Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

Stop lying to yourself for starters if you truly want to rebuild your relationships with your children!!!!

YOU have caused all this. By your greed and self-entitlement.

Until you truly accept this your children may continue to ignore you.

YOU alienated you children, not him.

The whole situation is money driven OP. By YOU. Your greed. Your selfishness. You say you haven’t heard from your children - contact is up to YOU not them. They are children. You are allegedly the adult.
You alienated yourself.

And he was paying her hundreds even when he was not only involved, but was having them more than OP was. On top of letting her have both lots of child benefit, and providing the children with private medical and dental.

OP keeps banging on about being owed compensation as if she wasn’t already receiving it.

Bitterness about spending time with her own children when they were little! Not excusing their Dad if he really was uninvolved but he was paying £1k a month for all that time. I think most single mums would have your hand off if you offered them £12k a year and every other weekend off just to be with their kids. Plenty do without any of that and still manage to build careers.

I’ve just spent far too long reading this thread and have to say the absolute bitterness that oozes out of the op is off the scale! Bitterness is so destructive and yes I can see you feel hard done by but ultimately millions of women are doing the donkey work of raising kids with little or no acknowledgement of their efforts!

you have let bitterness and greed overtake everything and the ‘it’s not fair’ mentally win! In those early days when he was a weekend dad no it properly wasn’t fair but that’s life…

pick yourself up and do whatever you can to improve your situation and stop blaming everyone else. Don’t let the rest of your life be bitter too…

It’s really frustrating to see the few posters who seem to think the dad has done something wrong by claiming child maintenance now the children are with him full time. He might be a high earner but child maintenance is not means tested. The same posters are presumably those always shouting about deadbeat dads and never consider there are also deadbeat mums. This mum is certainly one if the main judgement is stubborn refusal to pay child maintenance when it is due. And it’s due here. The dad is not in the wrong. Having a vagina does not preclude you from contributing towards your children. It is not only men that can be shit and selfish.

OP sounds so much like my mother and this is not a good thing. She left my dad and us kids, refused to sign over the child benefit and tried to get spousal maintenance off my dad because she chose to leave her kids and husband for another man. She tells everyone that actually she ONLY left my father and fails to mention abandoning her kids too but honestly some women are so entitled.

It's irrelevant why she hasn't paid. CMS will work out monthly payments that include the arrears and she will be expected to pay them or they will move to collect and pay.

The family court will not be interested in 2 teenagers who have had enough of their mum. Telling them the truth is not alienation.

@HenryRain Please read the OP's previous threads - there is no alienation really but a long and financial "battle" with little focus from OP on her kids and LOTS of focus from OP on getting money. Kids eventually moved in w. dad - their choice.

YOU created that suffering. All your previous posts and threads clearly show that. You had SO much advice from everyone here, you ignored it, it went the way a lot of people predicted.

NONE of that "injustice" is towards your kids though - you seem to not be overly concerned with what is fair on them!

Where is your concern for your actual kids in all of this? You seem to fixate on the money (from him before he had the kids move to his, and now to him).
I know others ask the same and that you're immune to seeing your own fault in ALL of this mess though. I hope you get some clarity and help to navigate the loss of having your kids live w. you or see you.

Dragging two teenagers through the family court process, especially while she still has the attitude of everything being her exes fault, is unlikely to get the OP the relationship with her children back as the court will listen to their wishes.

So the 1st one was about whether she should claim. While historically he was a weekend dad he was now, and had been for a long time 50:50. He pays for their dental, medical and phones alongside having them half the time. In addition to this he allowed her to claim child benefit for them both and gave her £300pm. But OP discovered hed been promoted and was earning "loads" she asked for more and he said no.

Then there was the 1st one about his rival child benefit claim. So she took him to CMS, and based on info she provided. 50:50 but she does all the school admin/forms and he just sends her his share AND crucially she was the one receiving Child Benefit she would be seen as the main carer. So she claimed. He was raging and appealed and was rightly told CMS align to child benefit. If Child benefit deem her the claimant they accept that. So he put in a rival claim for child benefit for one of the children and they each got one child.

She was really angry that this would reduce her CMS and take away half her child benefit. Bear in mind multiple times he said they could both drop it, she wouldnt because she believes while its now 50:50 he only has all this money because he focused on his career when she had them through the week.

They fell out and the teenage boys are spending more time with dad. More than 50:50, one was at his almost all the time and the other doing 60%+ with dad so because CMS then said she wasnt entitled to more but there was still this back dated 50:50 bit from her CMS claim hes put in his own CMS claim for the current situation and theyre both now exclusively at his.

There were multiple points to have stopped this but she was adamant she was entitled to it, it was his fault, it was CMSs fault, our fault for even thinking she would take advice (she asked for) from Internet strangers.

And tbh i disagree about the ex going for the money being a dick move. He now has both boys full time and they deserve support of two parents, and he was giving OP £300 while he was 50:50, and paying medical dental phone contracts and other incidentally.

However for me the saddest thing is her children dont want to see her. And i think OP should close the thread and try and reach out to ExP to discuss how she can rebuild the relationship with her children because thats the part that matters most

PP picked up something really sad actually, these are quite narcissistic traits OP is showing.

And this one’s ex was giving her over £1000 a month until she got greedy.

There are times when I’m really glad my ex walked away never to be seen again. It made life poorer financially but so much richer being stress free.

Well no, it just proves the complete opposite actually. That it’s you who is the problem, not your ex. I can’t decide if you’re in denial or just plain stupid but this is exactly what you were warned repeatedly would happen when you got greedy and started wanting more money from him. In fact this is exactly word for word what you were told would happen. What’s the betting you’ll refuse to pay what you owe then be back here complaining money has been taken from your wages without your permission. In fact even when you are in court for non payment you’ll probably still be complaining that this somehow proves your are a victim. I can see from your replies that you’re completely tone deaf to anyone not agreeing with you even though they’ve all been proven right every step of the process so far. I’m actually starting to wonder if you might be on the spectrum or something because you seem to have no insight whatsoever into the consequences of your actions and seem unable to comprehend anything outside of your own narrative.

Op can you use the texts of him telling you he didn't want the cms money as why you didn't pay him?

Also, can you not apply to the family courts to have access to your children? You could also address the child alienation there.

He changed his mind, clearly. Perhaps he posted on here and was told that not claiming it would be denying his children of money their mother rightfully owed them. The maintenance isn’t for him, but for them.

Edited to add. As a PP pointed out, I believe he told her wouldn’t be seriously pursuing maintenance when it was still 50/50, but that he needed to open a claim in order to officially establish that they had 50/50 (thus the award to both would be nil). Something he wouldn’t have needed to do if OP hadn’t have done what she did. His previous statement no longer applies as the situation has changed.

Yes I should have taken that out, tbh the more I thought about it, the angrier I got about how she's made such a mess for everyone just through her sheer greed and ego. As you can see later on, I said she could have pulled back and stopped this but ignored all of your advice. Oh well she's sadly made her bed, so got plenty of time to regret it all now.

I feel sorry for the OP that they clearly had no one in real life that could give them good, honest advice.

Given the OP ignored several people who told her they worked for CMS and that she *really( needed to clarify things because she had wrong info, and the ignoring of the multiple olive branches by her ex as well as the ignoring of everyone except those that agreed with her I doubt she'd have listened if they had said something.

I feel sorry for the OP that they clearly had no one in real life that could give them good, honest advice. They blame the CMS, but it shouldn't have got that far in the first place, as the very rare these days, common sense idea should have prevailed. They are 50/50 at each house, I pay for food at my house, you pay for food at your house. Obviously slightly simplified but the fact on top of paying his half, he was voluntarily giving her extra, I can't imagine what went through her mind to call CMS in the first place (ETA the fact she wanted to claim more for doing more doctors stuff, sounds so ridiculous, i just can't put into words how much second hand embarrassment i got from that, you are a parent, you can't pimp your child out for 50p per word you put on a form. Sorry just makes me so angry).

Someone should have said you've got a good thing here don't rock the boat. So her blaming CMS is crazy, she called them, not the other way round. And after all the stress and worry, it is just her and her kids she's hurt, the dad that she was going after, is laughing all the way to the bank. Yet still, after starting all this, she could have stopped this and kept the voluntary payment months ago (enough of you tried to tell her!), but her ego was more important than her kids. How sad.