Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

DH was 57 when DS1 was born and 59 when DS2 was born. They are now 15 and 13. He has no other children and never thought he would have children.

It's been brilliant. DH retired when he was 60 and for 10 years was the primary SAHP. I worked (I am 20 years younger and also had no other children) and then I had to retire due to ill health. (I have a life limiting condition).

DH does the bulk of the hands on parenting now because I don't have the energy. I do the mental load largely. We have worked it out very well.

No-one has ever mistaken DH for a GP. However, the DCs are in private school and parents tend on average to be older.

Life isn't all set up nicely in neat little packages. I met DH at the age of 30 and we had our first when I was 37. I rather envy people who judge it tbh because it means their lives have been more seamless. And perhaps a little more boring. But for most of us, you have to grab the chances life presents you.

Yes it’s too old, I think of all the things we did with DC when we were younger, the ability to financially and emotionally support them through uni, driving
lessons, Cars, weddings, relationships, world wide travel, grandchildren etc etc No way would I have had the energy or probably money to do
all that 30 years late.

House numbers.

When I married my DH he had been diagnosed with diabetes T1 about 10-15 years previously. If "needing daily medication" was something that would put me off having DCs with a man, I'd be ruling out a lot of people I imagine.

Bad idea, it’s too old. My brother is 50 with a 3yr old (and DD’s in their 20’s and 30’s) and is exhausted. If i asked him if he regretted it, he would say he loves his son, but yes he does.

My husband is 58
the thought of him being a father to a newborn at his age is ridiculous ( to both myself and him)
he is exceptionally fit healthy and has a young attitude we go out to clubs still and roll in at 6am but he would absolutely struggle with the demands of a tiny newborn

he would be 71 when any child is in its teens

my Ex has a 5 years old and he’s 58
he also has a son who is 31

a tend to think and notice that a lot of the older fathers are those that have divorced the first wife due to an affair and the price of keeping the younger wife is a few kids

or they meet someone who is younger late 30s /40s and again the price of keeping her this a few kids
you do get the odd one who opportunity has passed him by when younger and then they have kids at a much later age but I’ve not met many like this

no thank you

At 18 the dad would be 75, that's far too old. My dad was running marathons in his 60's but dead by 75.

I think it depends on the man. The dirty old man who dumps every wife or partner when they get to their late thirties is very different from a man who has never been in a long term relationship and when the mother is in her forties.

Think Donald Trump as an example of the kind of dirty old man.

Youll have to hope your dh is going to outlived his life AND health expectancy.

Appreciate many ‘stars’ are becoming fathers at that age so it’s tempting to think it’s all good.
Health expectancy is 60yo in the U.K. for men. You’ll soon see when he needs meds on a daily basis. (If he hasn’t already)

I’m not sure I would want it for my situation but I am very good friends with a couple where the dad is about to turn 60 with a 7yo and 3yo and he’s a great dad, very active, fit, present, he does organised sports so is probably a lot fitter physically than a lot of parents.

I do wonder about the fact they will obviously lose their dad earlier than most, but is that enough reason to never be born and never have a lovely relationship with him for potentially 20+ years?

I know of two 60 year olds with six/seven year olds. And a man in his mid-80s with an eight year old! The wives are much younger, around 40.

I don't know them well so can't say what it's like but people do talk about them!

Im in my 50s now and am quite pleased my kids are almost grown up! FWIW when I was younger my parents were friends with 2 couples, both husbands were older and in their 50s when their children were born. Very sadly both wives died of cancer when the children were young. The older dads had to parent them alone. It was undoubtedly tough.

What??? 🤪

It’s selfish.

Either the mother will bear the brunt of the parenting (which women already tend to have to do anyways) or the kid will become a caretaker to his father far too soon.

Or (what happened to me) the older party dies and the mother becomes a single parent. Extreme, but more likely as the years go by.

Not everyone of 57 is tired, deaf or an old fart! I am 61 and none of those things.

My own Dad became a Grandfather age 57.

He is a very active involved Grandfather, but now my kids are nearly teens he does seem "old" and needs a rest after a day out.

So no, becoming a Father age 57 is bizarre to me.

In the kids

My exh dad had his second family at 63 and 65. Died at 67. 39 year age gap.

We had our child when I was 33 and my husband 45. Baby/toddler was fine. He’s 57 and now seems a right old fart to have a 12 year old. He’s tired, deaf and can’t be arsed with the things kids/teens are into. They have hardly any relationship as it is. A new baby at his age doesn’t bear thinking about!

My husband is 65. Never in a million years could he handle young kids 24/7. Seven years ago he could take on the world, now he needs an early night and his joints hurt.

I don't get the "you won't be able to play football with them" type of arguments. I think that is very disrespectful to disabled people who have children. You don't have to be able to run about and play football or do physical exercise with your child to be a great parent. You can always take him to football where he can run about with others if you want.

Friends of mine had their 2 kids when she was in her 40s and he well into his 50s. Everybody (them included) recognised this wasn't ideal, but they'd been TTC for many years by then and both pregnancies were the result of IVF. The kids were very much wanted, and they're great parents. I'm in awe of their ability to keep up with their kids.

God decides who gets together?

Not the individuals, but God?

'It's selfish to have a child when you will probably be dead/incapable of supporting your child long before they reach adulthood.
Yes, anything can happen, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. But that doesn't make it any less selfish to knowingly do that to a child.'

Well the mother would still be around as must be around 15+ years younger.
You have no idea of the person financial situation they could be leaving a fortune.

How many young guys are complete idiots and have kids. How many women have kids from several different fathers

It is a very judgemental attitude to have especially based on only one factor

Every week at least one person posts about the Dad naffing off and abandoning their children at a young age

I was in my 40s and DH in his 50s when our two were born (they are adopted but were very young babies when placed with us).
Now DS is 13 and DD is 10 and DH has retired and it is great. He's always there for them when they come home from school, they both love spending time with him, he's a very "fun" dad but not in a handless way - he organises lots of their activities, knows when everything is happening (especially things like DD once-a-month skateboarding club that I always lose track of). Despite DS having ADHD and DD possibly also, he's pretty good at "wrangling" them and has got more patient as he's got older, I'd say.

Mumsnet hates older parents and probably thinks I have one foot in the grave too. Everyone always thinks anything over 50 is arthritis and racism.