Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

But do you get that it’s not a ‘slight split’? If he has them 58% of the time, that’s 16% more than you - 5 days a month, over a year that would be 2 whole months which is not insignificant

You seem to be in the habit of blaming everyone but yourself. For months you’ve been ignoring everyone telling you to just stop punching yourself in the face, and now here you are having to live with the consequences of doing so.

He was paying maintenance during the time that you were primary carer, and in fact he was still voluntarily paying you maintenance when it switched to 50/50. You’ve already had more than what was owed to you.

The past is irrelevant, as is what you personally think to be fair. You haven’t been the primary carer for a while now, whether you choose to accept that or not. I’m also not sure why you’re so convinced that you did more admin, given that he was covering their private medical insurance and doing everything that came up during his time.

He’s got a very good chance of getting child benefit for DC2, and so on top of having to reimburse him for maintenance he overpaid, you’ll also have to pay maintenance. Start saving, I guess.

I’d suggest using this time to take a good look at your finances and figure out if you need to make any changes when you lose this child benefit and whatever maintenance he is still paying.

It is most likely that he will win here as he has both kids more than you do. He might not, you might get to keep the youngest, but just prepare for the worst. You need to make sure your financiers are in order so you can manage without it. Reduce any outgoings you can in preparation.

If you don’t actually need it and will be fine then it makes what you’ve done even more stupid. You’ve ruined a great co-parenting relationship and lost the contribution from a generous ex when you maybe didn’t even need to as you do earn quite well yourself.

With this OP, she will read your post and decide that it means she is 100% the main parent and doing more. You can’t talk in generalisations with this OP. She’ll cling onto it, and use it to make her situation even worse because she only listened to and replied to the posts she thought agreed with her.

No that’s why I said “if”.

But in theory a person can be.

She doesn’t do more than him. For some stuff, he actually does more. She has said this. Then continues banging on about how she does more… but she doesn’t. She is a fantasist.

I do think you can be primary carer without having DC for more of the literal time, if you’re doing everything for them and all their vast amounts of life admin etc

That said, I would try to make an amicable agreement if he wants to, because it’s a high stakes game taking everything to tribunals.

Edit - I said if because I don’t have time to read the entire thread and back story.

What has the past got to do with it?

When you were main carer, you got the money. You got the benefits and he overpaid child maintenance. Why do you think you’re entitled to that for eternity? You’re not.

You got it when you were the main carer. When care shifted to 50/50, you still were allowed to keep the benefits; he didn’t fight you for those. And he paid maintenance still. You were getting way more than you were entitled to because he was happy to keep helping. So you actually got extra; you weren’t entitled to any of that.

You screwed it up by being greedy and then ignoring every bit of advice you got.

Now he is claiming what he is entitled to. The past has nothing to do with it. You’ve had that money. No one is taking that money away from you; you’ve had it. All he is doing is taking away money that you are not entitled to. You are not the primary carer for either child, he has to fight to get it but he’ll get it and that is fair. You got the money for years when you were primary carer. That doesn’t entitle you to the money forever. You’re not primary carer, you tried to cheat the system to get more out of him and now you’re facing the consequences. He is taking the claims away from you because they’re not yours anymore and it is unfair if you keep getting them. The past has nothing to do with it.

The kids are older, they’ve seen their mum try to manipulate the system and cheat their dad. Sorry they don’t want to spent more time with you.

Which is why its right and fair that during those years you recieved both CB awards.

But now its changed and hes the main parent. And just as his financial situation improved while you were the main carer. Now he is you have the opportunity to improve your own career.

How is that not fair?

And during those years he paid you more child maintenance that CMS told him he was meant to…

The past is the past. Stop looking back.

It doesn’t matter if you gave them a bloody kidney they don’t owe you and he does owe you.

All that matters legally is the now.

Right now you are the non resident parent. That’s all. Fact.

History changes nothing in these cases. You can’t and won’t win because he now has both children more than you. It doesn’t matter that you carried and birthed them it doesn’t matter that for the first 5 years you did 100% then 50% and now less than 50%.

Each section in time counts as its own it doesn’t build up as a debt owed to you because he was once shit.

All they the courts the cms care about is right now, and right now he has one child 80% so you owe maintenance and he gets CB, he has the other child 58% so again you owe maintenance and he gets CB.

If you had them 80 and 58 percent you’d be shouting about it being owed to you just as you were at 50%.

Time to reflect and maybe have someone to actually talk to because this level of believing your right when your wrong isn’t healthy your loosing your children over it. That should matter more than the money ever did.

I’m not going to give you any advice OP because it’s pointless. I was just wondering, if you could go back in time to your first post on your last thread, knowing now that all the advice that you got from Mumsnetters turned out to be correct, would you still go after your ex for more money or would you take the advice and keep your mouth shut?

Absolutely shocking. If I were him you’d never see a penny from me.

As has been said many times though - none of that is relevant to the legal status of claims.

Benefits are based on who has the children more now. Not last year, or over the last ten years.

And you are still failing to recognise that you sparked this.

You were in a very good position where you had both CB claims and £300 a month from him when it was 50/50. You got greedy when you heard about his payrise and put in the CMS claim despite numerous people telling you it wouldn't work out well.

And now it seems like not only have you destroyed your co-parenting relationship, but you're allowing it to damage your relationship with your children.

CMS isn't a payment for sacrificing your career and doing childcare. You don't get paid to look after your own kids.

The money, and CB is supposed to be directly for the children's needs.

You are no longer the person bearing those costs.

It's clear from your posts that the money you got wasn't being spent on the children as if it was you'd just pass those costs to their current primary carer- which is their Dad.

People have told you many, many times - it doesn’t matter what has happened in the past, the current situation is that he has them both more frequently than you, which means he is the one entitled to the Child Benefit and maintenance payments (should he wish to go down this route) you could have previously had them 100 percent of the time, funding everything yourself with no support from him whatsoever, and the answer would still be the same - he is currently the resident/primary parent/main carer however you want to word it.

You really need to take a breath, let that all sink in, accept it, and try and make the best of it. You continuing to push this could result in you losing even more time with your children (which, surely, is more important than the finances) because they are more than old enough to see what it is that you are doing. Not once have you mentioned wanting more time with them, or that you are upset they are spending more time with their dad, just that you want the money…

My feeling from all this is that the focus is very much on the money & the illusional “primary carer” title, and not on the actual kids.
Mmind boggles, really.

Op I cannot believe you have soured the relationship when your kids are almost out the door. No doubt your kids will one day learn about this.
What’s more is that, he seems like a very reasonable person. He paid you well for a very long time. You collected the CB as well.

You also got very stuck on the word primary carer. If you sat down and thought about how easily that’s rectified you would have given your head a shake.

I can’t imagine what pushed you to this very bad decision. Was it that your kids are almost 18 soon and you panicked?

Absolutely crazy to have done this much damage to your Co-parenting relationship when your kids are already teenagers.

And absolutely staggering that you still don't seem to be grasping it.

When it was 50/50 you tried to claim you was the main career now it’s 58/42 your still trying to claim your the one who should get the credits.

How can both be right? His now doing over 50 for both children he is now the resident parent.

You made silly choices and lost a good co parent relationship over wanting more money. You’ve lost your children being 50% because you got greedy. Ones now 80% at his dads, you being a weekend parent because you wanted more money.

It’s not about fair it’s about legal. Legally your the visitor parent now based on time spent at each property.

I meant 8% above the 50/50, but yes, you’re right! I did double check my maths for it equalling 5 nights though

Its actually an extra 16%.