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Original poster

Friend has caused nearly £300 plus worth of destruction

532 replies

Bunnyboilerfriend · 23/05/2025 07:49

I had my friend stay the night last night, I waved her off goodbye this morning.

I said something unwittingly last night that made her think I’m after the same man she is, I am not. He is a mutual friend. I could see she was upset and tried to clarify things, she said she understood and she was fine. We both went to bed. Me upstairs. Her downstairs.

After I have seen her off this morning, I have just noticed a number of my jewellery on the hallways console are either broken or bent out of shape beyond recognition.

They were fine last night, there is no one else here who could have done it. I could see she was not only upset but angry last night, but seemed to have composed herself and it was resolved.

I have just sent a text to her saying can you tell me what happened to my jewellery on the console?

I am so shocked and upset I’m almost shaking, I feel so betrayed and violated.

What can I do next?

OP posts:
657904I · 23/05/2025 11:44

AthWat · 23/05/2025 11:16

Honestly? The police have nothing but the OP's word. Do you think they prosecute on that?

As far as they are concerned if the OP might be lying and the friend might be lying, there's no evidence either way. And as the "crime" is so trivial, it's not worth any resources to do any investigation to see if there is any corroborating evidence.
A civil court of course is different. There it's often one person's word against another.

Show quote history

Honestly? I think you’re unnecessarily pessimistic about this and are possibly projecting your own issues. In any case you are not in a decision making position.

In terms of the police, they have a clear person of interest to investigate. That already makes their job significantly easier. “One person’s word against another” also isn’t as large as a barrier as you are fear-mongering about, it is fairly simply to disprove the outlandish version of events proposed. In fact having a stupid claim put forward by the offender, may pique the interest of the police as opposed to a reasonable explanation.

CustardySergeant · 23/05/2025 11:44

Todayisaday · 23/05/2025 11:37

Well this is shit if you are sure it is her, she is unhinged.
However, it's not a police matter. They are hardly going to come and fingerprint your jewelry to determine it was her. You were both drinking, its her word against yours, no evidence and quite frankly a waste of police time and money.

What do you mean "you were both drinking"? Neither of them were drinking!

Calliopespa · 23/05/2025 11:42

faerietales · 23/05/2025 08:03

Who else do you imagine it was then, an alien? A ghost? A very specific burglar?

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I guess maybe she could have put something heavy down on it unthinkingly or similar.

It’s unlikely, but also “never say never.” If you don’t know, you don’t know.

Too unlikely for me to feel comfortable around her though, as if it was intentional, it’s really vicious

AthWat · 23/05/2025 11:40

SuperTrooper14 · 23/05/2025 11:30

Prosecuting is ultimately a decision for the CPS. But would officers been sent out if OP reported it? Yes. Criminal damage to someone's property in their own home isn't trivial and the fact people are so dismissive is why we have shockingly high unsolved crime numbers. The public is too quick to let the police and the Govt off the hook when it comes to tackling others breaking the law. There should be better funding and more resources.

Edited
Show quote history

Of course there should be better funding and more resources but at the moment there are not, and though she might get a PCSO come to her door if she phones it in, that will be the extent of it.
It's not about what ought to happen, it's about what will.

onemaybetwo · 23/05/2025 11:39

Viviennemary · 23/05/2025 07:53

You simply have no actual proof she did this. But if you are sure she did then end the friendship and have nothing more to do with her. It does seem an odd thing to do when she would be the obvious suspect. She is unhinged.

Well unless the mutual friend is perhaps Uri Geller who else would have done it ?!

Blackdow · 23/05/2025 11:38

Clarissaclaire · 23/05/2025 10:22

So sorry OP, this sort of bad behaviour is appalling. I understand how you feel.
We installed a new kitchen. Our ‘friends’ Sue and Bob (not their real names) came to stay for the weekend. Sue loved our kitchen and repeatedly said she wanted a new kitchen too, Bob was clearly very irritated by this.
On the last day of the visit we went out for a long walk, we just got outside the house when Bob asked if he could go back in to use the toilet. We all waited outside.
We went for our walk, and immediately afterwards Bob and Sue got in their car and headed home.
On entering the kitchen I was horrified to see a chip out of our new kitchen work top, and a chip out of our new enamel stove top kettle.
So many emotions, but there was absolutely nothing we could prove or do.

Did you ever speak to Sue and Bob about it? I’d have at least told Sue what you saw when you went inside and explained that, due to that, they would never be invited back.

AthWat · 23/05/2025 11:38

WisteriaMysteria · 23/05/2025 11:18

Are you the friend?
Damaging property is one of the key signs in intimidation, bullying, coercive control, and domestic abuse.
Fingerprinting isn't hard to do.
Stalking happens. People can be volatile.
Women don't get a free pass to be vile to other women.

Show quote history

Yes, that's right, I'm the friend. How perceptive of you! In fact, everyone here saynig the police won't act on this is the friend.

657904I · 23/05/2025 11:37

To be honest this is a moment where you need to think rationally and not act with haste.

I don’t think your text messages to her paint you in a good light, because you may need to rely on these messages in the future as evidence of an issue but the messages are quite weak and ambiguous.

Eg in your first message it would have been better if you directly said what the issue is (ie jewellery being pulled apart/broken). Then instead of “this is not up for debate” you should have stated that you did not fall and that you are shocked by her bizarre allegation. Add something like yesterday the jewellery was in good condition and following her being in your house, it has been damaged. In any case, you falling would not cause jewellery to be bent out of shape as the precise force required wouldn’t be met.

Secondly I think you should escalate regardless. Certainly call the police. They are NOT going to investigate this with urgency and they may not even take action but the record of the police report would strengthen your case should you make an insurance claim or a money claim online. If the police do investigate, then there could be evidence they obtain like her dna on the items. Make sure you photograph and video the damage.

Todayisaday · 23/05/2025 11:37

Well this is shit if you are sure it is her, she is unhinged.
However, it's not a police matter. They are hardly going to come and fingerprint your jewelry to determine it was her. You were both drinking, its her word against yours, no evidence and quite frankly a waste of police time and money.

SuperTrooper14 · 23/05/2025 11:30

AthWat · 23/05/2025 11:16

Honestly? The police have nothing but the OP's word. Do you think they prosecute on that?

As far as they are concerned if the OP might be lying and the friend might be lying, there's no evidence either way. And as the "crime" is so trivial, it's not worth any resources to do any investigation to see if there is any corroborating evidence.
A civil court of course is different. There it's often one person's word against another.

Show quote history

Prosecuting is ultimately a decision for the CPS. But would officers been sent out if OP reported it? Yes. Criminal damage to someone's property in their own home isn't trivial and the fact people are so dismissive is why we have shockingly high unsolved crime numbers. The public is too quick to let the police and the Govt off the hook when it comes to tackling others breaking the law. There should be better funding and more resources.

MzHz · 23/05/2025 11:30

Bunnyboilerfriend · 23/05/2025 10:35

If I had to guess, I know that she would prefer to pay, because she knows if I’ve said I’m going to do something I follow it up, and she won’t want the aggro with her friends finding out, some of who are her colleagues, she’s got a rep to protect and as far as I know she’s never done anything like this, nothing we know about anyway.

BUT she will be afraid that paying up will be an admission of guilt and will be afraid of that coming out. She’s painted herself into a corner. She’s also probably too thick to figure her way out of it, I have only now realised today how thick she is, I am embarrassed for her. She needs to fix this. Can’t just step on people like this literally and go swanning off into the sunset, not today.

Tell EVERYONE- send photos

CustardySergeant · 23/05/2025 11:26

IkeaJesusChrist · 23/05/2025 09:41

I'd shit on her doorstep and fuck the bloke.

How classy.

Toptotoe · 23/05/2025 11:24

She sounds unhinged. There is nothing you can do about it legally as it’s her word against yours. Just cut your losses and have nothing further to do with her.

PullTheBricksDown · 23/05/2025 11:23

IkeaJesusChrist · 23/05/2025 09:41

I'd shit on her doorstep and fuck the bloke.

I'd tell her in a few weeks you've fucked the bloke. Same effect, less effort. 😎

ScandiStyle · 23/05/2025 11:22

WisteriaMysteria · 23/05/2025 11:19

All the Don't Try counsellors of despair on here need to go out and touch grass.

And maybe volunteer as police community officers.

All the 'call the police' posters clearly are a in lala land, because they don't realise that the 'crime number' is an answerphone, no action will be taken and this is petty damage that doesn't even figure on their radar

WisteriaMysteria · 23/05/2025 11:19

All the Don't Try counsellors of despair on here need to go out and touch grass.

And maybe volunteer as police community officers.

ScandiStyle · 23/05/2025 11:18

SuperTrooper14 · 23/05/2025 11:11

Sigh. Show me you know nothing about police procedure by showing me you know nothing about police procedure.

People have been convicted for murder based on compelling circumstantial evidence alone. It's admissible in court and can be a crucial part of a prosecution case. The friend can deny it all she wants but jewellery doesn't bend completely out of shape just by being nudged on a table and not even falling to the floor. So the police wouldn't just take her word for it and go 'oh well, that's done and dusted, let's all go have a nice cup of tea'. 🙄

Show quote history

I think most of the comments here are ridiculous.

I assume no one here has much experience of how the police are now working.
By phoning, you will get a recorded message. They will assess if anything needs to be done. It's likely they won't.

An elderly friend of mine had her garage broken into, lots of tools stolen, huge damage to the doors, she lives alone and at first the police were not remotely interested in going to see her or the damage. It took her to call them again, and 'beg' they came out as she felt vulnerable.

WisteriaMysteria · 23/05/2025 11:18

AthWat · 23/05/2025 11:16

Honestly? The police have nothing but the OP's word. Do you think they prosecute on that?

As far as they are concerned if the OP might be lying and the friend might be lying, there's no evidence either way. And as the "crime" is so trivial, it's not worth any resources to do any investigation to see if there is any corroborating evidence.
A civil court of course is different. There it's often one person's word against another.

Show quote history

Are you the friend?
Damaging property is one of the key signs in intimidation, bullying, coercive control, and domestic abuse.
Fingerprinting isn't hard to do.
Stalking happens. People can be volatile.
Women don't get a free pass to be vile to other women.

Ilovecakey · 23/05/2025 11:16

For that I would get the man she wants

AthWat · 23/05/2025 11:16

SuperTrooper14 · 23/05/2025 11:11

Sigh. Show me you know nothing about police procedure by showing me you know nothing about police procedure.

People have been convicted for murder based on compelling circumstantial evidence alone. It's admissible in court and can be a crucial part of a prosecution case. The friend can deny it all she wants but jewellery doesn't bend completely out of shape just by being nudged on a table and not even falling to the floor. So the police wouldn't just take her word for it and go 'oh well, that's done and dusted, let's all go have a nice cup of tea'. 🙄

Show quote history

Honestly? The police have nothing but the OP's word. Do you think they prosecute on that?

As far as they are concerned if the OP might be lying and the friend might be lying, there's no evidence either way. And as the "crime" is so trivial, it's not worth any resources to do any investigation to see if there is any corroborating evidence.
A civil court of course is different. There it's often one person's word against another.

Dangermoo · 23/05/2025 11:15

theclampits · 23/05/2025 10:41

Well, Most blokes don’t turn down a shag so I’d say she has a pretty good chance

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😆 🤣

Mymanyellow · 23/05/2025 11:14

I would report it to to the police, fully expecting them not to investigate, they will give you a crime number for your insurance should you wish to claim. Your increased premium might but make it worth it though.
Definitely check the rest of your house for any other damage. But a new toothbrush, check around for anything that might start to smell that sort of thing. And tell the man in question.

SuperTrooper14 · 23/05/2025 11:13

Clarissaclaire · 23/05/2025 10:22

So sorry OP, this sort of bad behaviour is appalling. I understand how you feel.
We installed a new kitchen. Our ‘friends’ Sue and Bob (not their real names) came to stay for the weekend. Sue loved our kitchen and repeatedly said she wanted a new kitchen too, Bob was clearly very irritated by this.
On the last day of the visit we went out for a long walk, we just got outside the house when Bob asked if he could go back in to use the toilet. We all waited outside.
We went for our walk, and immediately afterwards Bob and Sue got in their car and headed home.
On entering the kitchen I was horrified to see a chip out of our new kitchen work top, and a chip out of our new enamel stove top kettle.
So many emotions, but there was absolutely nothing we could prove or do.

Oh my god that is appalling. I'd be furious! Did you ever bring it up with them?

AthWat · 23/05/2025 11:13

WisteriaMysteria · 23/05/2025 11:10

The friend isn't 9 years old. It is seriously concerning that she would do this. I'd want it logged.

Who knows when next she'll decide to blame OP or someone else for something.

Show quote history

Nothing wrong with wanting it logged. Just don't expect them to do anything but log it.

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