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To Get Advice on When to Have Sex with Guy I'm Dating

85 replies

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:39

Ok, so I may sound silly here. Im 50, was married for 21 years, been divorced 8 years. Ive had several short-term relationships that went nowhere.

Anyway, I have been talking to a guy on and off for best part of year. I was resistant to meeting up with him because of his age (44), but he was persistent, and anyway we finally met 2 weeks ago. We have had 2 dates, I've just come back from the second and I honestly feel smitten. We had a kiss and lets just say it was a real toe curler. Both dates were amazing - great chat - each lasted 4 hours! Normally when I kiss someone at first I feel nothing or next to nothing, and it builds over time. With this guy I am completely and utterly taken aback because the kiss was spark central!!!! It was soooo intense I had to pull away and I felt embarrassed. I've never had this before.

Anyway, we are having a date friday night, and given the sparks I know I will want to sleep with him, but should I? I really do like this guy, and as I say, this is unusual for me - especially so early on. Should I delay as long as possible to build the relationship and tension or just go for it?

Its a very exciting problem to have isnt it! lol. I'm like a giddy teen. (I realise I sound like a right knob).

OP posts:
PeapodMcgee · 21/05/2025 19:02

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 19:00

Yeh ive been thinking about love bombing. I mean it is like that - but its been over a year. I will be cautious.

For some blokes, the longer the chase, the better. Just be careful. I have to say, if someone said they want me for their Queen I'd be laughing in their face!

Hopefully he's genuine.

MarkingBad · 21/05/2025 19:01

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:59

Well it will be at my local, so he can sleep the night at mine. If I let him.

Im wondering whether to ask if hes dating anyone else or not. I think I just want to be sure hes not sleeping with anyone else if Im going to sleep with him. I wouldn't like that. Although asking him may put him off I guess.

Surely you'd use a condom anyway?

EveryOtherNameTaken · 21/05/2025 19:00

Whenever you're ready. There's no set times.

I slept with mine on first date and getting married soon after years. I'm also in 50s with younger partner.

Known people to wait for ages to sleep with someone and get dumped afterwards anyway.

If they like you and you like them then it will work whenever you sleep together.

Enjoy!!!

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 19:00

PeapodMcgee · 21/05/2025 18:59

Well I'd crack on, but be wary of love-bombing and the potential for post-nut clarity / him to get bored after he's dtd.

Edited

Yeh ive been thinking about love bombing. I mean it is like that - but its been over a year. I will be cautious.

OP posts:
bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:59

Well it will be at my local, so he can sleep the night at mine. If I let him.

Im wondering whether to ask if hes dating anyone else or not. I think I just want to be sure hes not sleeping with anyone else if Im going to sleep with him. I wouldn't like that. Although asking him may put him off I guess.

OP posts:
PeapodMcgee · 21/05/2025 18:59

Well I'd crack on, but be wary of love-bombing and the potential for post-nut clarity / him to get bored after he's dtd.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 21/05/2025 18:57

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:55

No he has made it very clear he wants a relationship - we both said that.

I even said if it doesnt work out Id still love us to be friends (because we have been chatting so long and we get on so well) but he was quite firm and said he had no interest in being friends with me.

He actually said he fully intends to make me his queen. He's very sweet - and persistent (in a good way).

I'm quite annoyed with myself for dithering for so long.

I feel so happy for you 😄🥰

He sounds lovely. What's the itinerary for your date on Friday?

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:55

No he has made it very clear he wants a relationship - we both said that.

I even said if it doesnt work out Id still love us to be friends (because we have been chatting so long and we get on so well) but he was quite firm and said he had no interest in being friends with me.

He actually said he fully intends to make me his queen. He's very sweet - and persistent (in a good way).

I'm quite annoyed with myself for dithering for so long.

OP posts:
thetrumanshow · 21/05/2025 18:55

ExtraOnions · 21/05/2025 18:53

Find out what you both want from the relationship first. Does he see it as a casual thing? Do you ? You both need to be on the same page, or someone will end up getting hurt.

You might want to check if you are compatible in bed before thinking of casual/ serious relationships, don't you?

MarkingBad · 21/05/2025 18:55

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:50

Awww thanks everyone.

Anyway else had a real knee trembler on the first kiss!!! Not been something I've had since a teen. So its quite something.

I will admit if he ghosted me now - whether I had sex with him or not - I'd be gutted. I really do like him. Its been a while since I really did like someone. Im lucky that despite my age and menopause - Im still a randy old goat! LOL.

Your definition of knee trembler is different to mine 😆

There's no time like the time that feels right as a PP said if it is a ONS it was always going to be a ONS some men love the chase. Do what feels right to you and don't have any expectation, if it turns into something good it always would have whether you have sex now or 6 months down the line.

And great news OP, glad you are enjoying yourself, don't let the arbitary rule mob dictate your decisions

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:53

Eeekk....he just messaged me 'well that kiss showed we have some really lovely chemistry hey - sparks aflying'.

Swoon....

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 21/05/2025 18:53

Find out what you both want from the relationship first. Does he see it as a casual thing? Do you ? You both need to be on the same page, or someone will end up getting hurt.

thetrumanshow · 21/05/2025 18:53

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:52

Should I be asking if we are exclusive BEFORE having sex? When are we supposed to have that chat???

depends on how much you want sex...

PeapodMcgee · 21/05/2025 18:52

Anytime is fine, but I would want to find out if he's seeing anyone else, what he wants in a relationship (or not), etc. Others may dive straight in and see what happens, up to you.

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:52

Should I be asking if we are exclusive BEFORE having sex? When are we supposed to have that chat???

OP posts:
DJSteves · 21/05/2025 18:52

I shagged mine on the first night. Coming up to 12 years now.

thetrumanshow · 21/05/2025 18:52

SALaw · 21/05/2025 18:50

I’d say… a year ago

I like the way you are thinking 😂

tripleginandtonic · 21/05/2025 18:52

Go for it, at 50 you nay as well take goid sex sooner rather than later.

AlliBallyBoo · 21/05/2025 18:52

Already excited for the Saturday update!

Fill you fanny boots OP, you only live once

SALaw · 21/05/2025 18:51

Springtime43 · 21/05/2025 18:48

I think this fine for Date 3

Or 1 or 2 or 10 or 20

SALaw · 21/05/2025 18:50

I’d say… a year ago

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:50

Awww thanks everyone.

Anyway else had a real knee trembler on the first kiss!!! Not been something I've had since a teen. So its quite something.

I will admit if he ghosted me now - whether I had sex with him or not - I'd be gutted. I really do like him. Its been a while since I really did like someone. Im lucky that despite my age and menopause - Im still a randy old goat! LOL.

OP posts:
LoopyLooooo · 21/05/2025 18:49

I'd say go for it then OP.

You have nothing to lose!

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 21/05/2025 18:48

Congrats op, life is for living and you're doing it 🥰

I say go for it, but will defer to more experienced daters xx

Eyesopenwideawake · 21/05/2025 18:48

Go for it!

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