Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

We didn't meet until my husband was in his late thirties and then infertility meant we didn't have our first until he was in his mid forties. Obviously it would have been better if he had been younger but what can you do?

My dad was an older dad. Yes, I lost him when I was relatively young, but the love he gave me has endured for more than 50 years and is still going strong. Wouldn't have swapped him for the world.

@TwoFeralKidsPlease don’t do it. By the time your new child is 6/7 and wanting to play football with Dad or for him to play in the park with him/her, your DH will be knackered. Take it from me, my parent was your DH’s age and yes, everyone is different but one thing we all are at 60, is bloody tired and besides a handful of habitual runners who keep running into their 90’s(!), the vast majority of 60yr olds can’t run around the park 3/4 times a week or scale a climbing wall with them because they want Dad to join in, bounce on a trampoline at the jump arena because again, they want dad to join in etc.
I’m an average age parent but have a joint issue meaning I can only do limited exercise and therefore my DC have had to miss out on mummy doing most of the above (often resulting in them not being able to take part themselves) and believe me, whilst yes there are ways around most of it, it still SUCKS being unable to do what your DC want you to do. Especially when they see their friends’ parents doing it all. It breaks my fucking heart, every single time. Even more so when a DC comes home from school crying because the kids have been making fun of them for it! I was made fun of for having one parent being old enough to be my grandparent. That stung and ruined school life.

But the OP said "I really hope so - I only live at 55". "I hope so" doesn't mean "yeah that's fine". And the "only" has no business there at all, suggesting if he lived further away it would make a difference. Therefore the joke simply doesn't make sense as presented.

My father was in his fifties,although not quite fifty seven, when he had me. It was amazing having older parents. They were happy to parent, not try to be my BFF. None of that 'gentle parenting' crap. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I was the child in a very similarly aged scenario so I’m qualified to say this - bloody selfish and disgusting. As predicted, the older parent died when I was young and left me distraught whilst living on my own in a little flat still. Not married with a supportive spouse like most people are when they lose a parent. I’ll never, ever forgive either of my parents for it. Never

Anecdotally my 15 yo has a mate with a dad who is not far off 70. Hes very fit and active so that’s not the issue. Generationally he’s miles away. Acceptable behaviours, the difference in teen experience vs his expectations. He has an older family in their 30s/40s and seems to be stuck expecting the same. He was ridiculously strict with her - no noise, no playing out in the garden no friends round. He’s actually not a bad bloke in many ways and clearly loves his daughter but he seems to resent her and the fact she still needs active parenting at his stage of life. They are at the stage now where it’s likely he will divorce his wife and leave. Of course it may not be age related. But I think, other friends and most importantly his wife things it’s a major part of it and his wife regrets pushing him into a kid when he was reticent.

It's too old. 2 generations away from your kids. You shouldn't be mistaken for a grandparent and no matter how fit the person is...age is age.

Being a pensioner and dad to a toddler are not a good mix.

It's too old for both but women generally do live longer, sometimes many years longer. My grandmothers both made it to 97 whereas my grandfather's died years earlier. Certainly not jealous, my only thought is for the child that will most likely have to lose a parent early and spend what should be the best years of their life looking after them and then grieving their loss.

My dad was 53 when I was born. He died when he was 70 and it was really hard to lose him when I was that young. However, I wouldn’t swap him, he was an excellent father. It definitely smarts when I read some of the comments on this thread like “gross” “dirty old man”. He was certainly none of the sort.
When he met my mum they just matched- she had an older than her age personality and he had a younger one- they met nicely in the middle. I was never bullied or mocked. The only time I ever found it an issue was when I felt some anxiety about his health in my teenage years.

It’s not an “ideal” situation, but what is? Most of us have got some kind of situation or problem that others would see as an issue when becoming a parent- too old, too young, not educated enough, not rich enough- the list is endless.

I think it’s a testament to my parents that I never even realised others would deem their age gap usual or weird until I was much older.

It's too old, I like older men but I'd never have a child with one-it's probably the last thing the bloke wants anyway. What 57 year old man wants to start over again with a newborn?! If you want kids that badly find a young man to have them with. Parents do what they want though, and the kid won't even be allowed to feel sad about not having a parent for long because society doesn't care about kids losing their parents young, even though it's a massive trauma.

Whilst it is indeed a bad joke… you’ve misunderstood it.

The joke is ‘is it ok to be a dad to a newborn at 57?’

The punchline is ‘yeah that’s fine.. as I live at 55’ (the pun being that 57 referred to where the dad lives not his age)

@ExercicenformedeZ Well, it depends how their old age turns out, doesn’t it.

One of my friends recently lost their Dad at 70 after a multi-year cancer battle; another’s Dad (72) has prostate cancer; my Dad (87) has developed multiple health problems in recent years and I think I’d have found them more difficult to be cope with in my late 20’s than in middle age.

Very sad about that mum who died at 39- sorry to hear that. Of course a person can die at any age but it’s statistically more likely the older you get!

So when there is some choice in the matter (ie if there were earlier relationships/opportunities to have a family), I think it’s unwise for someone to deliberately father a child in their late 50s.

Having said that, I recognise not all situations are the same, and in that vein, I hope you and your DH are successful if you decide to go ahead with your embryo.

It’s too old. My dad was 46 when I was born and 48 when my brother was born. He was too old very quickly. When my brother became 13 he was 60. It was worse for him. Also the amount of embarrassment that we used to suffer when people would assume he was our Grandad.
He passed away when I was 35, my brother 33. He only got to spend 6 years with my son.

He had older children from his first marriage and they got a lot more of his best years, as did their children. It was growing up with an older dad that made me decide I’d never have children after 30. Don’t get me wrong he was fantastic and I adored him, but in another life I wish he’d had us a lot younger.

Absolutely not. That age is too old for either IMO.
Women usually get judged more than men for having kids at an older age anyway btw.

Yes, perfectly, providing that you are in decent health. Your child would be grown by the time the father is in what could properly be called old age. He's 57, not 77 (which I think would be too old) I think a lot of people who object to men in their fifties having kids are jealous because most women can't have kids that old. I bet a lot of people judging older fathers are just fine with those rare mothers who have kids in their mid fifties.

I don’t think anyone’s said kids with older parents will be short and stupid? Just that they’re far likelier to have less energy to deal with a teenager, be worried about a young family as they come to retired, and most likely die when their child is still young. Obviously not in every case. It’s certainly nothing to do with genetics or intelligence..

I was 42, Dh 53, both totally shellshocked, but honestly DD has never suffered, Dh is a fab dad, DD is 22 now and she has never missed out on anything, in fact we've been able to give her more than if we were younger because we are financially better off

Gosh, what a lot of people, keen on judging others.

I had my ds at 45, his dad was 56.5 at the time.

DS is now a happy healthy thriving 6' young man with 10 good gcses, half way through three stem A'levels. He lives with me, sees his dad every week. He doesn't smoke, or do drugs or drink (his choice, I do offer him an occasional glass of wine or beer).

He's planning to read engineering, wants to be a civil engineer. He skis, swims, cycles and practices martial arts.

But obviously we've failed him.🙄

This is a ridiculous thread. As stupid as the breastfeeding at 6 years old really - I think it’s weird but other people think it’s natural. Each to their own and everyone has different experiences. It depends on the person’s personality and energy level and most importantly, desire to be a dad. Better to have an older dad who adores you that a 27 year old who’s still itching to spread his wild oats and isn’t fully present because they’re still wanting to party with their mates.

My dad was 57 when I was born and some of the replies here make me sad and angry. It seems a lot of people without any first hand experience have decided to condemn other people's life choices from a position of ignorance. I loved my dad deeply, he was a wonderful father and as a child it made no difference to me that he was in his sixties and mum was in her 30s. I got to know him as an adult and his life experience was so much more rich and interesting than the fathers of my friends (he served in WW2). Every situation is different (you can be a "young" 57 or a physically aged 57) but saying it is always a bad idea to have a child at that age is just small-minded.

My DF was 56 when I was born and I spent my whole childhood with people thinking he was my grandad. Which isn’t the end of the world, but obviously was an awkward conversation for a child.

I spent my teens and early 20s very aware of his age, knowing he would die before most of my friend’s parents. And he did, when I was 28.

Personally I wouldn’t do it to my own child, but each to their own.

I am still fit and healthy in my sixties, my youngest child is 21, my father died when I was in my thirties he was only 20 when I was born so no guarantees either way. I don’t think mid forties is that young many people lose their parents a lot younger

Depends on the situation. My family member and his wife struggled with infertility for literally decades. He was 58 and his wife 46 when their first child born, one year later they had another .
They are wonderful parents both of whom health and fitness wise would pass for significantly younger. They have the benefit of having a comfortable lifestyle and have the time, life experience, patience and income to provide very well for their two children.
Of course they would have loved to have a family earlier but it wasn't to be. We dont know what is around the corner of course health wise for any of us.
Age is against them of course but if we are saying it is selfish to have children at that age , then perhaps we could also say it's selfish to have children when you are unfit, over weight , a smoker , you name anything at all that shortens your life expectancy. I expect these parents to have a longer life expectancy than others who live a less healthy lifestyle .

For me personally I would have found it rough in my 40s having a newborne never mind 50s. However this is something yearned for for a long long time and I take my hat off to them to be honest. They have never been happier and the children are growing into well rounded human beings .