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Original poster

Don't want my baby going to my MIL's without me.

88 replies

ByBluntGreyPoster · 21/05/2025 20:04

Heya so this may seem unreasonable however let me provide some insight then any feedback is very welcome.

I've been with my husband for 15 years, married for 7 and at the start my relationship with my MIL was OK, I mean we weren't going on shopping trips together etc however we have never had a cross word as such, however along the way she has definitely said comments I have not appreciated and over time I slowly started to go to her house less and less as tbh I just didn't want to anymore.
One comment years ago went along the lines of me talking about maternity leave and at this point DH and I had been together 8ish years and she went "we aren't thinking of babies yet"! I totally thought it was none of her business. Another comment was about my stepson and her telling me I wasn't another mum....which was odd given I wasn't trying to be his mum quite the opposite tbh as I was quite young at the time and acknowledged he had a mum. However I've always felt she is jealous of me and that I am so lucky to have her son with no acknowledgement that he is also lucky as I make him happy. She has made other comments...however those stuck out as they felt hurtful at the time. Fast forward to my pregnancy, she didn't really bother she would ask hubby how I was and one day I said to him why doesn't she text and ask me....well oddly a few weeks after me saying that she called me to ask how I was.
From that day onwards she has never checked again and once I had our baby she has never asked how I am and since having our baby she has popped round about 6 times in 9 months for 5 minutes each time and again never asked how I was or if she could help. Now that baby is bigger and doesn't need to be breastfed as much my DH takes him up to his mums for a couple of hours when he goes up....always without me to give me a break
However I begrudge that she has them up there and now can spend longer than 5 minutes as it seems she didn't want to bother with me and now it's on her turf she has the time...as the mother of her grandchild I just find her peculiar as I've never done anything or said anything to her.
She also always excuses her son and is quite sexist.

Can anyone weigh in, please.

OP posts:
faerietales · 21/05/2025 20:27

Your baby is DH's baby too - and MIL is his mum. How would you feel if DH said you couldn't go to your mum's without him?

Sassysoonwins · 21/05/2025 20:24

Another one here saying 'enjoy it', you don't get on, you don't want to go there, dh is happy to take your dd solo so enjoy the free time. I wish I'd managed to get out of countless trips to my MILs when the kids were tiny.

Lmnop22 · 21/05/2025 20:23

I would say you guys don’t see eye to eye and she knows you don’t like her very much and knows you know she doesn’t like you very much so she felt a bit awkward at your house with you there (not saying that’s right but likely how it is).

But surely it’s a win win if your DH takes the baby there without you? You sound like you want to use your baby as a tool to upset her by depriving the contact and bond between them because you don’t get along. But that’s her grandbaby and it’s definitely in your child’s best interests (unless any safeguarding concerns which you’ve not mentioned) for them to see one another and form a bond.

You don’t want her in your house or around you so why do you care so much that she doesn’t come anyway?

Nevertrustacop · 21/05/2025 20:21

Thelostjewels · 21/05/2025 20:17

Op it doesn't matter what we think if it makes you uncomfortable don't let baby go or limit the time.

No this is bonkers. Of course OP doesn't have the right to ban baby from going if DH wants to take him.

BIossomtoes · 21/05/2025 20:21

Createausername1970 · 21/05/2025 20:17

I would just be grateful that DH is happy to take the baby out on his own and I would be getting some quiet time to myself.

Most people would. Time for a long bath, read a book, watch a film - lovely.

ExtraOnions · 21/05/2025 20:18

She did ask how you were, she asked your husband … who I presume she has the primary relationship with. Why would she need to ask you as well?

Maybe she doesn’t come over much because you don’t have a comfortable relationship.

You DH has a good relationship with her, let them crack on.

Createausername1970 · 21/05/2025 20:17

I would just be grateful that DH is happy to take the baby out on his own and I would be getting some quiet time to myself.

Thelostjewels · 21/05/2025 20:17

Op it doesn't matter what we think if it makes you uncomfortable don't let baby go or limit the time.

FNDandme · 21/05/2025 20:15

My DH goes alone to visit his mum as her house is filthy. If MIL wants to see our DD she comes here or we meet in a cafe - we even stopped taking the dog over as Ddog would always come home unwell

Hankunamatata · 21/05/2025 20:15

Perhaps you make her feel uncomfortable?

Hankunamatata · 21/05/2025 20:14

Er those comments by mil arnt really hurtful comments. Perhaps a little blunt but they don't seem malicious or nasty.

Tbh if mil had started calling me or texting me when I was pregnant I'd find that weird. I'm more than happy for dh to tell his mum how I am

You seem a little resentful that mil isn't gushing over you.

Just1712 · 21/05/2025 20:13

I honestly would not get stressed out about this. You don’t like her, your husband seems to get on ok with her. Just let them go on and enjoy the few hours peace. I honestly think you are to a win that husband takes child in his own and doesn’t expect you to go.

ButteryLightHouse · 21/05/2025 20:09

My own opinion (which seems to go against the general Mumsnet consensus) is that me, DH and our DC are a package deal. We all go see our parents. Or our parents see us when we're all home. But we don't see our parents as often as your DH is seeing his mum. No way would we be up for that!

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