Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

Also "he doesn't need it" doesn't really wash when the OP said very early on that she doesn't "need" more than the CB plus £300 a month she was getting. She just felt it was right that she should get more.

So maybe he just feels it's right he should get something now...

Why is it a dick move going after her for maintenance?

He said he wouldn't claim anything when they had the children 50/50, even though he could have claimed for one child, and even though the OP was trying to claim from him.

Despite having the children more than her he was allowing the OP to have both child benefit payments and he was paying £300 a month. At the time the OP claims he was a shit Dad he was paying her £1000 a month.

Why now that he has the children full time should the OP not contribute?

hit the nail on the head.

I have honestly never seen a poster like this. Just on and on never taking in a single thing said to them. Just sheer narcissism.

Having to be pursued by CMS to have a bare bones contribution wrestled from you is so shameful. Is that really the mother you want to be? Because that's the mother you are at the present time.

I hadn't read the original thread, but I've read all of this one with steadily increasing amazement, bewilderment and a dash of horror at how obstinate somebody can be in the face of overwhelming evidence that they are wrong. The one thing I will sort of side with the OP on is that her ex going after her for maintenance is a bit of a dick move...but even then, the OP spent months pursuing an obviously baseless claim against him for money he didn't owe, so she's not got much grounds for complaint if he decides to pursue her for money he is actually entitled to.

OP I appreciate that I may as well shout this into a bin for all the good it will do, but: if you decide to ignore the fact that - so far as the law is concerned - you do owe him maintenance, then the consequences are potentially a lot more serious than you ignoring the fact that your claim against him was baseless. The worst that could (and did) happen there was you being told 'no', and getting some stick on MN. The worst that could happen if you fail to pay child maintenance is, ultimately, prison. That's not likely, but please don't dig yourself any deeper into this horrible hole, and use the payment of whatever it is you are judged to owe as an olive branch.

OP maybe just close this now. This has gone the absolute worst way it could of done for you. And while I think you didnt need or deserve the money you pursued and accountability you refuse, I feel sorry for all 4 of you that this has caused a rift for you and your sons.

I hope you manage to resolve this with them in time

OP its your children who suffer if you don't pay, not him. He might not be struggling to pay the bills, but it's still money for them, that could be put into savings if he wanted. More importantly it shows that you're still willing to take responsibility for them. If they know you aren't contributing what message do you think that gives them?

I lost count of how many people warned you that you were playing with fire, but you were so sure you were right that you have alienated everyone, and tragically that includes your children.

Blimey OP you just can't stop digging your own grave can you.

You cannot be serious.

He's been more than generous to you and gave you an out many times throughout this.

He told you he wasn't claiming when you had the kids 50/50 circumstances have changed and he now has the 100% of the time.

Fuck around and find out

I cannot imagine not willingly, off my own back, providing child maintenance for my children if they lived with their other parent 100% of the time, especially if I didn't even see them. I'd want them to know despite that I was still willing to financially provide for them.

It's an absolute insult to anyone who have suffered abuse from an ex for you to say that.

It is not abuse to expect you to pay your way now he has the children full time.

Yet again it's all about you, poor you, and not a moment of self reflection.

Given the number of people (who've now been proved right multiple times) who warned you this may happen if things continued to get uglier you have been putting the money aside though, haven't you?

Op won’t learn. If somehow her boys reconnect in the future you can bet she will be a mil from hell. Like currently every bad thing is her ex’s fault. It will all be her dils fault.

and her dils and sons and the ex can all sit and share bat shittery stories over wine and good food and she can become the “oh that’s just granny don’t mind her 🙄” who gets at best duty visits never left alone with the grandbabies because “you know how she is 😬”

The hypocrisy though 😳

You wanted more than the several hundred he already gave you when you were 50/50 or as close as you could get (I know you disagree about doctors registration or minor admin responsibilities and such 🙄)

But now he has your children ALL OF THE TIME, you think he’s unreasonable for wanting a contribution??

I hope to god you’re a troll because the lack of self awareness is, frankly, terrifying

When they had 50/50 he didn't want any money. But circumstances changed. She was feeding them, clothing them, etc., 50% (actually slightly less) of the time. Now she's contributing 0% to their upkeep.

Asking for maintenance doesn't mean he's being vengeful. Maybe he just feels she should be contributing something rather than nothing.

Do you even need to ask?

Stop being a deadbeat mum and pay for your children.

Maybe his come to realise what we say on here to all mums. The money if for the children they are legally entitled to it regardless of if he needs it. Maybe he will put it into accounts for them.

Either way stop being what women hate about men.

You’ve done this to yourself and your children all the blame lay at your feet.

From memory, he said he didn’t want to take any money off you and was only opening the claim to protect himself when you shared custody 50/50. You have then played silly buggers for months, resulting in both your children spending more and more time with your ex until they’ve moved there full time. A COMPLETELY different situation from 50/50 care and you potentially giving him a token amount.

It doesn’t matter what he earns, you should still WANT to support your children. Why wouldn’t you? The more you push back against the situation as it stands, the more damage you will do to the relationship you have with your children.

Have you approached him, said how sorry you are and that you recognise now that you were wrong to do what you did, that you're not sure what came over you and once it all started it got a bit out of hand, and you would really like to work with him to come to a fair arrangement to contribute to your children's upbringing and to find a pathway back to having contact with them?

Or have you told him and the children that this is all his fault/ CMS's fault and he's abusive and cruel?

This isn’t abuse OP, far from it. You have to pay for your children, being a woman doesn’t make you exempt.

And what has caused your suffering OP?

@ProlongedAffair a bit of humble pie way back would have saved all this.
You've chosen your path in this. Along the way you've alienated him so much that all goodwill is long gone. And there was a lot at the start.
He's entitled to claim from you whether he needs it or not or whatever he's said in the past about not wanting the money. He's changed his stance because of all that's happened. Resent it as much as you like but that's how it is. Line drawn.