Needed the toilet while shopping with pram… was I unreasonable?

Because your instincts told you it was safe

An incredibly famous UK actress literally handed her baby to my sister in law with a "would you mind?" outside the door to the toilets in a cafe in Richmond. We've all been there.

I did this with a nice Granny in M&S once and similarly mulled it over and chastised myself afterwards. But you are a human: what else are you supposed to do?!

She works in the coffee shop. Other people were around. There will be CCTV. Of course it’s not impossible that something terrible could happen but I think less bad than what I did since the old lady was a literal stranger albeit very nice.

Why are you worried about this? There is virtually zero risk. You’ll put your baby in more danger every time you cross a road or walk down a pavement.

Hi @feelingbaddd I also think that what you did was fine.

I think that her talking to your baby was to be nice, but also to reassure you that she was still there and haven’t wandered off or anything like that.

You hardly left the baby with her, it sounds like you never more than 2 metres away from the baby and could hear them. What do you think could possibly happen?

It was a perfectly normal, safe and risk assessed thing to do. It’s more saddening that you’re second guessing this now and wouldn’t do it in future.

I had to do similar as had 3 under 5. You did nothing wrong op

In Iceland babies are left outside cafes in the cold to sleep.

Nobody runs off with the children

Oh OP, I did worse. When DS2 was just 2 months I was at a soft play for the first time ever with DS1, who was 2.5 years old. He was so excited that he ended up having an accident. The stress of him wetting himself in the middle of the floor and holding a baby who had just fallen sleep left me puzzled on what to do. A kind lady with several children of her own held my baby whilst I took DS1 to the bathroom to clean him up and get him changed.

I didn’t know this lady. I had never spoken to her. And I left her holding 2 month old whilst I went off to the bathroom. It was only later in the day that I realised what I had done and felt awful that my son could have been kidnapped.

I wasn’t even a new mum! But every now and then, we have moments where we lose our senses. So we all make silly mistakes sometimes.

But I think really, deep down, you knew you could trust the manager of the cafe and knew your child would be safe. She wasn’t a complete stranger.

I am not saying that to be mean - I just relate to that level of guilt and anxiety and it makes parenting really hard in the long term.

Yes in an ideal world you would do things in the safest and best way but this is not the ideal world and we are not super humans - just tired, exhausted Mums with only a certain amount of resources and doing our best. You made a fine decision and out of necessity - completely normal and fine.

You sound like a wonderful Mum but do take it easy on yourself xxx

You’re feeling far too guilty and you need to be more concerned about your level of anxiety and worry. Parenting can’t always be a perfect and risk free thing. It was a few minutes & peeing is a necessity.

She’s not going to assault or kidnap your child with you two feet away and her colleagues and customers right outside. It was a perfectly sensible thing to do.

Absolutely fine, the chances that she was going to run off with your baby or something are beyond miniscule.

And its something many of us have had to do at some point, due to toilets not having room for prams. I had to ask a complete stranger, in the waiting room at the doctors to watch my newborn while I went to the loo because there wasn't room to get the pram in. I came out and she was smiling and chatting away at him.

I had to rush my sick, elderly cat to the vet suddenly when DD was about 6 weeks old. I had to have the cat PTS there and then, DD was crying and I let one of the nurses wheel her around the building (large vet hospital) completely out of sight while I said my goodbyes to Dcat and spoke to vet.

I felt absolutely awful about it afterwards but it was one of those things, I know some of the vet nurse’s personally through a hobby but not the one that looked after DD. It was only for 10 mins max but I did beat myself up about it for a while.

In reality I know that the place is full of CCTV, the staff just all cooed over her and were kind and helpful and nothing bad happened but I get the feeling @feelingbaddd

When your baby is a little bit older you are going to tell them, “if you get separated from me in the shop go to the desk and ask a lady to help you”

The reason you will say this is that statistically the risk of a woman hurting a child is really really low.

What you did was not only fine, it was quite sensible and practical.

I had to leave my 6 week old son in the trolley cot along with all my shopping with a complete stranger in Tesco once.

My potty training toddler announced loudly that she needed a poo, I panicked as I knew I couldn't deal with toddler poo while holding my newborn ... a (thankfully) lovely, kind lady overheard and offered to stand with my baby while I took DD to the toilet. I didn't really have much of a choice.

Sometimes you have to make a judgement call and trust that there are some good people left out there.
You didn't do anything wrong.

Give yourself a break. I would have done the same thing. You left baby with a woman who works in the coffee shop who you have had conversations with over a long period of time.
You never asked a random stranger at the next table to mind your baby.

Think no more of it, your fine you didn’t wet yourself and baby is all good as well. Win win.

Drat I voted incorrectly! I was saying YABU for worrying about it
Totally fine! And wait until you've got a toddler and a new born, even more conflicting chaos!!

OP please don't worry. You knew her and you knew where she worked, it's extremely unlikely anyone would steal a baby, but definitely not from their job.

I have watched prams before for women going to the loo, and these were complete strangers.

She works there and you used to chat to her every day so she’s not a complete stranger, it’s fine.

Its sort of a sad reflection of our times when something women have done for hundred of years, looked put for each others babies, is something to be wary of.

I'm not saying you should leave your baby in Oxford Circus while popping into John Lewis, but somewhere you know well on a situation like this, any risk is extremely minute.

This happens thousands of times a day without incident.
I did it several times, particularly when there was DC2 and toilet training in the equation.

I was once in the park and a lady ask me to watch her per-school twins while she went to the loo. She was about 15 mins. I was so shocked! But then I thought... why not... we are mothers, we are a community... and then I realised I am British and she was European... we are uptight and convinced everyone will steal our babies... Europeans are not.

I am guessing that this is your first baby and also that they are fairly young and you are at the stage of wanting to everything "right" . Please don't beat yourself up, any parent would have done the same.

I would have done the same. I think youre overthinking it.