Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

Tell that to Mick Jagger and Robert De Niro

No. My dad was 58 when I was born. I’m now 35 and he’s been dead for years following suffering from Alzheimer’s and my mum (who is 30 years younger) caring for him. We never had anything in common and I think it was partly due to him being older and having grown up in a completely different world and obviously I then lost him quite young to Alzheimer’s.

My mum always says her top relationship tip is never to marry someone who is much older than you!

the ageing was really disproportionate when they hit 60/early 60s. They seemed so normal and young and sprightly still in their 50s

People in their 60s and beyond are still "normal" - you'll find that out for yourself one day.

So does HE actually want a baby?

Although it’s wonderful be become a parent at any age. Sperm ages like the body, there are long term increased risks for the children . I had a much older dad and have developed a fault in my DNA, Dads should be young

Is this aged father pulling his weight? I'd lay odds that the answer's no, or not much anyway, even if there's a monied background.

Take no notice. It’s a minority opinion.

They are old people to me! Still working, active in sports, fully independent, etc btw but definitely can no longer be considered middle-aged.

Hearing you call your people in their early 60’s “old people” has made my blood run cold 🥴 😵‍💫

In that case I’m still not getting it!

What was the original Bob Monkhouse joke?

Gross and selfish

Ah, I see. So ‘yes it’s fine for a man at 57 to have a child….because at 55, it’s not me”

It’s a dad joke I guess. Maybe I was being grumpy 🤣

Some of it's just luck.

My late husband was very sporty, ran the London Marathon, various road races, did weightlifting, took up karate in his 50s. Suddenly, aged 63, took ill at the dojo where he trained.

It turned out that he had heart trouble. A bit of research showed that it ran in his mother's side of the family. (The men on that side all died in their 60s - uncles, grandfather...) A year later, he had a stent put in. Everything was fine...got his black belt.

Then the signs of angina reappeared. His doctor said that it was his age. Short story: aged 71, he needed open heart surgery. There were complications. He survived, but he was never quite the same. Two years later, he had a stroke which left him with hemiparesis.

My stepdaughter's partner kept himself fit - cycled everywhere. Aged 69, he dropped dead of a heart attack.

My DIL's brother was fifty something when he had a heart attack during a seniors' cycle race. He was resuscitated three times. Survived for a few years with brain damage.

I've known so many people who made it to 60 or 65 and retirement and then suffered from an acute illness just a couple of years later. It's wonderful when people do have a healthy later life, but the years can catch you up.

I'm not dictating that people shouldn't do as they please - I've outlined my experience in a previous post - just suggesting that you should hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

I'm now 65. I'm trying to keep fit but have had various health difficulties caused by my caring duties and the family osteoarthritis has sneaked up on me.

I could be wrong, but I think the joke is:

”yes it’s fine for a man who lives at number 57 to have a child….because I live at number 55, so it’s not me” (as in, house numbers on a street, not ages).

But it still doesn’t quite work.

I could be wrong though

I’d imagine most people would be fit, mobile and well at 60. Most 60 year olds are working!

True. Except on MN where they all retire at 52 with gold plated pensions!

There was an older mum at school with a severely autistic son - would never live independently had one to one Dd was terrified of him. She said her older Dh had wanted a child she was reluctant but did for his sake. He bailed when the extent of the issues his had son emerged so she was left as the sole parent. Absolute nightmare.

I don't know I haven't worked out my Scale for Selfishness yet.

Do I think financial stability and a home is important when considering having a child? Yes of course.

Disability I'm not commenting on because it's impossible to quantify. Too many variables. I will say I think it's certainly less selfish to consider not having children if you know you are too unwell to be a good parent to them.

I don’t agree.

My dad was 42 when I was born so an older dad for the early 1970s. He had his youngest child at 60. His wife (my stepmum) was 37. Dad died aged 88 so my youngest sibling was 28.

Dad was very young for his age and kept very active. My youngest sibling was get siblings didn’t miss out having an older dad and were adults when died.

@RubyExpertpretty much. There were a couple of years between them. Grandads sister was my dads age.

I don't think you succeeded though 😅 You sounded like a man in your OP and from the responses on the first page addressing you as a man, it seems quite a few people responded more harshly than they otherwise would.

I personally think it is cruel to the child but people might have more measured opinions if they knew you were a woman. With our ageing society and much later birth years (obviously not 60 though), as well as considering factors like better financial stability and more time to spend with the child in the day, I would genuinely be interested in any discussion around this.

This is lovely to hear! I’m assuming (please correct me if I’m wrong) that your Grandad is relatively well off if he can afford to travel around the world with his daughter. Was he able to give the same time, attention and money to his other children? How do they feel about him having a much younger partner?

Pretty much identical to my experience which I detailed earlier.

We had financial security because DH was at the end of his career. He retired when the DCs were 3 and 1 and was / is very hands on. He has a terrific relationship with them and for 10 years or so was the SAHP.

I am 'mostly retired' in that my ill health has forced me out of full time work and I pick up bits and pieces here and there. I am 20 years younger but quite frail. In comparison the Dcs schedule with their dad this half term is - swimming tomorrow and Tuesday. and helping DS1 practice for his DoF E bronze award by alternating shorter and longer hikes every day. DH is fit- he goes to the gym 3 days a week, and although he no longer runs marathons (slowly!) for fun he does do a couple of half marathons each year. He also sails competitively. I am physically not able to do those sorts of things so 'my thing' with the Dcs is cinema, theatre etc.

Its very much a case by case basis. But as i said earlier- the reality of life is that people are not neatly packaged according to some sort of plan and their lives are not neatly packaged.

People have been scathing and sometimes nasty on this thread. But I am not going to apologise for my life and I am pretty thankful for my life. Thankfully happy, financially solvent and blessed with a lovely DH and 2 wonderful children. I never thought I'd be as lucky as this tbh!

But is that more or less selfish than having a baby when you're poor/ in insecure housing/ disabled?