Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would this upset you? Work related

31 replies

nicecuppatea7 · 22/05/2025 16:40

This has made me feel like shit but I’m not sure if I’m being dramatic or not. Obviously I won’t say anything and will remain professional, but I just wanted to see if anyone else would feel the same way.

I’ve been in my job for just over a year now, positive feedback, no issues etc. My team is small and we all get on really well, my manager is lovely too.

My manager reports to the HR director. I don’t have much contact with her and neither does the rest of the team except for the odd meeting / update. She’s always been polite and friendly when I’ve spoken to her and has, on a couple of occasions praised my work.

She recently bought us all a gift each to thank us for our hard work. Mine was a box of chocolates (which was lovely and I was grateful for), however I later found out that she had bought everyone else a bottle of fizz and flowers. I’m the only person in the team that received chocolates, and I only found this out as my colleague mentioned it saying how lovely it was without realising I hadn’t been given the same. She was mortified when she realised.

AIBU to be a bit hurt by this and feel singled out? I’m curious more than anything, perhaps she doesn’t like me for some reason. As I said I won’t mention anything, but I do think it’s a shitty thing to do, especially considering the position that she’s in. The company focuses heavily on inclusion etc so I’m just surprised really.

OP posts:
user2848502016 · 22/05/2025 17:04

It is weird and a bit shitty yes. If she didn’t know whether you drink or not she would have surely bought you flowers and chocolates of the same value as the fizz

Trumptonagain · 22/05/2025 16:59

Maybe she doesn't know if you do like alcohol or not, as you say it's never mentioned either way.

As a non wine drinker I've a cupboard full of wine given as thank you presents from people that don't know me well enough to know I don't like it, it really isn't something that's been mentioned during conversation.

Flowers, unless a hay fever suffer, would be a safe present to give as are the chocolates, for those that may mention diabetes I'll add in maybe not then.

But I'd definitely be pleased with the chocolates, silently miffed at not getting the flowers too though.

nicecuppatea7 · 22/05/2025 16:49

@ExtraOnions I’m not sure why she would think that as I’ve never mentioned anything about alcohol or chocolates or whether I like one more than the other. Maybe she thought I had though, so if that’s the case then fair enough.

It’s a small team, there’s only 5 of us, including my manager, and everyone else received a bottle of alcohol and flowers.

OP posts:
2dogsandabudgie · 22/05/2025 16:48

For me it would depend on what brand of chocolates, were they cheap ones. Do you think the chocolates added up to the same price as the wine and flowers.

I wouldn't automatically assume that she doesn't like you. Maybe the shop only had so many bunches of flowers left or maybe she thinks you don't drink. There could be a perfectly reasonable explanation. I wouldn't worry about it

ExtraOnions · 22/05/2025 16:45

Maybe she thought you didn’t drink
Maybe she thought you liked chocolate
Maybe others got something different (unless you have spoken to them all)

Boss thanks people for work well done, by buying them a gift, possibly with their own money.. and someone finds a reason to moan. This is why being a manager is a thankless task at times.

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 22/05/2025 16:44

Have you ever expressed a preference for chocolates or said you don't drink?

Given everything you said I think it'd be wise to give the benefit of the doubt and assume there was a positive reason rather than her not liking you.