

Fatcrab · 23/05/2025 14:03

Ugh I just need to vent. Mum has been ill for last 4 years and lost her partner...and is turning 60 in september. Brother has not been in employment for years and does nothing but game. She has very few friends if any and family not bothered because she is cantankerous and pushed everyone away. If i take her away i will have to pay for everything as she is on sickness.

My aunt asked me what I was planning for my mum, and it just made me realise that it all falls to me. I did a lil meal for her 50th and took her to canada for her 40th. Obvs I want to do something and I love her....but i just need to vent that its always me when no one else cares or picks up the bill.

Anyone else experience this?

OP posts:
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Weepixie · 23/05/2025 18:36

Op, at 67 my favourite birthday celebration is a wee afternoon tea with my children and grandchildren with everyone bringing something for the table with them.

im sure your mum would be happy just you and her, a cuppa and cake. No one else needs to be invited.

Cadenza12 · 23/05/2025 18:33

Lunch or afternoon tea somewhere nice. You are going to have to arrange it so might as well organise something you'll like too. You're a good daughter

Original poster
Fatcrab · 23/05/2025 18:25

@TourangaLeila 18.

OP posts:
TourangaLeila · 23/05/2025 18:24

You had enough money to take her to Canada for her 40th? Your mum? How young did she have you?

ginasevern · 23/05/2025 18:21

I don't agree with others that she should organise her own birthday, especially as she's recently been widowed and it's her 60th. I would think a nice lunch out or afternoon tea somewhere would be more than fine. I'm in my 60's and widowed and I'd be delighted if someone did that for me. To be honest, company and good conversation is more important than material things.

Hercthemerc · 23/05/2025 18:16

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 23/05/2025 14:37

Exactly this. It's her choice to not have friends or anyone close.
Don't feel obligated to gift international holidays or big gifts, it's fine.

Show quote history

This - did your mum gift you a nice trip at 18,21,25, 30 ???

hattie43 · 23/05/2025 18:15

You are writing like she’s a hundred . She’s capable of arranging her own birthday . I’d turn up with a small gift and flowers .

MagicalMystical · 23/05/2025 17:58

She’s a grown woman, why is she not organising her own bday celebrations like the rest of us? She’s only 60, you’re talking like she’s 6 or 96.

MoistVonL · 23/05/2025 17:55

Going out for lunch with you and your brother would be a nice 60th.

halfpastten · 23/05/2025 17:48

I'm 60 next year and would be delighted if my DD organised something like a nice lunch or afternoon tea. That would be perfect. Like your DM I'm widowed, so company is much much more important than a gift.

CloudywMeatballs · 23/05/2025 16:05

Fatcrab · 23/05/2025 15:56

Well she will feel a void if no one does anything....and if I dont arrange anything then nothing will get done....be it a small dinner or a trip away or a present..whatever it is. I could rally up a few people to make her feel a bit special. I text my brother just now and said "what are you planning for mums 60th" and he replied "Not sure, what can we do"🤣🙈

I do feel bad for how lonely she is, given shes only been widowed 1 year + illnes and no income etc.

Just needed a rant. Thanks for listening.

Well then, do something. A nice gift. That's all you need to worry about. Let other people do what they want to do.

ICantBeDoingWithThat · 23/05/2025 16:03

You don't have to organise your brother, or anyone else for that matter. Let them do their thing.
Pick a nice card and a gift, wrap it. Buy a cake and flowers if she likes those. Bob round on the day and make a fuss of her.

Original poster
Fatcrab · 23/05/2025 15:56

Well she will feel a void if no one does anything....and if I dont arrange anything then nothing will get done....be it a small dinner or a trip away or a present..whatever it is. I could rally up a few people to make her feel a bit special. I text my brother just now and said "what are you planning for mums 60th" and he replied "Not sure, what can we do"🤣🙈

I do feel bad for how lonely she is, given shes only been widowed 1 year + illnes and no income etc.

Just needed a rant. Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
aspidernamedfluffy · 23/05/2025 15:33

Does your mum want/expect you to do anything for her 60th, or are you just assuming that because the birthday has a 0 at the end it's must be celebrated?

heavenisaplaceonearth · 23/05/2025 14:50

FFS she’s only 60! You are talking like she’s 90

TorroFerney · 23/05/2025 14:47

Don’t be a martyr, what you mean is I’ve just realised that due to some misplaced sense of guilt or because I’m generally a people pleaser I’m going to tell myself a story which is I have to do it all and then be really resentful. She’s 60 if she wants a party or something she can arrange it surely. She should be getting in touch with you and sorting a birthday meal.

Redpeach · 23/05/2025 14:44

Ask auntie the same question

Dreichweather · 23/05/2025 14:42

Buy her a present and some cake or take just her out for coffee or lunch. You’re making this into a much bigger deal than it is.

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 23/05/2025 14:37

Lovenpic · 23/05/2025 14:17

Don’t blame other people, blame your mum. She’s cantankerous and has pushed people away… so she doesn’t to have people who want to celebrate with her.

Do what you’re comfortable with time/ effort / money wise, and drop the guilt. Others are doing the same

Exactly this. It's her choice to not have friends or anyone close.
Don't feel obligated to gift international holidays or big gifts, it's fine.

Viviennemary · 23/05/2025 14:25

She is only 60 not 90. Buy her a nice present.

Picklechicken · 23/05/2025 14:22

TreeDudette · 23/05/2025 14:18

Give her a gift... isn't that what you do for birthdays?

This.

Just a simple, nice gift is more than enough.

Poopeepoopee · 23/05/2025 14:22

I agree with PP. A nice gift and card will be enough. If your aunt (i'm presuming your mums sister?) wants to do anything she's welcome too although I'm not sure why she's discussing it with you and not her actual sister.

CloudywMeatballs · 23/05/2025 14:21

You don't have to do anything! Because it's her 60th rather than her 59th or 61st, you could buy her a slightly nicer gift than you would normally, and maybe even take her out for a meal. But why consider doing any more than that?

TreeDudette · 23/05/2025 14:18

Give her a gift... isn't that what you do for birthdays?

Lovenpic · 23/05/2025 14:17

Don’t blame other people, blame your mum. She’s cantankerous and has pushed people away… so she doesn’t to have people who want to celebrate with her.

Do what you’re comfortable with time/ effort / money wise, and drop the guilt. Others are doing the same