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Original poster

To find this very odd. Do I ditch this person

89 replies

Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 16:13

Well I am looking for advice because I am finding this really weird. I have friend she is 20 years older than me, she was my best friends neighbour and we’ve always got along but she has always been a bit unusual. She is in her 60s I used to take her for shopping etc occasionally or go around and have dinner with her as I am single parent and I enjoyed the company.

In the pst year i changed jobs I have a much longer commute and also my daughter does not go to her dads house very much. This friend is constantly asking me to to take her places and I have had to decline either tired or busy. Now she keeps saying im so worried about you, go to the doctor you must ill. I said I’ve been had bloods had low folate and im on medication and she saying things like go back for a second opinion you don’t look well and it’s all the time. My other friend said I look fine but this is bizarre is she gaslighting me? Or maybe getting mentally ill? I don’t want to be mean but it’s really bothering me should I just cut her off?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 18:44

FKAT · 22/05/2025 18:43

Weird first responses. She is clearly manipulating you with the 'tired' thing. You no longer do what she wants you to do so she's trying to make you doubt yourself.

I believe so but she sounded so confused and hurt when I lost my temper that I felt really guilty.

OP posts:
FKAT · 22/05/2025 18:43

Weird first responses. She is clearly manipulating you with the 'tired' thing. You no longer do what she wants you to do so she's trying to make you doubt yourself.

Original poster
Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 18:42

ginasevern · 22/05/2025 18:39

Even if she is going through mental health problems, what exactly do you propose to do about it. Do you want to be her support? Because if you do, be prepared for the long haul with a lot of take with very little give. Have you honestly got the time and energy to take on that role? Once you go down that route, you will find it even more difficult to step back and you will be subject to backlash from her family.

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I cannot take on the role my DD just started her periods and is a bit of handful on an emotional
level at times. She used to stay at her dads two nights per week but now she still goes out with her dad for dinner etc but she wants to be at home and not go between two houses so I don’t have that free time that I did. Her dad is fine with it i just want my daughter to be happy because pre teen is a difficult time for
kids.

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 22/05/2025 18:39

Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 18:34

Ive explained over and over in so many different ways that I do not have the energy to do so anymore.

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Well then you need to take a step back.

ginasevern · 22/05/2025 18:39

Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 18:32

Very true. I thought she was going through mental health problems but maybe not. This is a why I asked for advice because it was a bit baffling.

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Even if she is going through mental health problems, what exactly do you propose to do about it. Do you want to be her support? Because if you do, be prepared for the long haul with a lot of take with very little give. Have you honestly got the time and energy to take on that role? Once you go down that route, you will find it even more difficult to step back and you will be subject to backlash from her family.

Terrribletwos · 22/05/2025 18:36

Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 16:45

I am not drip feeding ive know her since my twenties shes 20 years older than me and on the large side but she still manages fairly well. She always took us under her wing when we were young and daft so yeah I do feel obligated a little bit. Starting wish I hadn’t asked now.

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Ah, so you feel obligated and can't somehow retract. That's hard for you. But at the same time you mustn't feel obliged. You can only do what you are capable of and right now you are saying it's all too much. That's ok...step back if you think it's too much. It's not your fault and not your responsibility!

Original poster
Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 18:34

Terrribletwos · 22/05/2025 18:30

Why not tell her this?

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Ive explained over and over in so many different ways that I do not have the energy to do so anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 18:32

ginasevern · 22/05/2025 17:52

Well, she doesn't feel like family really does she. I mean, she's constantly upsetting you and making you angry. To the extent that you've posted here for advice. She isn't going to stop and she's not likely to change at the age of 60. You need to step back. She isn't a sad and lonely, impoverished old woman.

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Very true. I thought she was going through mental health problems but maybe not. This is a why I asked for advice because it was a bit baffling.

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 22/05/2025 18:30

Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 17:17

She has a large family so they do need to do more for her. What she is failing to realise is that we are getting older too and our priorities have had to change due to children work
etc. I lived closer to her before also but she would still never come to my house and like I said I am a single
parent and I like her company but this is driving me
nuts.

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Why not tell her this?

Original poster
Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 18:27

Terrribletwos · 22/05/2025 17:58

Ah,, you feel sorry for her and obligated. But why? If it's too much direct her to social services.

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Ive have known her for so long and I do care for her. She doesn’t think she needs help frm
social services and I think she is lonely. I get lonely too my DD is at an age where she is chatting to her friend etc but I need to be here as she isn’t old enough to be alone in the evenings

OP posts:
Original poster
Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 18:23

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/05/2025 18:05

Either you're tired, with low folate and on medication (as per your OP) or you're lying to her that you're tired with low folate and on medication.

Which is it, then?

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I had low folate but have been on folic acid for 3 months so no not lying but take the sarcasm elsewhere i am genuinely a bit upset about this situation is turning out thank
you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 18:21

Planterns · 22/05/2025 17:23

It's weird and intrusive. Have you had any hints of oddness with her before? My dm gets obsessed with certain things, usually health related. She can be convinced you have something and won't let it lie. It also smacks a bit of her deflecting from you not wanting to spend as much time with her. As though she can't accept that, there must be another reason.

She is an unusual character, she tends to say the wrong thing in some
situations but we’ve always said that’s just her but this does feel weird and creeping me
out a little.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/05/2025 18:05

Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 16:39

That is not how it is at all. Wrong.

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Either you're tired, with low folate and on medication (as per your OP) or you're lying to her that you're tired with low folate and on medication.

Which is it, then?

Terrribletwos · 22/05/2025 17:58

Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 17:43

It’s just a bit sad because she feels a bit like family really.

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Ah,, you feel sorry for her and obligated. But why? If it's too much direct her to social services.

Milly16 · 22/05/2025 17:58

Some of these responses are very odd. You are not being unreasonable at all. She is upset you are no longer available and subconsciously or consciously trying to punish you. Telling someone they look tired or ill is incredibly rude. She should simply say that she misses you and would love to get a date in the diary to meet at some point but understands things have changed for you

ginasevern · 22/05/2025 17:52

Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 17:43

It’s just a bit sad because she feels a bit like family really.

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Well, she doesn't feel like family really does she. I mean, she's constantly upsetting you and making you angry. To the extent that you've posted here for advice. She isn't going to stop and she's not likely to change at the age of 60. You need to step back. She isn't a sad and lonely, impoverished old woman.

CalicoPusscat · 22/05/2025 17:47

She's relying on you too much - if you keep in contact make it clear it's once a month or whatever due to other commitments.

Original poster
Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 17:46

Mulletbelle · 22/05/2025 17:36

Just get rid.

She brings nothing to your life - she's draining you of your finite spirit, time, energy and headspace - which as a single, working, communiting, peri parent to an almost teenager you cant afford to give to her - pivot your focus to you and your DDs well-being.

This character is only going to get more needy, demanding and contrary - get out now and focus on yourself and your DD for the next critical years.

You are in FOG fear, obligation, guilt mindset - NEVER a good reason to do anything.

You owe her nothing - you were a good friend and I expect the balance of benefit has firmly been in her favour for many years now.

She sounds selfish, tedious and manipulative.

Thank you, I agree my daughter is going through changes as I am and im paving the path forward for her starting high school etc i don’t need it.

OP posts:
PrettyPuss · 22/05/2025 17:45

Just tell her that she's boring you now with the sickness comments. She is trying to make you feel guilty in a weird, roundabout way. Gaslighting.

Original poster
Lesleyann25 · 22/05/2025 17:43

ginasevern · 22/05/2025 17:32

OP, it's all fairly simple. Your life has changed and you'ree in a very different place now. She's also in a very different place, stage of life etc to you. She doesn't want to understand and she never will. Cutting her out of your life is the only way to get her off your back. There's no need to agonise over this.

It’s just a bit sad because she feels a bit like family really.

OP posts:
Mulletbelle · 22/05/2025 17:36

Just get rid.

She brings nothing to your life - she's draining you of your finite spirit, time, energy and headspace - which as a single, working, communiting, peri parent to an almost teenager you cant afford to give to her - pivot your focus to you and your DDs well-being.

This character is only going to get more needy, demanding and contrary - get out now and focus on yourself and your DD for the next critical years.

You are in FOG fear, obligation, guilt mindset - NEVER a good reason to do anything.

You owe her nothing - you were a good friend and I expect the balance of benefit has firmly been in her favour for many years now.

She sounds selfish, tedious and manipulative.

ginasevern · 22/05/2025 17:32

OP, it's all fairly simple. Your life has changed and you'ree in a very different place now. She's also in a very different place, stage of life etc to you. She doesn't want to understand and she never will. Cutting her out of your life is the only way to get her off your back. There's no need to agonise over this.

Planterns · 22/05/2025 17:23

It's weird and intrusive. Have you had any hints of oddness with her before? My dm gets obsessed with certain things, usually health related. She can be convinced you have something and won't let it lie. It also smacks a bit of her deflecting from you not wanting to spend as much time with her. As though she can't accept that, there must be another reason.

YellowPostIts · 22/05/2025 17:22

It’s manipulative behaviour. She’s trying to negate your refusals.

Stop saying “no I’m too tired” or “no I’m too busy”, just say, “no sorry I can’t”.

You don't need to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

It sounds like you have been kind and helpful to her in the past but friendships aren’t always for life.

In your shoes I would be polite but firm. I wouldn't give excuses, and I certainly wouldn’t feel the need to answer the phone if it wasn’t convenient.

She can be miffed if she likes. You need to take care of yourself and your daughter first.

Terrribletwos · 22/05/2025 17:17

Well do that! You will feel better for it!
Go fucking you!