Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

Oh no, not the consequences of my own actions

No, they think that way because of YOUR actions. Until and unless you can admit your wrongdoing and culpability you have 0 chance of rebuilding the relationship because you refuse to admit what you did. This refusal means you can neither regret nor apologise. That should be your starting point but after all you've posted I despair of you ever realising that.

I am sorry to hear that. And I hope you are able to fix this.

Everything else aside, I wish you the best OP

Maybe change that to thanks to your arguments over CB and CMS? Take some responsibility.

I hope you rebuild the relationships with your children.

It is your lack of accountability that makes you a bad parent.

Maybe start by taking some accountability for your actions and not blaming their dad for this situation.

I hope you can rebuild the relationship one day. Good luck.

This user is right.

This is all your own doing. Dads just told them the truth.

Childs asked and dads answered. Much like women are told to tell the truth age appropriately and not cover for their ex’s.

His told them you wanted more money, despite him paying you £300 he didn’t legally have to and letting you claim both child benefit when again one should have been his. That you were not happy with that money and wanted more, so you decided to try and get given more.

Legal sided with him and you where not entitled to anything by the end as you did not even have 50/50 to get one child benefit and now you should actually be paying child maintenance but his not going to make you, you are also not paying voluntarily.

Teenage boys can and will quite easily see that as mums a gold digger. All based on facts no lies, no alienation because it’s the truth as easily proven with bank statements and paperwork and direct gov webpage.

You may be the antihero in this story but I'm rooting for you. You can fix this but you have to genuinely understand that what you did was morally wrong, not just legally wrong. Neither your children nor your ex will forgive you unless you're actually sorry.

Right now you're stuck in this defensive and destructive pattern of feeling like you're owed something and it's everyone else's fault. Instead of YOU alienated your children by trying to get money you weren't owed, you say HE alienated them against you. Instead of YOU failed to listen to the evidence based and rational information provided here, CMS led you wrong. You have to take accountability.

You took £300 a month, an amicable co-parenting relationship, and 2 lots of CB and threw it on the roulette table, choosing to trust the 1-2% of posters who said you could win more, rather than the vast majority who warned you not to, and now you have to have a long think about the thought patterns that got you there and disrupt them before the destroy your chance of any relationship with your kids.

You came here with an AIBU and got told yes, YWBU, you continued. Are you ready to finally consider that maybe, we were right?

YOOOOOOOOU alienated them.

Well, ain't karma a bitch.
Frankly, you got what you deserved. Hopefully your children enjoy living with their Dad and go on to live full and happy lives.
You, need to seek therapy. And pay CMS.

Why should we learn anything from this thread? You didnt.

Honestly you're in a situation entirely of your creation and you should really reflect on it.

I might be but I think you’re being far too fair! She was told REPEATEDLY what would happen. All she could see was pound signs.

You're being unfair.

She ended up in a situation where she was set to lose in court, but still provided updates. She knew the situation, but chose to come back and provide updates.

I'm sure she knows that things would have been better if she'd done nothing.

OP only kept coming back because she is so sure she is the true victim in this. It’s not bravery it’s complete blindness.

Yeah, I conduct public assistance appeal hearings in the United States. I had a hearing recently with a woman who brought a screenshot from, I think it was Google AI, that said that her income shouldn't count in the budget for the assistance she was receiving. Which is completely false. I would take anything AI with a grain of salt personally.

In all seriousness, I'd like to thank you for having the guts to keep coming back and providing updates.

I'm sorry things have worked out this way, but it's been a very interesting read. I knew nothing about the system until this thread.

"I've effectively been alienated "

Can you not see your own part in this, the alienation isn't something that has been done to you, it sounds like you have done it yourself.

Some people would rather be "right" than be happy.

My mistake lots of people
in her company are facing redundancy so she might have to claim.

I’m sureI read somewhere she was getting some UC. So she’s lost child bed it’s x 2 the £300 maintenance and two children elements on her UC as well as if she gets housing benefit she will now only get the LHA rate for a studio / 1 bed rather than the 2 bed she would of been entitled too.

But more fool her for being greedy.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/child-maintenance-decision-makers-guide

The Decision Makers' Guide for Child Maintenance gives all the decision making guidance to assessors.