Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

No we have no children. Sure you're right about the lack of sleep!

You know what, I think it's really selfish, man or woman, to have a child when you're that much older.

But when I said that when Victoria Coren had a baby at 51 the majority vote was that it was "none of my business" and that anyone could die at any time.

My personal ceiling is 45ish. Yes I think you're too old.

i think the joke is the numbers were taken to be house numbers not ages. Took me a while to work out

Your mum married her father's classmate? 😲

My dad was a few days off 60 when I was born. Obviously my mum was much younger. I'm not aware of any previous children either. He died when i was 6 so I don't remember much about it all. My grandad (maternal) found it odd because they were at school together.

I read the whole thread. Apart from the lame joke I had no problem understanding the question asked. Your first question is immaterial if one is planning to answer objectively.

There was no context for the question being posed:

Was the OP the 57 year old father asking for opinions - or the mother?

Was the "newborn" already born or was a pregnancy being planned?

What did the stuff about 55 mean?

Read the thread - I was not the only one who struggled to make sense of the OP's post.

I don't see why you have to know. If your opinion is objective, it wouldn't matter. I like posts with little personal info. People here like to take stances arbitrarily, often to have a dig at OP or a dig at men, so it's nice to see objective opinions. Of course this particular scenario invites quite a universal response no matter what, I think.

11 pages in, thank you for clarifying that this is a hypothetical baby and not a newborn - your original post did not make much sense.

Whilst he might feel fit and well at 57, by 58 he'll have a baby who's waking several times a night. Then at 59 a toddler with no off button. Then a pre-schooler at 60. Starting school life at 62. Starting secondary school at 69. Teenage years at gone 70. GCSEs at 74 and A levels at 76

Parenting is HARD at any age. Sadly none of us know what life holds in store for us. The child will be the kid with a dad old enough to be his grandad.

Becoming a father at that age is selfish I think. You KNOW the chances of remaining fit and well are low. Your chances of being alive much into their adulthood is tiny.

I have (actually had) that special bond with my grandparents though 😭 he sounds like a substitute grandpa for her.

And you just talk about what she does for him - gives him a new lease of life, keeps him feeling young. What about vice versa? Obviously there's a lot of love but this sounds sad to me. She sounds like she will have a lonely young adulthood. I was so so sad to see my grandparents ageing and dying in my 20s, I can't even imagine if it were my parents.

And I don't know how her childhood went but I imagine a lot of compromise on her end because no 70 year old is going to be able to do things a younger parent can.

I don't mean to rag on your grandpa's story - again I know there is a lot of love - but the bond between young and old you describe sounds like it should be for grandparents/grandchildren

I can't speak for all old people but for my own parents who are in their early 60s, the ageing was really disproportionate when they hit 60/early 60s. They seemed so normal and young and sprightly still in their 50s, then suddenly in the next half decade they seemed to age rapidly and noticeably. Still active physically and mentally, but they are now old people to me no doubt, you really see the toll age takes now.

Also I'm a young person (well... relatively... we all feel younger than we are I guess) and like everyone else, still struggling with adulthood, life, work, my family planning, etc. It's been really nice to have my parents to lean on or just to know they're there throughout my young adulthood. I wouldn't want to be an orphaned young adult (or even teenager), or to be saddled with taking care of my ageing parents early on, especially when everyone around me will have active and loving parents.

You want to have a baby with a near-sixty-year-old?

Why? You’ll both wind up caring for him before too long, however ‘lean and fresh faced’ you think he is now.

Nope, I haven't twisted anything, I asked you questions.

To that and all your other comments I'd say that you are giving individual examples and extrapolating that as if that would apply to everyone who had a child at 57 or 60, whereas of course it won't. In general, it's not beneficial for a child to have a parent who would normally be the age of a grandparent and who is likely to die or become infirm before the child has married or had children of their own. Surely you can see that.

My dad was 50 when I was born. I suspect I have ADHD and possibly autism. Dad died when I was 17. I have also read that daughters of older fathers have an increased risk of having children with autism.

I didn’t say any of that did I. You’ve twisted everything. Absolutely everything. Not good.

So you're basically saying fathers don't matter, that it's fine for a man to bring a child into the world in his 80s and it doesn't matter that he can't care or provide for it, or the impact on the child? Do men have no responsibility in your world?

Also, you are wrong anyway, as many men get ED as they got older and their sperm count falls, so no, most men can naturally impregnant a woman when they're elderly.

I ticked YANBU because you can do whatever you want really. However, I think you’d be nuts to even consider it. You should be on the wind down to retirement, not doing night feeds!

Also my grandad had a child at 60. She is now 25. He is 85. He’s doing great. She gave him a big lease of life. They’ve travelled the world together. They love each other so much and are so close. She is very proud of her old dad and she keeps him going and feeling young!
now someone say something to that ???????????

With IVF some women can they can, so by your logic, why not? Would you agree that they should be able to?

They dont HAVE to accept it, but that's why I think it's selfish, stupid and largely ego driven.

It’s a selfish decision to have a child at 30 to parents who can’t afford it. Have crap home lives etc etc. if the older dad is switched on. Healthy. Happy. Full of life experience got lots of money to leave why not???????? I prefer to have a great dad for a short time rather than a crap dad for a long time

Appalling idea. That's a grandpa's age, not a dad's. Unlikely to see the child marry or have their own children. There's no benefit whatsoever to a child having a parent that old, it's purely a selfish decision on the father's part.

Just because they can doesn’t mean they should