Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

What difference does that make?

Yes they do because as i already pointed out, sperm massively decreases in quality after 40, meaning more risk of miscarriage for the women and a far higher chance of disability for the baby - they are responsible for this and should take that seriously. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should - much like the woman who gave birth in her 70s.

To be fair I probably wouldn't start TTC my first with a man at 57. However men actually don't need to accept that as they can get women pregnant. Yes I am aware of the risks of miscarriage or autism but biologically they can.

We met when he was 37.

Look up the stats for the increased risk of issues in children with much older Fathers.

Most people would be wanted free from the tether of responsibility- but you do you.

My dad was 52 when I was born. He always did an amazing job despite aging health problems. He’s now in his 80s and only just gotten relatively sick. I’m married with kids now and everything tuned out just fine. Sometimes when he picked me up from school, teachers or children would say ‘your grandad is here!’. But it never bothered me.

It's not him who's pushing for it to be fair. For all we know the OP may have started the thread because he's saying he is too old.

It depends on the person I think, my dad is in his 60s and my kids are 7 and 9, he is a lovely grandad but really has limited energy for them, he's not particularly fit/well (nothing specific, aches and pains) so he has limited patience, can't keep up with active things. I think there's worst things than old, lots of unsuitable people have children but you have to know you're signing yourself and new baby up to a certain life, you probably won't be able to retire when you want, or do certain holidays, you're asking your child to lose their father earlier than most and potentially have to be responsible for care. It's probably not ideal, but if you're youthful, fit and know what you're signing up to, it's just taking all that it involves into account. Children are tiring! I wouldn't want to do it now I'm heading for 40, let alone 18 yrs time... Do you want to do it

Yes. Just like women who have to accept its too late when they're 57, so should men.

A teen or a primary age child in your 50 isn’t the samecthan a newborn though.

And not everyone is lucky to be as fit as you are.

Well you want a child from him so you are probably going to do it regardless. Therefore you should make sure you are married so you can inherit his pension.

Why not?

It’s certainly somethimg I thought about for myself. My own limit was 39yo and no baby after that.
A very good friend of mine had her dc much later, in her 40s. She is now a single parent of a 20 something, still at Uni. She is exhausted but doesn’t feel like she can either stop work or reduce her hours because dc isn’t independent yet. She’s had a few health issues on the way too. So basically she is finding it pretty hard.
Would she change things? Obviously not. Who would wish theur own child away now Theyre there? But she says herself she didn’t think it would be that hard.

If one of you is nearly 60 it’s probably best to accept that ship’s sailed.

It's weird the way men can't ever seem to find a willing woman to settle down with until the ones that are his age are no longer able. 🙄

So no, if it took him nearly 60 years to procreate, he shouldn't have a child that he can't physically look after or stay alive for.

Not all of us are lucky to find someone young and then have great fertility and get pregnant quick. Should we have had no children?

I think it's selfish, irresponsible and often entirely ego driven. Men's sperm radically decreases in quality after 40, meaning miscarriages for his partner and higher risk of disability for the baby. How would he continue to support a disabled child if he retires 10 years later?

Anyone who refers to "today's inclusive society" is mentally distancing themselves from the majority of adults (seeing them as having a baffling modern mindset), never mind a newborn!

I disagree. I'd rather have a 57 year old father that was financially secure than some useless n'er do well that was never around.

Mumsnet hates older parents and probably thinks I have one foot in the grave too. Everyone always thinks anything over 50 is arthritis and racism.

😊 very true!

And they go on about not being able to chase after toddlers or get down on the floor to play with them. That is literally my full time job as a nursery worker in my early 60s.

I also have a DD at uni. I didn't find it a challenge to parent a primary school child or a teenager in my 50s and - judging by the number of friends she brings home - she's not embarrassed by me.

I would say not as child where my dad was 52 when I was born and 59 when my younger brother was born. He was always mistaken as our grandad when we were children which used to upset him deeply but I'm not sure what he expected.

He is now 85 while we are 32 and 25, and he is in poor health. My mum was his main carer (she's 17 years younger) but has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I'm juggling 2 young kids and a job whilst my husband works away with caring for them both and it's absolutely exhausting.

I know anything can happen at any age but think of the children and how it could affect them. I love both my parents dearly of course, but the teasing from other children growing up was constant and now my children will never have any active grandparents growing up as my in laws are not around either unfortunately.

My grandmother had my aunt late in life. My mum spent her youth bringing her sister up. Her parents looked after themselves health-wise. The only wealth of experience they gained was not to have children so late in life. By the time my aunt was a teenager her parents were pensioners. Having a parent die is never easy but knowing that you will be depriving a child of a parent while that child is still young but still doing it anyway also knowing their sibling will be raising them cannot surely be in the best interests of the child.

No, way to old!

@WaterBed I wouldnt dream of having a baby if my husband was 57!!! it is not just the fitness which matters, this is an age when the whole body starts rattling down! no idea how much younger OP because she wont divulge that but I presume she is in her 40's and even that is crazy!! dad will be a positive geriatric and mum will be pushing retirement by the time their kid is 20!! if mum has not had a baby before she will get a real shock!! total change to life! also unlikely for both parents to even be alive when this child decides to have their own child!