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Original poster

Over reaction from DH

113 replies

Notthetidiest88 · 21/05/2025 19:39

I am the first to admin I'm not always the tidiest person. Our house is clean but I don't have any issues with the odd cup or water bottle being left on the side, especially if know i am going to use in the bear future (ie the kids schools bottles if they are being used the next day)

This morning i was tidying in the kitchen after unloading the dishwasher and making DH's lunch and i moved the air fryer liners to on top of the air fryer. Dh likes them in the cupboard but I knew I was using them later (had planned my lunch to use the air fryer) so popped them on top of the air fryer. DH started screaming ans shouting about how I never tidy up. Leave everything everywhere etc. Called me a few words I won't repeat and stormed out.

Should point out that this is the person who fixed a new picture up the other day but has the left thenpile of dust from dilling the screws on the floor for a week until I clear it. Who leaves washing by the side of the bed until I move it and pick it up

This isn't an unusual reaction from him and I do try and remember to put things away but with 2 you for children and working full time i just forget.

OP posts:
AntikytheraMech · 22/05/2025 19:38

Divorce him. You'll be much happier with a box of wine and some cats. And his money.

ZoggyStirdust · 22/05/2025 19:35

When it’s a man who doesn’t tidy up someone always posts that “I left my cup by the dishwasher” thing and he’s roundly derided…

wafflesmgee · 22/05/2025 19:22

Your posts are so sad. I’m so sorry he treats you with such disrespect and unkindness. 💐 When you are ready, think about how you would feel if your children’s future partners spoke to them like this? If you want better for them, you need to leave. He is breaking his marriage vows to cherish you. Marriage isn’t supposed to be like this

Terrribletwos · 22/05/2025 19:22

Notthetidiest88 · 21/05/2025 20:30

So this was this morning

Tried talking to him when he came home from work (he finishes at 1pm, I wfh and finish at 5pm)

His answer was I was snappy when he asked why I wasn't putting the things away and that i always have to be right (I don't - learnt a long time ago just to apologise, take the blame and move on) and that the way I speak to him is disgusting

I went back to work in my office space, he has gone out for the evening to the pub to watch the football. Didn't say bye. Just walked out.

At least it's peaceful tonight

Leave! He talks to you like garbage and treats you like garbage. Why put up with this nonsense? A good relationship does not look like this.

OhCobblers · 22/05/2025 19:21

“ learnt a long time ago just to apologise, take the blame and move on”
I’ve just reread your post OP - based on this alone I’d leave the marriage - awful life for you and your kids.

Lifeisinteresting · 22/05/2025 19:18

So @Notthetidiest88 I’m guessing he's tidy when it suits him. I live with a husband like this, he is obsessed about the kitchen and hallway being clear.

KurtShirty · 22/05/2025 19:16

it crushes your self esteem this shit. It’s not good enough and with him unwilling to change, you’re the only one who can put a stop to it

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 22/05/2025 19:09

' leaves washing by the side of the bed until I move it and pick it up'

' until I move it and pick it up ' why ?

OhCobblers · 22/05/2025 19:05

Oh and STOP apologising to him - bloody hell he owes you a ton of apologies for his utter dickish behaviour!

OhCobblers · 22/05/2025 19:03

abusive horrible wanker you’ve got there.
Why the fuck is he playing games while you’re running around after work doing everything and looking after a sick child?
stop doing anything for him and tell him to fuck off with his attitude - start doing more and contribute in every way or the marriage is over.
Actually the marriage would be over for me anyway.
he sounds bloody awful - tosser ….

atamlin · 22/05/2025 19:01

Many posters on this threat making excuses for an abusive arsehole. The day my partner shouts at me is the day he leaves this house. I wouldn’t stand for it.

butteredhorseradish · 22/05/2025 18:57

Asked if he thought it was appropriate to speak to me that way. He said yes. As it was a large list of things that tipped him over the edge (but can't give me the examples) and that until I learn he will speak to me how he wants

There's no way I would stay with someone who spoke to me like that.

andtheworldrollson · 22/05/2025 18:49

Clean air fryer bits are so different to dust and muck! He’s a slob

butteredhorseradish · 22/05/2025 18:42

Springadorable · 21/05/2025 19:54

He totally overreacted, 100%. But also do you think you might put things in random places more often than you like to admit? Because it's weird to unload something out of the dishwasher, have an active thought of "this will be used later" and then put it away in the wrong place when you know it winds him up rather than just put it away when you're already holding it?

They weren't put away in the wrong place. She didn't put the air fryer liners away at all because she was intending to use the air fryer so she just put them on top of the air fryer until she was ready to use them. Why put them away in a cupboard only to have to get them out again a short while later?

AutumnFroglets · 22/05/2025 18:31

Look up emotional abuse and coercive control @Notthetidiest88 . I can tell you right now that you are in an abusive relationship but you need to read up on various websites yourself to fully understand why I've said that. Then you need to start planning to leave as it will only get worse until you don't know who you are. He will crush the life and soul out of you.

https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/emotional-abuse

Emotional abuse | Relate

Most people know what physical abuse is, but when it comes to emotional abuse, people tend to think there’s much more of a ‘grey area’.

https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/emotional-abuse

Elsvieta · 22/05/2025 18:20

So he basically tells you that every time he treats you like crap, you somehow "made him" do it? Classic abusive behaviour.

Next time he moans at you when you've just made his meal, scrape it straight into the bin.

pikkumyy77 · 22/05/2025 18:12

Notthetidiest88 · 22/05/2025 17:13

Finally got him to talk to me today

Asked if he thought it was appropriate to speak to me that way. He said yes. As it was a large list of things that tipped him over the edge (but can't give me the examples) and that until I learn he will speak to me how he wants

I apologised (not sure why) he doesn't want to know and we're back not talking

That is AWFUL. I would not stay with someone who was proud of grudge holding and thought he was entitled to berate and insult me in the basis of this fantasy of bad behavior.

Revolting behavior on his part. What is the point of being with someone who treats you like shit and tells you that you deserve it?

nutbrownhare15 · 22/05/2025 18:01

He's abusive. Have a look at the cycle of abuse and Lundy Bancroft's book. Why does he do that? Free pdfs available online. You'll recognise him. You can speak to domestic abuse charities for support. I wish you a him-free future.

Therealjudgejudy · 22/05/2025 17:41

He is an abusive prick op.

Terrible example to be setting your kids

Nicebottleofred · 22/05/2025 17:35

Wallywobbles · 22/05/2025 06:43

Honestly he does sound like a twat.

Definitely a twat!

Nicebottleofred · 22/05/2025 17:34

“until I learn he will speak to me how he wants”

WTF??!!

Original poster
Notthetidiest88 · 22/05/2025 17:13

Finally got him to talk to me today

Asked if he thought it was appropriate to speak to me that way. He said yes. As it was a large list of things that tipped him over the edge (but can't give me the examples) and that until I learn he will speak to me how he wants

I apologised (not sure why) he doesn't want to know and we're back not talking

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 22/05/2025 11:17

Springadorable · 21/05/2025 19:54

He totally overreacted, 100%. But also do you think you might put things in random places more often than you like to admit? Because it's weird to unload something out of the dishwasher, have an active thought of "this will be used later" and then put it away in the wrong place when you know it winds him up rather than just put it away when you're already holding it?

No. Its not wrong.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 22/05/2025 11:16

I'd tell him to F off

Naunet · 22/05/2025 08:18

You both work full time, so why the hell are you making his lunch and fetching his drinks when he can't even be bothered to pick his dirty pants up off the floor? You're telling him loud and clear that you're not worthy of respect.