Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

There’s a couple of old dads in my immediate family tree, my great grandfather was born 160 years before me.

Well your Dad jokes are rubbish. How old is your partner?

Friends husband is 59 they have a 4 year old. We’re all in our 30s. He finds it upsetting that kids in the class mistake him for the grandad, he’s stressed and under pressure to retire (which he can’t), he feels guilty and often says how he isn’t the dad to this child that he was to his 31 year old (first marriage) and overall while he would never say he regrets his child, he loves them. I also think he realises that no, at 59 it’s just not ideal to bring children up. It takes much more of a toll in every sense than when he did it 30 years ago. He’s constantly worried he will miss milestones of this child’s life, he’s had a grandchild with his first child that’s older than his second. He’s had a few health scares in the last few years after always being “fit as a fiddle”. His own parents died early 60s and I think that thought is also causing concern now second child is here and 60 is round the corner. Sure he could live to 90, but that’s really not the norm is it. His wife is 38 and very scared of him getting ill, worried about the pressure, worried he’ll develop issues like his parents that require care whilst she still has a young child at home, scared they’d have to move house if he couldn’t work longer. They love each other, they love their child, but love doesn’t trump losing a parent before you finish school, or knowing you’ll likely never retire alongside your husband.

Ha no my husband is knackered. He does work in a school though which doesn't help.

It’s more common now I think. I wouldn’t be shocked if I saw older people with babies and it’s hard to know who are the parents now so it’s not a big deal.
But - I had a much older parent, so this was less common when I was young, and I spent most of my teens in absolute terror about him dying. I just was convinced I wouldn’t have him long. I know there more about my anxiety than his age but it really did worry me. He lived to 80 which is a good age but all I can see when someone tells me they are a 57 year old parent is how your child will have to deal with your loss at a young age. ( not that they will you could live to 100)

How much younger?

I have been there and honestly you’ll end up with two children. Except one is older and whinier and not as cute to look after.

My boyfriend is 59 and he’s fucking knackered!! I’m still (just) childbearing age and although it makes us both sad that we’ll never have a child together, even if I wanted more kids (I don’t) I couldn’t do it to him.

These threads always flush out those posters with immortal husbands - “Dh is 65 fit as a fiddle runs marathons and will clearly live to 120” 😀

@WaterBed come on! going round and round in circles here! how old are you if your dh or partner or neighbour is 57? do you want a baby and he doesnt or do you have a baby and he is struggling to cope. I have no idea what is really going on, do you?

Well no it doesn't guarantee he won't keel over tomorrow. I could die tomorrow. However he is pretty fit and very involved in the parenting. I hope the children will have nice memories if that did happen. At some point your parent will die. Your reaction seems a bit OTT. How young were you?

Your comment about our relationship is just plain rude. No need for it.

Yes but this man will probably die before the child finishes childhood, he’ll be 80 when the child is 14 which is about average life expectancy. Very selfish.

Absolutely amazingly weird post. Whatever, I feel sorry for you OP.

Think it means they were living at house number 55 but was shagging a women at house number 57

Lol what a rude comment. Having your parents at your wedding isn't the be all and end all. Having a loving parent through childhood is more important. He was approved to adopt and has done all the training and everyone in the family is very proud of him and his partner and we are thrilled they are all so happy.

What a selfish man. That poor little child is highly unlikely to have his/her Dad at their wedding. 💔

Yes tbh. Genuinely. My childhood was miserable, boring & lonely despite having an older sibling. It ruined my childhood. Overshadowed it completely.

@TwoFeralKidsInteresting that you have ‘daddy issues’ and have subsequently ended up with an older man….. I’m afraid to say that is ‘textbook’ in psychology circles.
However just because your own dad was rubbish and your DH is a “pretty fit man” doesn’t mean he won’t die when your DC is still at primary school (god forbid of course) or that his health/fitness won’t change. One of my parents could run miles and bend over like a paperclip up until about 62 after a life of health & fitness and then all of a sudden, everything changed. Age catches up with you when you least expect it and gambling with a child’s wellbeing is not a gamble I’d advise, it really isn’t.

My dad's just become a new dad again at 66. His sister died at just 30 but his father lived till 103 so who knows??

@MrsSunshine2b You certainly can’t predict how life will turn out, but it statistically, far more people die in their 70’s than in their 30’s. Same with serious health conditions, the likelihood of developing one starts increasing rapidly from your 50’s onwards. I wouldn’t personally have a child with someone in their late 50’s.

Currently supporting a friend of my adult child who is facing death of his mum (cancer) and dad is late 80s. Fit and well Dad, but statistics indicate that this young adult won't have either parent to support, guide, share significant moments with. It feels tragic as the parents obviously are not ready to leave their child but they are making arrangements for his inheritance and know that's realistic.

It's not for me, but I know a couple who did this and seem really happy and have a brilliant life.

I also have two friends in their early 30s who have recently lost their husbands, both in their late 30s.

You can't predict how life will turn out.

Oh, I don’t disagree with you. My DH just feels too young. He’s not ready, not prepared, and wants more time. He’d probably feel that way at any age I guess.

My husband is a pretty fit man for his age. Yeah he is tired but he does well for his age. Maybe more grey now though. He jokes how he is the dad that goes around with the toddler at softplay whilst the younger dads didn't. We aren't oblivious to the difficulties of being an older parent. His father was 40 when he was born. I would probably prefer less time with a decent older dad than my younger alcoholic "dad" who I haven't for years, might be dead for all I know.

Would you rather have not been born?