Over reaction from DH

So are you going to just update this thread every few days with more dickhead behaviour by him or are you going to do something about it?

Is he sane? He's either controlling, OCD or bonkers

With kindness, you know his behaviour & attitude towards you is wrong, on so many levels, or you wouldn't have written this. I am in agreement with pretty much all of the above replies (well, probably all of them) - if your best friend / sister etc had written your post about themselves + their partner how would you react? What advice would you give them? If this relationship has any chance of going forward in happiness (if you want it to) this surely needs to be resolved. Lots of great advice above, but the final straw appears to be now pretty close. Find your voice, seek support & legal advice, & sending best wishes - you are worth so much more than living like this x

You can’t tell him DD touched the mirror because he’ll have a go at her. You apologise so often you don’t even know what you’re apologising for. You pick up after him, make his lunch and bring him drinks, knowing that he doesn’t appreciate it and is going to abuse you anyway.

You are scared of him. You’re already automatically shielding your children from his anger. It won’t get better, and it’s very likely to get worse. What if it’s one of the children on the wrong side of his temper next time? You’re an intelligent, articulate and capable woman, you don’t need to be under the boot of a controlling bully who treats you like a domestic appliance. Please, please make a plan to leave him. He’s dangerous.

What an absolute knob I really would be thinking long and hard about this relationship he sounds awful he definitely doesn’t respect you it’s ok he can be a lazy twat but u do something he doesn’t like he abuses you. Tell him to fuck off and say I will also speak to you how I like honestly stop apologising he thinks your weak he needs telling he’s a twat and if he keeps on at you he will be doing everything for himself and you will concentrate on doing everything right for you and dc. I feel for you. Could he be looking at a way out he doesn’t seem to care how you feel.

@Notthetidiest88 not replacing the toilet roll I get. As that's not fair on next user!

You and your kids deserve better than this controlling prick. He’s not modelling good behaviour or any kind of positive example for them, and he’s making your life miserable. The fact you can’t even tell him that your daughter did something and feel you have to take the blame… you realise that isn’t normal, I’m sure.

Tell your mum. Have a look at the resources from Women’s Aid. Start piecing together the financial picture, and look for a solicitor to give you advice about divorce. You home will be happier without him keeping everyone on eggshells. This is no way to live 💐

OP I’m exhausted just reading your posts. He is an absolute prize, I would have separated long ago. I could even imagine my DH treating me that way. He needs a major wake up call! 💐Hope you are OK.

LEAVE THE BU**ER ASAP.
Your poor children listen and living with this abusive man child.

This is an abusive relationship. It is not normal. Do not be convinced it is. Most husbands do not shout at, do not "tell off", do not swear at and do not control their wives.

The home is both of yours and he doesn't get to dictate where things go. But even if it was his house, speaking to you like this is not ever okay.

Your daughter is watching this, believing this is normal and okay. Remember you are setting the standard for her later relationships. Do you want this for her?

Please either tell him to leave or get out. This is not ok. Its like listening to all the things my mum and ex partner did, and do.
Living with it as a child made me think it was normal as an adult, and I let my ex treat me like absolute shit. Anyone who knew me at work thought I wouldn't take any crap from anyone, and he used to goad me until I lost my temper when in public so he could pull the 'poor me' routine.
It took me a very long time to leave, and I'm only just beginning to realise how much mental damage it has done to me.
For various reasons I still see my ex (animals not children) and have to be very careful to keep boundaries up and in place.
I'm very low contact with my mum, who doesn't see how badly she behaved, and blames my father for the poor relationship she has with me. (He wouldn't back her up in being physically abusive)
I would also recommend counselling, I've had some, and need a lot more.

Op. You’re apologising because you’re just trying not to make him worse. This is awful for you. Please tell him to treat you better it you’re leaving. Best of luck 🤞

Until you learn!? Wtaf!
You are walking on eggshells to keep the peace whilst he is ramping up the abuse. The fact you didn't tell him it was your dd who cleaned the mirror with her hand so he didn't have a go at her!
Who cares where you got the loo roll from. It doesn't matter. None of it does. It doesn't matter if you do leave things out, if he has an issue with it he should speak to you like a person and his equal partner.
Just read @BookArt55 s post and they are spot on. Your last post made me sad too, for you and your children.
I think I would keep on as you have been but in the background start getting your ducks in a row. Get the house finished as it will be much easier to sell.

I've read your latest comment. But this one broke my heart and gave me flashbacks.
I think after this thread you are going to be even more aware of how much you and the kids tiptoe around him. You'll then start noticing all of the things you do 'his' way, silly things like the dishes or a certain meal. You'll then notice you don't actually want to do that, you used to do it a different way but because he didn't like it and he told you his way was better you've now changed so many small things about yourself to please him... but it still isn't good enough. And it will never be good enough.
Then, I hope, you'll leave. You, and your kids, deserve better. Hard initially but you'll look back obe day and be so glad you got out and taught your kids such a big lesson.

If he likes everything put away all the time he should do it himself, I would not put up with this, where does he think he is-work, you are his partner not his subordinate.

Your last post yesterday made me so sad, this is is not normal behaviour but that of an abusive control freak. You say you have teens, has he always been like this. The verbal abuse is what makes me worry, my ex was very verbally abusive, the neighbours would give me pitying looks when they could hear him calling me allsorts in the summer when the windows were open. Never touched me physically but boy it still hurt, and I couldn't financially afford to leave until my kids were teens, which I did, and yes it has affected their personalities as adults. He was diagnosed as Bi Polar about 5 years before I left him, he then used his illness as an excuse for being a verbally abusive arseh*le and refused to take his medication, he would actually laugh and say it's ok because I'm mental. Wtaf. Today I look back with tears in my eyes that I put up with it for such a long time, finances paid such a large part, we never went without but there was never anything left at the end of the month, so no savings. The really sad thing is that we had so much in common and we could chat way into the night making each other laugh, and you forgive because of these times, and for the sake of the kids and family harmony, but eventually the bad outweighs the good, when memories of every family day out is marred by traveling home in the car with him ranting at you about something so minor you really can't remember what started him off.
He died about 2 years after I left him, we had remained cordial for the sake of the kids, but when he died he wasn't talking to me because I had displeased him yet again.🤷‍♀️
Sorry for the rant, he's been dead for over ten years but sometimes posts on here do take me back.
I wish you all the best, and hope one day you can relax in your own home without fear of being told off.

If you don’t care about what his abusive behaviour is doing to you……. can you at least consider what he is doing to your children?

Why are you living in such an abusive relationship he has told you he thinks he can’t speak to you as he wants

@Notthetidiest88 are you seriously going to live the rest of your life with this wanker?? What about when you can’t stop him having a go at the children over the stupidest of things?? Are they going to live this shitty life too?? For their whole childhood?

You are being abused.
Tell your mum the truth.
It sounds so stressful.
Please contact Women's aid for a chat.

This is not a good man, husband or father.
He is a house terrorist.

He’s a controlling a*hole and you need to make a plan to leave

It’s your home as well. He wants them put away, you want them left out for lunch. Why is where he wants them automatically the “right” place? What makes his wants trump yours in a shared home?

@Notthetidiest88 think he really needs to get a life and stop nitpicking!!

Oh OP, this is no way to live. Life is just to short to tolerate this behaviour.