Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

I know a couple, she’s 28 he’s 69, met when she was 18 and he was 59 🙄

They have two kids, 8 and 5, and she does as little as possible. Feels hard done by that she’s missing her youth, makes awful immature decisions. He’s miserable, recently retired and has spent the last 8 years doing the brunt of the childcare. They both drink heavily and have piled on the weight, slipped into depression and dysfunction. It was all fun and games when she was young, thinking she was some pinnacle of sexiness, luring the boss away from his wife and family in some exciting affair. The reality has hit them like a ton of bricks. Actually gives me the ick typing it out, whole situation is grotesque and the ones suffering most are their kids. So grim.

My DH is mid-fifties and we had a baby together a couple of years ago.

It was not planned and if you'd asked me my views before I learned I was pregnant, I would have not have been enthusiastic.

However we have made the best of it and my DD is wonderful and life-changing for us both. My DH has been an incredible dad.

I am very worried and sad thinking about how DD is almost certainly going to lose her dad far earlier than anyone would wish. I am almost pre-grieving for her. But at the same time he has added so much to her life already. If we lost him tomorrow she would not have even memories of him but he would still have impacted her early development positively, and she would always have me trying to keep his presence alive for her. My DH has also taught me things about parenting - particularly its fun side - that I might never have known if I'd been a single mum instead, or if I had had a child with someone else.

So no, I don't think it's an ideal situation, but do I think my DD and others like her would be better off never having been born, or never having had a loving dad in their lives at all? No.

So your husband was a decade younger than this man would be.

57 is way too old to have a baby.

Not a good plan. Your DC is potentially going to be faced with elder care at an age when they should be out and about making the most of their lives before settling down. Your DP will be 77 when your DC is 20.

Too late now.

Personally not for me at 29 it was so difficult this first year not recognising the symptoms of PND having to get up so night feeds, children require a lot of energy sure there are a lot and fit and active 50 something's out there but there's potential for things to go wrong.

Even now at 43 my son will be 15 in September,so there would be a big age difference so a big no from me

Poor woman, she must have died whilst pregnant.

@WearyAuldWumman

Thanks!!!!

Sheesh I am slow...

As a child of parents who had me at an older age, I wouldn’t. It’s really shit knowing they will die soon. I’m only in my 30s and I don’t want to say goodbye to them in the next few years. I know people can die at any age at any time, but it feels awful to know that my 30th could have been the last big birthday I spent with them. I think it’s pretty selfish to think it’s ok as long as I raise them until adulthood. People in their 20s and beyond really do still benefit from their parents guidance.

Okaaaaay, the oldest woman to conceive naturally was Dawn Brooke, who gave birth at the age of 59 in 1997.

So still entirely possible.

My Dad was in his 50s when I was born and died in my 20s and let me tell you...it's not a good idea for anyone!

@WaterBed No it’s pretty good!

My dad took care of himself at 57 with no health issues.

By 62 he had cancer which is common for many people in their 60s, at 65 he was diagnosed with COPD, by 68 he had a stroke. 4 very difficult years later connected to oxygen 24hrs a day for the final year at 72 he died.

If he had been a new dad at 57, that child would have been just 15 years old by the time it lost its dad after going through years of stress and trauma.

I found it bloody hard in my 40s and 50s. Dealing with that in their young years would screw up a child.

It is beyond selfish having a child at that age.

Well a lot of my friends are becoming grandparents at that age (and a bit younger) and they’re telling me how exhausting it is compared to when they had kids in their 20s/30s, and that’s only looking after the grandchild for a few hours. So I imagine it would be very hard work being a f/t parent at that age.

Depends if its your first baby. I do wonder what kind of motives you have only prioritise a family so late in life. Having your first at 45 not so much. 50? OK I can understand not found the right person. But nearing 60? Not so sure. Judgey yes but there you go.

Not being a first baby I have less thoughts.

It’s far too old IMO as the quality of sperm drops leading to potential problems with the baby. Eg - Higher risk of autism.

Doesn’t mean they can play on the floor, run around playing football, chase after them when they do runner, play in the pool on holiday… Run around in their older years with clubs and hobbies etc

Depends on the 57 year old to be honest. My dad is 70 and still runs about after my kids… more than he did with his own kids. It’s not even always about taking care of yourself, I’ve seen fit and healthy people drop dead at 40 yet my former alcoholic, chain smoker dad who thinks instant mash counts as one of your 5 a day is fine. Sometimes it’s just luck. We could all drop dead at any time. While I do think being a 57 year old dad would present some unique challenges and is maybe a little bit selfish, there’s much worse things. My main concern would be that he may require care in the not too distant future, and then you’d be dealing with that plus a child… a lot of work.

We had DD when XH was 54.
20 years on I can advise it was a miserable misogynistic disaster.
(Only just divorced as he did all he could to stop me) No relationship with DD whatsoever.

HUGE mistake.

Actually I think this is the, erm, child-friendly version 😁
The adult joke is that the man has impregnated the woman next door.

The delulu is strong when it comes to age for many. I’ve seen it many times on here. Posters convinced they look and seem 20 years younger than they are.

As a 57 year old woman, I think it’s madness to have a baby at this age. You’ll be almost 80 by the time they finish uni. You’ll be parenting a teenager at 70. You’re not old enough to be their grandparent, you’re old enough to be their great grandparent!

I don’t imagine he does much parenting somehow. And of course vast wealth helps.

I know a man who is late 60s with a three year old. Looks old too. He has a three year old. His grandchild is the same age as his daughter.

I do think its too old. I think about mid 40s is a good upper limit for both women and men regarding procreating.

This.

My stepdaughter finished up having to go to court in order for her child to inherit a percentage of the dad's pension.

As the child of older parents, yes it’s far too old.
my parents were 38 and 48, which today is not unusual but in the 1970’s was practically geriatric. They were both dead before I was 25. And that’s the reason I had my kids in my late 20’s. They had both been in perfect health until suddenly they weren’t…
make sure you have excellent life insurance OP - my parents did at least leave me relatively wealthy.