To not invite distant friends husband to our wedding

@TeaDrinker1234 Ignore the posters who sound over formal and old! Modern weddings definitely have reserve lists and of course it’s not grabby. It’s pragmatic. The other thing that some posters might not know is that if guests have to spend loads getting to a wedding and staying overnight (or longer) you might not get a wedding present. You get their company. The couple often say no presents in these circumstances too. DD has been to weddings with formal pre dinners, the wedding, and evening do then a farewell bash the next day! These people don’t need a toaster.

I'm probably alone in finding weddings boring (since I rarely get invites that's ok!) so I'd not really want to go without DH.

At the last wedding I went to I didn't know anyone else and the rest of the guests were either drunk or unfriendly!

There is no list. She was under family stress and didn't want to have that conversation on the day so deferred it.

The issue is that the man was actively someone they didn't want at the wedding due to his behaviour and lack of contact since.

OP, this friendship is over.
I wouldn't dream of having someone I didn't like at my wedding.
She's bitching about you, so best she isn't there either.

In your place I would text her that "he isn't invited and I totally understand if you can no longer make it."
No further discussion.

Hopefully she will take the hint.
Forget about it and have a lovely day.

I agree, either invite them both or neither of them. Asking one half of a couple to a wedding is not on.

She's a friend, albeit not as close as you once were. She has forgiven her husband, that's nothing to do with you. Of course you should invite him.
Maybe colleagues you would invite as a group with no partners, but a married friend? You're being ridiculous. You're giving yourself unnecessary strife, planning your wedding is stressful but there should be some joy in it. If I was your friend, I wouldn't attend.

Just message and explain why you didn’t invite him (numbers, cost and the previous history) . She’s already pissed off so this can’t make it worse, but at least you’ll have been honest. She may even understand why. If not then you’ll know if she’s coming or not.

I think you've been unreasonable with the 'reserve list' business - that's really messing them about. Either invite or don't invite.

Oh my sweet summer child.

I wanted my guests to enjoy themselves so I invited partners or gave them a plus 1. I had a child-free wedding too. You can't please everyone. You have to decide what your priorities are. Mine were good food, lots of booze and for everyone to have a good time. I also invited them to the whole thing, but gave them the option to leave after the ceremony, canapes and drinks as some people had kids or were driving a long distance. Design the day around what works.

It’s kind of rude not to invite someone’s husband the only exception is a friendship group or group of work colleagues where you don’t really know the partners as the group socialises without partners.

In this instance she will presumably either be alone and not really know anyone or with other mutual friends who will all have their partners there.

But if you really don’t like him stand your ground and she can choose to come or not. It may be the end of the friendship though.

On the reserve list?? Cringe. Is that the new grabby poem in wedding etiquette. Not surprised she hasn't replied to your rude entitled thoughtless message.

I think you should have invited her with a plus one and left it to her to decide whether to bring her husband due because you’re not up to date on the current status of their marriage.

Are you going to check everyone hasn’t had an affair as they arrive at the venue? She doesn’t sound like a close friend anymore. ‘ Reserve list’ was awful worse than just saying there’s lots of couples I’ve only invited one half of.

I too think you're unreasonable for inviting one half of a married couple. You say you've never liked her husband, but you managed to put that aside to be her bridesmaid and watch her marry him. You say the affair happened years ago. She's obviously moved on and not quit on her marriage, so it's not really up to you to be judge and jury here. If you don't want him there that badly then don't invite either of them.

I also don't get the bit about not inviting nieces and nephews because you're on such a tight budget, yet you've invited work colleagues. Maybe it's just me, but I'd put loved ones before someone I work with. I feel sad for a lot of todays young people that the first weddings they'll attend will be as adults because no-one wanted them there - at a family event - as children.

I've some sympathy in that for most people getting married it's the first time you've planned a large formal event and there is a lot to potentially get wrong. I hope everything else is more straightforward. Remember guests just want to be treated well, they won't care about things like how many flowers there are.