DH won’t stay with me in hospital

All csections - first time it would have been nice if DH could have stayed the night as all new etc but really it would have meant both uncomfortable and tired. Next csections I was sending him home earlier and really wouldn't have wanted him staying overnight, simply no need. I didn't have any issues with lack of help from nurses, they always came and helped when needed etc.

Because the mother's body has been through complete hell for his child so the least he can do is lend a bloody hand in the hospital. In an ideal world the nurses would be available but with both of my births there were other emergencies on the ward that (rightfully) required all hands on deck thus no extra help from the nurses.

DH stayed overnight with my first elcs but went home with my second as he had to look after dc1. Tbh I was happier for him to do that as I felt dc1 needed a parent with them, it was a big change for them to have a new sibling. I managed fine looking after the baby overnight and breastfeeding was no problem. It was a bit of a faff when I still had a catheter in but you work with it. Both times the hospital was keen to get me up and moving soon after the op as it helps recovery. I didn't use the buzzer at all - I preferred to deal with things on my own.

I had two csections within a year, and a great trick for me was having a belt tied up in a loop to the foot of hospital bed… I then used the mechanical hosp bed to sit up as much as possible, and then pulled on the belt to sit me further up.
you’ll manage it because your baby needs you to

Great to be creative if it's necessary. However in this case the Op downer need to be doing stuff like that after her major surgery because her husband can be there to help../

No chance should a woman post hysterectomy and c-section be rigging belts and the likes when he can be there helping her.

The op is having a hysterectomy as well. It’s going to be tough looking after a baby. You risk complications if you don’t follow the no lifting and bed rest instructions.

It's not 'just' a C-section but a hysterectomy too.

If you want him to stay, I'd ask him again.

I've had both (not at the same time). You can move. I'd say vaginal birth was less painful post delivery. I'd recommend trying to move as promptly as possible. And try and use the loo as soon as you can. Take all the help you can get too. Stay in for as long as you need (or they let you!).

You should explain to him that if partner are allowed to stay the staffing levels will be as such that they're expecting partners to stay.

I was really shocked with my youngest at how different it was. Partners weren't allowed for stay with my previous births, but with the youngest it was expected.

DH ended up doing a lot of fetching and lifting for a lovely lady in the next cubicle who didn't have anyone with her as the staffing levels were shockingly low.

Without a doubt he should stay with you. Without being political or bashing the NHS - even top US physicians from their best hospitals say - 'the best thing you can do for your loved one is to stay in hospital with them to eliminate any possibility of mistakes. etc.'

You’ll move because you have to… your baby needs you!
I had two csections within a year, and a great trick for me was having a belt tied up in a loop to the foot of hospital bed… I then used the mechanical hosp bed to sit up as much as possible, and then pulled on the belt to sit me further up.
you’ll manage it because your baby needs you to x

Because it's half his kid, possibly ? Save us

They aren’t having a hysterectomy at the same time though. You can’t compare them. A hysterectomy is major surgery. It’s difficult enough to attend to your own needs for the first day or two without support, let alone a baby’s.

I couldn't have managed without my DH. Staff wouldn't help me shower and no one helped me breastfeed until the night staff came on duty and were quite horrified baby had been left so long without feeding. I had cannulas in both elbows and backs of hands, so I was really incapacitated. I felt physically and mentally vulnerable. With having a hysterectomy at the same time is there the possibility you would have 24 hours in maternity HDU?

Can you arrange the childcare as if he was staying and then see how you feel?
So the option is there.

I’ve had C-sections but not a hysterectomy, I imagine it’s quite different from ‘just’ having a C-section.

I couldn’t pick DS up from the cot so I kept him on me or by side in my bed the whole night. At one point one of the staff looked at me knowingly and said “I know you’re not sleeping with your baby in bed with you as that’s not something we can recommend” and I shook my head and said no of course I’m not and she said okay…

As it was I only got two 20 minute chunks the whole night and everyone was safe and fine but there was no way I could have heaved him up and down which required twisting that I literally couldn’t do every time I fed or changed him and he fed most of the night which was lovely. They say they’ll help you and they did try but the ward was rammed and several of us have had very complicated sections and there was a high level of need.

Also I’d be a bit annoyed to be looking after existing children only to hear that daddy has decided to stay over (needlessly) at the hospital so now I have to have the kids another night. That’s not really how it works.

You want him there and therefore he should be there. He can look after your baby as you recover and he can get help when you need it. He’s being selfish. There’s no excuse for letting you manage with no rest and after a major operation whilst he gets to have a solid nights sleep.

I'd have actually preferred having someone there to support me and the baby after rather than during birth tbh.

If my ex wasn't allowed to stay with me I'd have had no food or pain relief and I didn't even have a c section! I did have complications and me and my children nearly died. He actually fetched the breakfast for mums with no support as they were expected to fetch it themselves even though they couldn't walk following a c section.

My friend couldn't even get paracetamol after a c section as the staff were too busy.

Do you have anyone else who would be willing to stay with you? Wards are terribly understaffed and you're having major surgery. Other major surgery is treated entirely differently and usually more compassionately than c section recovery.

I remember a lovely first morning waking up with my first born, just the 2 of us , holding him close and telling him that I was his mummy and I would always love him.

He should do what you want surely? I really could have done with DH staying with me after my first birth, I couldn’t move around the bed one handed so trying to get the baby feeding was really hard

My husband went home with a headache after my CS 🤦‍♀️All ok and he was refreshed for when I came home. We also had a 22 month old as well so he got his priorities right.

In my hospital they get you out of bed for a shower after six hours so you might be up quickly.
Otherwise while in bed, I would just reach over for baby and change them on the bed with me
(Had three sections)
Partners also not allowed to stay over night

DH didn’t stay with me overnight after either of my C sections . Men were not allowed thank goodness . Women snoring was bad enough.
Wards need to be quieter not doubled up on people . Why would I want DH to sleep in a chair . Much better for him to rest at home and be fresh to come and help during the day.

I managed just fine with a little help from the midwives.

The point is you don't know how you'll be. Some women like myself had catheter in the first night and then collapsed when I tried to stand. I had to get help lifting the baby, and they took a while to come which was quite distressing with a screaming newborn. Others are fine. So it seems harsh that he has made up his mind now, without knowing how you're going to feel and what you'll be capable of.

This. It was lovely.