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Original poster

To not invite distant friends husband to our wedding

142 replies

TeaDrinker1234 · 22/05/2025 14:36

I refer to her as a distant friend; although we used to be close and I was bridesmaid at her wedding 10 years ago. That being said, I have only seen her once in the last 18 months at a friends birthday party.

The last time my FH saw her husband, my FH was asking him to leave their family home at the request of my friend; due to the discovery that a "one night stand" her husband had with a colleague of theirs, actually turned out to be a longer affair.

After sending out the invitations my friend messaged me to ask whether her husband was invited to our wedding and, because I'm a coward; and we have already pissed off family (mainly our parents) by having an adult only wedding due to being on a budget, I told my friend that her husband was on the reserves list so I'd be able to confirm after the RSVP date. I did wonder whether she asked because she wanted to know if they needed to sort childcare but she never replied to my message and hasn't RSVP'd yet. She has also complained to friends that her husband is on the reserves list, so I don't think it's childcare related that she asked. I can't quite fathom why her husband would want to watch us get married. It is quite clear that I do not like him, nor does he like me.

Incidentally, We have also invited colleagues without a plus one, despite socializing more with them, again due to being on a budget and they seem to have understood and accepted the invitation without issue.

So was I compete twat (and unreasonable) for not inviting her husband to our wedding?

OP posts:
Original poster
TeaDrinker1234 · 22/05/2025 15:27

WineThirty · 22/05/2025 15:20

i think it depends if she will know anyone else at the wedding and if any of the people she knows will be without plus 1.

If i was invited to a wedding where i didn't really know anyone well apart from the bride, i would not go without a plus 1 (DH).
If bride was, say, a school friend and there was going to be a group of other school friends there, i would generally be happy to go without DH essentially as part of that group. However, if they all had plus ones and i did not, i would have to think about the reason why DH was excluded. If i felt it was not legit, i probably would not go to show support for him unless he urged me to (which he probably would to be fair, and also i cant imagine anyone having a legit reason to exclude him).

Yes, she knows a lot of people going and a lot of our mutual friends are coming alone due to child care but I see where people are coming from in terms of married couples come as a two, type thing.

OP posts:
Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 22/05/2025 15:25

You are uninviting her because she asked about her dh?

married couples are invited together. Always.

Original poster
TeaDrinker1234 · 22/05/2025 15:25

Anewemail · 22/05/2025 15:16

So she is SO close to you she actually asks you )m(and your FH!!) to be present when she kicks out her husband

you then move away… what the next day?! That afternoon? And then see her once in 18 months?

oh I’m settling down for this one!

Edited
Show quote history

That's right, as I said in my OP we used to be very close. It came to light about the full extent of the affair when she was at mine. She asked FH to tell her husband to leave.

I moved away years after it happened and as such we became distant in the last 18 months. I don't see how this is so inconceivable to you.

Edited by MNHQ to prevent the OP being identified

OP posts:
CloudywMeatballs · 22/05/2025 15:20

TeaDrinker1234 · 22/05/2025 15:15

😁

Show quote history

Could you really just not write fiancé?

WineThirty · 22/05/2025 15:20

i think it depends if she will know anyone else at the wedding and if any of the people she knows will be without plus 1.

If i was invited to a wedding where i didn't really know anyone well apart from the bride, i would not go without a plus 1 (DH).
If bride was, say, a school friend and there was going to be a group of other school friends there, i would generally be happy to go without DH essentially as part of that group. However, if they all had plus ones and i did not, i would have to think about the reason why DH was excluded. If i felt it was not legit, i probably would not go to show support for him unless he urged me to (which he probably would to be fair, and also i cant imagine anyone having a legit reason to exclude him).

Anewemail · 22/05/2025 15:18

She asked you and your FH to be present whilst she confronted her husband and kicked him out

so presumably you were very close to her?

Original poster
TeaDrinker1234 · 22/05/2025 15:17

PullTheBricksDown · 22/05/2025 15:14

Future husband, I assumed

I also assumed the reserve list was a lie from the start..

Show quote history

Yes, I should have clarified in the original post . never made up such a stupid lie in the first place! Mad how stress can cause us to do strange things 😂

OP posts:
Anewemail · 22/05/2025 15:16

TeaDrinker1234 · 22/05/2025 15:08

I was very involved in supporting her, hence why she asked my FH to request he leaves the home and why her husband doesn't like me. He never left her, he moved to his parents briefly then moved back in and I never passed comment either way, in fact I was very careful not to speak negatively about him.

I moved away and have been having fertility treatment so haven't been able to make it to our hometown during this time because we never know too far in advance when we need to be at the clinic.

Show quote history

So she is SO close to you she actually asks you )m(and your FH!!) to be present when she kicks out her husband

you then move away… what the next day?! That afternoon? And then see her once in 18 months?

oh I’m settling down for this one!

arcticpandas · 22/05/2025 15:15

TeaDrinker1234 · 22/05/2025 15:09

It will be 😍

Stop projecting.

Show quote history

Ofcourse it will be, ignore the snarky comments. You are not being unreasonable for not inviting her husband and I think you know that (it's quite obvious). But you're unreasonable for making up a lie about reserves list which you now regret. Anyway, just stay firm on him not coming and have a marvellous wedding !

Original poster
TeaDrinker1234 · 22/05/2025 15:15

Fleamaker · 22/05/2025 15:14

FH future husband

😁

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 22/05/2025 15:14

FH is wedding speak for future husband.

PullTheBricksDown · 22/05/2025 15:14

Anewemail · 22/05/2025 15:13

Put us out of our misery OP

FH????

Future husband, I assumed

I also assumed the reserve list was a lie from the start..

Fleamaker · 22/05/2025 15:14

FH future husband

Anewemail · 22/05/2025 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PullTheBricksDown · 22/05/2025 15:13

'Sorry friend, turns out we can't fit your husband in at the wedding because we don't want to It will be lovely to see you. Don't worry if you can't make it though'

Anewemail · 22/05/2025 15:13

Put us out of our misery OP

FH????

SheridansPortSalut · 22/05/2025 15:13

"I told my friend that her husband was on the reserves list so I'd be able to confirm after the RSVP date"

That's an awful thing to say. Either he is invited or he isn't. I really can't believe that you are oblivious to how rude that is.

Yanbu for not inviting him but yabvu for giving that response.

CloudywMeatballs · 22/05/2025 15:12

What is an FH?????? I've never seen this expression and I can't figure out the story without understanding it.

Nevertheless, in my opinion, you can't invite someone to your wedding without inviting their spouse. I think with boyfriends and girlfriends there's some room to maneuver, but spouses come as a set.

Ponderingwindow · 22/05/2025 15:11

I can’t believe you invited your friend without her husband. Then you further insulted her by saying he was on the “reserves” list.

They are married. It might not be a perfect marriage, but that is her decision. As long as she chooses to stay, you should have either invited them as a couple or simply not sent an invitation. Of course she is talking about it with her friends. She is hurt and needs support.

Original poster
TeaDrinker1234 · 22/05/2025 15:09

Anewemail · 22/05/2025 15:06

Aren't you a little bundle of joy and happiness today!

your wedding sounds like it’s going to be very joyous and happy!

oh to be a fly on the wall 😂

It will be 😍

Stop projecting.

OP posts:
Original poster
TeaDrinker1234 · 22/05/2025 15:09

Anewemail · 22/05/2025 15:04

The last time my FH saw her husband, my FH was asking him to leave their family home at the request of my friend; due to the discovery that a "one night stand" her husband had with a colleague of theirs, actually turned out to be a longer affair.

so you were actually present when she was confronting him about the affair and kicking him out?

Yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
TeaDrinker1234 · 22/05/2025 15:08

Anewemail · 22/05/2025 15:03

You have seen her once in 18 months?

so after her husband left her, I’m guessing you weren’t very involved in supporting her?

I was very involved in supporting her, hence why she asked my FH to request he leaves the home and why her husband doesn't like me. He never left her, he moved to his parents briefly then moved back in and I never passed comment either way, in fact I was very careful not to speak negatively about him.

I moved away and have been having fertility treatment so haven't been able to make it to our hometown during this time because we never know too far in advance when we need to be at the clinic.

OP posts:
Anewemail · 22/05/2025 15:06

Aren't you a little bundle of joy and happiness today!

your wedding sounds like it’s going to be very joyous and happy!

oh to be a fly on the wall 😂

Anewemail · 22/05/2025 15:05

Who is FH?

Anewemail · 22/05/2025 15:04

The last time my FH saw her husband, my FH was asking him to leave their family home at the request of my friend; due to the discovery that a "one night stand" her husband had with a colleague of theirs, actually turned out to be a longer affair.

so you were actually present when she was confronting him about the affair and kicking him out?

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