DH won’t stay with me in hospital

You say you have child care arranged?
Can you leave the child care to your husband and get someone else to stay in hospital with you? If my dd or dil were in that situation I would be there like a shot.

It’s not about pain!🙄

The experience I had post section was anything but magical, it was horrific due to the lack of care. The pain wasn’t even on my radar.

Childbirth and parenting are exhausting. That starts at the hospital. Why should he have a relaxing full night of sleep at your expense? Will you also be doing all the night wakings, and giving him all the weekend lie ins as this is where this prioritisation of men and their sleep ends. Tell him his job is to help you. I’m sure he’ll get some sleep at the hospital. You can both be tired the next day. But you’ll both be in it together.

And the hysterectomy?

This is peak Mumsnet. "I was fine after I'd had surgery so you will be to". Good grief. The OP wants her husband there so he should be there for her - other people's experiences are not relevent.

So ignoring what is widely reported- they don’t come because they are snowed under!

I agree. I've look up hysterectomies post-partum and they are really rare and only carried out in serious circumstances. There are quite high risks of complications and the patient will be cared for in the Delivery Suite as a high-risk patient, or in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU).

The information from one hospital about post-partum hysterectomies says:

You may not be able to care for your baby initially due to feeling drowsy or unwell. If you are cared for on the Delivery Suite following surgery, your birth partner or a family member/friend can stay to look after the baby where possible.

Therefore, this is much a much more complicated and serious operation than a normal caesarian section and the post-recovery requirements are different.

Loads of woman have coped overnight in hospitals through covid, me included. If OP needs help she can call for help.

with an ELC he won’t have lost 1+ nights sleep to supporting you in Labour like a lot of spontaneous labour dads will have done. The recovery from hysterectomy could be worse that c section I imagine. I don’t see why he can’t give up one night dozing in a chair to help his wife who has had major surgery and now has a newborn to care for. You might even be whacked out on pain relief or attached to syringe drivers etc. I’d feel cross and let down too.

I never understand responses like this. He should be rested? He can rest the night before and all the bloody nights before that!

OP I’d be furious with DH if he said this to me. I had an awful night after my C section. It would have been so much easier if he’d been there to support but it wasn’t an option for me.
Tell him to stop being such a knob and to step up.

My husband was not allowed to stay and was absolutely devastated to leave us. So was I, plus, the nurses were incredibly slow when I rang the buzzer. It was scary that I was so alone in the hospital when I needed help and no one came.
If he could have stayed and chosen not to, I really would not see him in the same light.

Some people can’t factor in that the op will have a newborn to look after and have had major surgery. A hysterectomy and a newborn. The op needs all support from her dh. Yes he will be tired but that’s looking after a newborn.

Is he usually a selfish, uncaring arse?

Course he should stay. You need him and you have childcare at home

i don’t get why he wouldn’t after you having 2 major ops

what a totally selfish arse

sure he can cope with one bad night on a chair - tho many turn into a recliner so he will get some sleep

Honestly screw anyone saying this man’s SLEEP is more important than helping his wife who has had major nominal surgery and will be in charge of (and trying to feed and change) a newborn!! My DH stayed with me after my section with DC2 and it was genuinely really special sharing that first night together and having his help. If really pressed I could have done it alone but why intentionally put myself through that? I don’t care what anyone says, his sleep is not as important as supporting you.

Absolutely same as me! I had two sections both coming out of the covid era so now DH allowed past 8pm.. it was magical. Yes I hurt a lot but it was the last time my son would ever just be mine before he officially entered the big world.
Op a section is hard but it's doable, I was happy DH returned bright eyed at 7am with a new bag of supplies ready to take the lead.

Do you have any idea what it’s like on maternity wards these days? Have you recovered from a c/s and a hysterectomy at the same time and had a newborn to care for at the same time?

Which is why I would want my husband sleeping at night so he can safely come and help me during to the day

She’s having 2x major surgery with a newborn to care for and will in all likelihood be left to it. She will need the help. It’s a once in a lifetime situation. I think the 2 x no sleep isn’t really that important in the scheme of things.🙄

Depends what hospital you’re at. The chairs don’t unfold at the one I work and had my kids in.

Aside from your summary not describing many husbands it’s well documented that maternity services are awful now. Ignore away the many posts that illustrate what it’s like for women up and down the country however you are just showing your ignorance.

When things have improved women won’t need their partners on maternity wards until then they very much do. Paeds is the same.

I just dont get the 'well I wont get any sleep but you also need to have no sleep and probably then you can drive home unsafely on no sleep'

Hardly. There aren't enough staff to help during the day time, never mind at night.

Plus OP is also having a hysterectomy so may need more care and help immediately after the operation. Normally, women who have had a hysterectomy can rest and take it easy. If OP is left on her own with the baby overnight, this won't be possible.

Can't say I blame him just look at all the posts on here from women moaning that a man's on the ward! I wouldn't want to stay either 🙁 let alone trying to sleep on a hard chair

I understand your concerns OP, but the reality is this.
I’d let him go home, get some good rest and give a the house a good clean and tidy ready for you getting home x