Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

im stating facts. Men can reproduce till death. Women can’t. For a reason! Some men at 30 have crap sperm that’s no good and some 60 year olds would have better. Live and let live!!!!

I had DD when I was 35 and DH was 50. I have always been the high earner (City lawyer) and he has a big chunk of money from the property market, so no money concerns, and he is fit and active, so far better placed to be an active father than someone with a physical disability. We can also provide much better opportunities than someone scraping by on benefits and DD frankly has a happier life than children in that situation. I think our choices are significantly less selfish than those of people who have children they can't afford to support properly in financial or practical terms.

Do you have very young children living with you? I think the lack of sleep that comes with having a baby could make a huge difference to how you would age into your 60s or 70s.

Well, no. They don't produce good quality sperm into old age. The sperm quality declines from the age of around 35. So a 57 year old has had declining sperm quality for 22 years. That's really quite significant.

I would only consider it if you would be wealthy enough to afford a comfortable lifestyle if he retires, becomes unwell or dies before your (potential) child is 18. You also need to think about how you could manage financially and practically if you have a child with SEN or other disabilities, as the risks increase with age.

Better to have an old, good dad than a dad of age who’s not committed and a loser.

my kids dads are double my age. Ones 50 with newborn. Other is 60 with 7 year old. Great dads. Really happy. Kids are happy. People judge too much. Deffo not gross. Men can produce good sperm till they die for a reason. Women can’t reproduce when old for a reason.

enjoy your life xx

Increased paternal age does increase risk of ASD in children.

Also I have an older dad and was bullied for it. Also habe to worry from a young age about a parent dying or needing care.

I wouldn't subject my child to that.

'Being able to go running etc… is not a question if ‘mental attitude’. It’s pure luck and privilege.'

Partly true but I am about 4st heavier than at my racing weight and have had loads of injuries. The mental part is what stops you giving up. There are people my age still running good times so I'm not really setting a high bar to do a bit of jogging with my kid.
If you couldn't run most could still cycle or swim. It more about the willingness to do things. My old coach said a lot of athletes are actually lazy. They train hard then that's it for the day. That is definitely me but I just enjoy playing with my kids and make the effort. Taking them to school marking homework reading at night - some people at any age never bother

So on average you may be right but its down to the individual. So may people have less than ideal circumstances to bring up their kids age is just one of many factors

So by the time you're pregnant (which won't be instantaneous, no matter how much you want it), he'll be 58 or older?

I hope for your sake he's a millionaire.

I only know one, she was pushing 40 and desperate for a 'last' baby (had two adult children), him in his late 50's. They had that last baby and he is looking at having to work way past his capability (physical job) to pay, she has gone into full on menopause and has stopped working because it's playing havoc with her health. The poor child is mostly parented by his adult siblings.

I suspect she had IVF and is just keeping quiet about it which she has every right to do. If you do try to have a baby with your partner do be aware that you are more likely to take ages to concieve and miscarry. Just talking from experience!

Part luck but also ensuring you eat well, don't get fat and keep active.

Well that is us, disabled and chronically ill people, told then. We’re just 20% of the population afterall. But it’s all down to eating well and keeping active.
Luck is just a really small part if it. Not even worth mentioning.

Yep.
It’d be lovely if life was like this.
But news flash. It isn’t. It’s a nice dream that helps people not being too worried they might become ill/disabled just like that. No reason. Just bad luck.

I’d imagine most people would be fit, mobile and well at 60. Most 60 year olds are working! I’m 63 and go to the gym every other day. My DH is 74 and fit and well and still doing academic work - just had a book published.

Yes but nothing. You don't even know the age of the child I'm talking about, so not sure how you know how old my own father will be when they turn 14. Just a know nothing keyboard warrior, throwing around insults when I can almost guarantee he's a better parent than you are.

Upthread I did say my dad lived to a ripe old age and was incredibly energetic. But also I do remember growing up and thinking that time would always be short with him and dreaded that he may die soon. Wasted worries as it turned out.

@ukathleticscoach seeing that the health expectation is 60yo in the U.K., I’m going to say you are closer to the exception than the norm.

Of course, some people will still be fit agd mobile agd well at 60yo, and at 70yo. Hell Theres a woman still doing gymnastic competition in her 90s. But let’s not kid ourselves that it’s the norm and that all 60yo are well enough to run around a toddler all day long, everyday.
Being able to go running etc… is not a question if ‘mental attitude’. It’s pure luck and privilege.

Can being on HRT really mean you can get pregnant? You’d think egg donation would not be necessary if that was true.

A teen or a primary age child in your 50 isn’t the samecthan a newborn though.

I was replying to the poster's comments about MN perception of older parents generally.

And not everyone is lucky to be as fit as you are.

Part luck but also ensuring you eat well, don't get fat and keep active.

It’s also very likely she used egg donation.

'We had our child when I was 33 and my husband 45. Baby/toddler was fine. He’s 57 and now seems a right old fart to have a 12 year old. He’s tired, deaf and can’t be arsed with the things kids/teens are into. They have hardly any relationship as it is. A new baby at his age doesn’t bear thinking about!'

Too many generalisations.

I'm 60 and go running with my 10 year old and go swimming with him and DD 5. Plenty of people in their 20's are not fit enough to go running with a 10 year old

I'm not some super fit athlete, I am jogging now rather than sprinting round the track but its your mental attitude and willingness to play with the kids. I am the one dancing with the kids and playing with them. Of course my wife does other things with them we share it

Of course I had much more energy in my 20's and 30's through to 40's. But there is the other side. Back then I was training every day and would not have had the same amount of time for for my kids. Also I was going out most weekends to pubs and clubs. Now I just want to go out with my family

Perhaps it is because i never had kids before so everything was new. I felt like I had done everything I wanted to do with running, I did still coach 1 x per wk until 2nd child but having kids really gave me new enthusiasm. There were no places at cubs so I volunteered weekly so my DS could join.

Of course looking to the future I would rather be younger thinking if they get married etc to be there for them, but not everything in life is exactly how you would plan it

So on average it may be too old to have kids at that age but it depends on the individual. Back when I was 25 I could not have imagined and that's what is happening a lot on the comments here. People are making assumptions of how they will be later in life

Depends on the man and your life situation.
Worked brilliantly for us - a lot of financial security as he’s older and therefore had more years to pay down mortgage. He took early retirement to be a SAHD and children really benefitted from the time spent being available, chatting, no trying to fit the schoolrun in around work, easier access to out of school clubs. Life experience made a big difference. All the insecurities of younger parents haven’t really been an issue because experienced perspective.

Being at different career stages helps too. It would be a lot harder if we were both trying to career build whilst juggling parenting.

It’s not unusual, there’s other children in the same classes with similarly aged fathers and I’ve never heard anyone comment.

I meant women at 57 can't get pregnant at all and so have to accept it whereas men can get women pregnant at 57 even if it takes longer and results in a bigger risk of miscarriage etc. If it is right or not to start trying at that age is another matter. They don't have to accept it if you get what I mean?