Grandparents leaving money to grandchildren?

If the children are OK financially, i think it is a good thing for the grandchildren to inherit. It's so difficult to get on the housing ladder, it will give them a leg up when they need it.

It causes unnecessary problems unless there’s lots of money in the first place.

I have seen this go wrong so many times.

One woman, a great mother who worked hard to bring up her children and looked after her parents and grandfather as they became frail, was left almost destitute because she’d never earned enough to buy her own home. Her grandparents left money to this mother’s children and her own mother left her house to the grandchildren. It wasn’t that those people thought that the mother wouldn’t look after her children or wouldn’t leave what she had to them: they just were very sentimental about the grandchildren and didn’t think how the mother would manage. So she was overlooked by the people that meant most to her. That was hurtful and put her in difficulties.

Another case, the grandfather left a life interest in a house to his daughter with the grandchildren to inherit when she died. This became a massive inconvenience when she became old and frail and had to live with one of her children. There’s absolutely no way that she wouldn’t have left everything she had to her children. She adored them. There wasn’t a lot of money and everyone’s life would have been far simpler if she’d just inherited the house.

Another one, though a bit different: a reasonably well off couple, only asset a house, made lots of bequests to friends in their wills. They had little to do with their children because they moved away to their “dream retirement” in the countryside and weren’t interested in their children. Yes, the children visited but it was only ever one way: the parents didn’t want to visit in return: travel for holidays, yes, but to visit children; not interested. So their named new friends in the retirement area got generous bequests. When the widow became frail she had to go into a care home. Their children had to travel hundreds of miles to sort things out, which to their credit they did, despite their parents not having been much interested in them. The house was used in care home fees. The “close friends” did nothing when the widow became ill, nothing, not even visits. They got their bequests and the children got nothing.

I could go on. If you’ve got plenty of money then possibly, but otherwise it causes sadness and problems.

My mum and MIL are both doing this. Not their full estate but large shares. I know my MIL also has savings accounts for the kids. Both wills are written that if the worst happened the funds would be held in trust until their early 20s. I’m just grateful that they care about my kids financial future as much as we do.

We must be twins. I feel the same. Husband and I actually earn a decent salary, but just cannot save the amount needed for multiple house deposits for our children. We have to subsidise their rent. Possibly forever.

I have life insurance polices so that there is money that can be paid out upon my death for them

What are you insuring? What policy do you have?

I am in your position too but I don’t begrudge those left inheritance.
I am just doing my best to climb further up the career ladder and enhance my earnings as much as possible so I can build something for my kids.
I also have a sizeable insurance policy that I pay into too for them.
it’s not the same and it not “fair” but neither is life and it’s really what you make it

Maybe they didn't want to have what might lead to being a very divisive conversation.

I would probably leave it up to my partner to talk with their parents about the situation and what might be appropriate in terms of putting age safeguards in place (if they wished to do so).

You have your side of the family to handle with and the inheritances there, both from your own family and your exs.

You can’t set this up with money left to them by their grandparents. It’s not your money to lock away - either the grandparents set up this mechanism or the kids get the money. It is a good conversation to have with grandparents though.

Well, my DM’s house, worth around £200,000 in the early 2010’s was sold to pay for her care, as she unfortunately had dementia and couldn’t be cared for by any of her working, child-raising children.
When she passed away, our remaining inheritance from her and my Dad, who had passed away years before, was less than £20,000 between us all - but she had received great care for the last 8 years of her life and that was what she needed.
My DC inherited a large sum from another relative though - and in their early twenties, squandered it all! So they are no better off than they would have been if they had inherited nothing.

To me it would depend on the age and circumstances of both Gdcs and the Gdcs’ parents at the time. If I knew they were very comfortably off, that’d be one thing. OTOH if I knew an inheritance would be very welcome, e.g. to help pay off a mortgage and so reduce monthly bills - or to enable them to buy a property in the first place, that’d be another matter.

In practice, what happens in quite a few families, including ours, is that older parents pass much or all of their legacies to adult dcs who have a greater need of the cash.

I’d rather money went to my children rather than me - I’ll likely be in my 60s so what am I going to do with it by that point - I’d rather they have helped more in my late 30s/early 40s as a single parent (yes they are more than able to) - my children on the other hand will be in the thick of uni / cars / house deposit costs which I won’t be able to hell with or maybe even having kids if their own and it will help them immensely

Either way my priority would getting DC housed, if it came to me I would be passing it along, if it went to DC then we would be having some very strong chats about buying a home. But we are lucky we don’t need it.

OP are you aware that people can put money in 'Trust' for youngsters, giving an age when they are able to receive the funds? For example if leaving my money to my grandchildren, I would probably arrange for it to be put in 'Trust' until they hit the age of thirty, as by that time most people have a clearer idea of what they want from life than they do at for example 18 or 21.

If you have previous kids with someone else, this will be exactly why they’ve done it.

And your posts seem to suggest you have children with your ex as well? If so, then it seems very likely they are doing this because if it went to your DH it would probably end up being used to benefit all your children (shared and step) and they can make sure it only goes to their genetic grandchildren?

Exactly

If your parents inherited from THEIR parents…presumably during middle age…then turn around, cut out their own (responsible) kids from getting similarly passed-down and -timed assistance…and pass the (at least partially inherited) funds to the young grandchildren instead…ouch.

That’s a very humiliating way to break a chain

You don’t need to decide how you feel about it, because your opinion doesn’t matter. The money and choice belongs to your in-laws.

Are your in-laws your current partner's parents or your ex's partner's parents. If it is your current partner's parents (and you have children with both your ex and current husband) then have you considered they are doing this so the money goes directly to their genetic grandchildren.

@Pepperpotladles , you don't have to be academic to earn well; some of the most successful people I know (in terms of actual wealth) don't have more than a few GCSE's. And some of the most educated people I know, I struggle to see how they remember to breathe.

It's called generational wealth for a reason; it takes generations to build up. You sound like the first to start building it up, i.e., you own your own home, your kids will benefit, and their kids will be in the position your children find their friends in now.

I'm in the same boat as you, zero from my grandparents, nor anything left to their children (my parents). My parents lived in a council house and have also left nothing. I actively encourage my wife's parents to spend their money and remind people that we'd not expect anything, it'd be nice, but I've seen people die with 300k in the bank, and they lived in poverty.

You earn it; you spend it as you see fit. No one is entitled to an inheritance.