DH won’t stay with me in hospital

YANBU. My husband would do whatever made me feels comfortable and I think yours should be doing the same, practical or not.

How do you think people cope when their husbands/parents aren’t allowed to stay, which is in the vast majority of cases (certainly here, anyway). You’ll be grand.

of course, but what happens when you both return home. Both exhausted, both probably snarling at each other.

I don't know if you've ever stayed on a hospital ward before, but I would not rely on the nurses helping you.

I don't even know you and I'd stay overnight with you to help you!

I arranged the cot my baby was in so it was sideways to the bed, with the bottom part of it sitting across the bed to make getting her out and back in easier.

I did find moving ok once the catheter was removed but it’s undeniably sore and very ginger movements.

I think the fact you’re also having a hysterectomy makes a huge difference here. Of course you’re going to need help with your newborn baby in hospital, how does he think it’s fine for you to struggle?

With extreme difficulty.

I had to with DS because he’d weed everywhere and no one came when I buzzed I pulled him onto my chest, I was quite propped up which helped, and just did my best. The cannula was a massive pain in the arse as my hand didn’t bend properly.

Later in the early hours I tried again and he weed straight into the air covering me and the clean clothes so I had to buzz and just wait till someone came as I couldn’t reach my bag and was just stuck.

I think he is unreasonable. If you have childcare for other kids, use it the next day instead so you can both take turns to get some sleep at home.

I get why you feel like that. You’re feeling vulnerable and he’d make you feel safe.- Hope all goes ok. X

They have childcare arrangements so he’s available to help her. As he should.

I’ve had 3 sections. Stating over wasn’t a thing (thank god - would have hated random men there all the time) - but tbh the other kids needed him at home. It was fine.

These days the NHS is so understaffed, that there is a high chance of patients not getting their basic needs met. For that reason alone I would take up the opportunity of having my partner with me.

I’d be cross too. I also had a c section and at night specially took forever for anyone to show up whenever I buzzed (I couldn’t change baby alone, grab to feed etc). He should stay at night with you.

Did you have a hysterectomy at the same time? Because OP is.

if you're having a planned caesarean-hysterectomy there will be extra nursing support - it's not a terribly common operation to do and they should be planning that you'll need more help. If he doesn't want to be there I wouldn't try and make him.

I’d certainly be upset. My husband stayed with me as much as he was able to following my c-section. He was such a huge help to me practically and emotionally. As amazing and lovely as the staff were, they were always do busy. I do hope your husband changes his mind!

17 years ago and I can still remember it well. Night 1 - staff had to help as I was catheterised and told not to get out of bed. But night 2 I had to get on with it. I remember wishing I’d gone home as DH would have helped. It was very hard. If DH had been allowed to stay I would have insisted on it.

One of my favourite of all parenting moments was alone with my first born in the hospital. Just us. All I had to do was change his nappy and breast feed him. I’d also had a C-section. I’m a bit jealous of you!

So you would rather have 2 parents who are exhausted one from major surgery and the other from zero sleep in an upright chair, then looking after multiple young children? No. Much better that one gets some rest.

I’ve had 3 csections and my husband didn’t stay overnight for any of them, why on earth would he?

Is he always selfish, and lets you down?

YANBU.

I wouldn’t have coped without my husband there in hospital when I had my c section. I couldn’t stand - trying to do my first nappy change I got light headed and nearly fainted as my iron was low from blood loss. My husband did all the nappy changes and passed baby to me in the night. I did the buzzer once cuz baby cried and my husband wouldn’t wake and it took ages for them to come.

Quite honestly if you want your husband there then you should. I think you need a serious chat with him about it.

Why doesn’t he want to stay?

I had an elective c section 8 weeks ago, birth partners weren’t allowed to stay overnight and they’re strict with visiting hours at the hospital. I was actually the only patient on the ward, after being moved out of recovery.

You are checked on regularly throughout. Key for me was adjusting the bed (with the buttons) to get all the angles right. So it was fine, being on my own with the baby. I did buzz at one point to ask for some pain relief but I’d had the catheter removed, got myself dressed and made the trip to the toilet a few times by then.

I can fully understand why you’re upset though, I managed because it was necessary but it seems to not be necessary for you to do so alone.

No way would I wanted my husband in hospital with me he needed to be home in bed there is nothing he could have done for me in hospital