Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

We can understand and sympathise with this. Of course we can. But sympathy won’t get you the result you want.

Arguably, the CM he was paying and the fact you had both the CBs even with 50/50, was some kind of acknowledgment of that past mismatch - but you going for an increase is what has kicked this whole conflict off.

I very much doubt he's needed to do any manipulation at all.

Just this thread on it's own is indicative of some serious personality defects if not a full blown disorder. If we're frustrated with you just reading your posts, I can imagine after 10+ years of living with you they are more than done.

Look op, are you financially fucked when you lose this?

I think you do need to accept you are going to lose it. If actually what you need is financial advice, go on the money threads and get some sensible tips on raising your earnings/making some cost savings.

You just aren't going to be able to access your ex's money. You need to focus on your kids and stop wasting time on this.

Omg you can't make this up.

I don't understand why you feel so entitled to child benefit AND cms when you have 50/50.

Your ex's high wages are irrelevant - you are both financially responsible for providing for your children, and he is not required to provide a higher income lifestyle just because he earns more.

You've had years to improve your financial position. Stop trying to leech off him.

This doesn't affect me at all but you ladies and her ex are saints. Does she even care about the kids or just the money?

You need to start accepting that what happened last year, five years ago or ten years ago is irrelevant in terms of benefits and CMS.

They're only interested in what is happening now.

They don't work on any moral basis of "well she's done more previously". They work on the simple basis of where the child spends more time now. That's it.

Which you were told right at the beginning and still seem unable to accept.

That's why they look over 12 weeks or so, because some people do week on week off etc.

You currently claim for youngest so minimally youll get the award a couple of weeks from his submission date, because if 2 people are equally able to claim the current awardee gets it for the week the rival claim goes in.

Then it will be where does the child reside most. If its with him theres a high probability he will get it. It may be if its just DC2 hes got 58% it could be a swap you get DC1 and he gets DC2.

But if he has them more nights in the period, that carries more weight than any admin you do

Even if your ex is a bad person, that doesn’t make lying to the court ok. It doesn’t mean you have no responsibility to do the right thing. Your anger and resentment is clouding your judgment you are not listening to anyone and if this is the case you put across in court you are going to look very silly. You need proper legal advice.

You cant ask a court to make a current judgment about what’s happening now based on what happened 10 years ago

and yes I do know this situation well I got £40 a week for 2 kids and he barely had them and lived in a £500k house and ripped me right off. I still have my dignity and pride though as I didn’t lie or play games like he did. You are as bad as you say he is. Neither of you look or sound good

You were a full time parent and now you aren’t, I know that must be hard for you but this is not the way to get revenge on him it’s just going to ruin your own life. All of us telling you that you will not win aren’t on his side, you just have a really weak case. Don’t do it

You know, I agree partially. I imagine when they were little you didnt get enough from him in terms of physical presence and emotional load. And if 10 years ago he wasnt paying that wasnt right.

But 2 wrongs dont make a right.

Surely its better for your children hes become a present parent? Surely he should be 50:50.

He was paying you, as well as becoming a more present parent. You went after the money, if you hadnt he wouldnt touch the benefits.

And here you are, seeing less of your children and its everyone else's fault and none of this is about how going from having your kids most of the time to 50% to 40% is hard.. no its why cant he pay me for the hard work I did 10 years ago

https://www.gov.uk/hmrc-internal-manuals/child-benefit-technical-manual/cbtm08030

What if he gets DC2 to submit something saying they like it better at their dad's and stay more often

And if you acknowledge, they are at exPs house 58% why do you think he shouldnt have the money?

It’s really not unfair. Stop blaming the CMS. You chose to go to them in the first place because you were being greedy. You played a game and you’re losing, so now you’re trying to blame everything else instead of accepting responsibility for your own actions. You started all this, and now all of us that pay our taxes have to fund your petty argument that you do more parenting just because once upon a time you did the registration at the GP and dentist.

If your children are teenagers, you should be funding your own way in life, and paying a full 50% of what your kids cost out of what you earn. There are plenty of men that lie about having a crazy ex, but you prove that there are a few out there.

@ProlongedAffair ,

‘I don’t think any of you understand what it is like to look after children for over a decade, pretty much single handed, then they reach teenage years and your ex swoops in, starts doing 50/50, doesn’t want to pay CMS and starts claiming the benefits you’ve had for years. I’ve no idea whether he’s going to win this second claim but it’s very unfair.’

I think you are misunderstanding what this maintenance is. You are making it sound as if you want to be paid for looking after the children.

Maintenance is designed to compensate the parent who has the child more for the extra nights they have them. This is meant to go towards extra food, transport, heating etc etc for the children. What it isn’t is pay to look after your own children!

Assuming you had a ‘clean break’ settlement, that is where differential incomes are meant to be compensated for, so you both come out about equal assuming a 50/50 split of childcare.

That is how the court will look at it and you need to understand this and be realistic about it before you throw good money after bad and potentially damage your relationship with your teens.

I mean it’s been unfair for him!

The other way of viewing that you’ve done all the hard work and now he swoops in is that he is now finally doing his share.

You started this because you wanted more money despite being 50/50 you got greedy and now you’re loosing it all.

The children will be able to see that as well. They will be able to see proof that and know they stayed 50/50 which unless super high earner means no maintenance and even then he was paying you £300 when he didn’t have to.

They will be able to be shown you put in a claim to get money you were not entitled to.

They will see that you are doing this to their dad. Dad doesn’t even need to woo them just show facts. This isn’t even about the children for you anymore it’s about the cash otherwise you would have hand up you’ve been an idiot and be doing 50/50 as you were. But no you are fighting for something you’re clearly not entitled too.

It doesn’t matter if he cannot get the child benefit. If he has them for over 50% you can’t have it and if you do have them 50% it should be split one child for each parent.

Now you have your children only 42% of the time he will get awarded both children and you’ll pay him maintenance and he will get child benefit for both.

Was all of this worth it to try and get extra money you were not even entitled too.

If I recall correctly he was paying her child support or whatever you all call it there over what he would have been legally required to pay in the past. So it wasn't even unfair then.

But that's not your situation at all.

You were getting, fairly, a very large sum of maintenance when it wasn't 50/50. Then still, generously, getting a large sum when it was 50/50. You were in a very fortunate position getting £300 a month from him when you were 50/50.

Had you not been greedy when you heard about his payrise you'd still be in that fortunate position.

This isn't about him swooping in as he didn't want to pay. This is about you getting greedy, then doubling down when he wanted to sort it amicably and basically blowing up the relationship.

Why do you think he shouldn't claim the child benefit when the child is with him more?

But it isn't unfair is it, because it's BEEN unfair and now it won't be, it's just you won't be getting what you want.

Is this a joke?

I don’t think it would be very hard to ascertain who a child was with in this day and age. If your child were prepared to share mobile phone location data with the court, that would be pretty damning.

But even things like receipts, driving data (if your ex is giving them lifts etc) would be strong evidence.

More to the point, are you really prepared to perjure yourself in court?!

I think you both need to come to some kind of agreement. And you need to see where the law stands and make him a fair offer based on that, not your personal feelings about the wrongs and rights of the situation.

Riiiggggght