Holidays end bad

34 replies

Candymac · 21/05/2025 17:11

Hi
I'm just home from a wonderful mini break with husband and kids. Me and Husband are not on great terms last few years but staying together because of kids
Last eve of holidays, I was explaining why we didn't all have to do what he wanted every day, that it was OK for us to not want to see all the churches and museums but we didn't mind if he did.
He paused and looked at me and said, you're only a c@%t, and a bitch
Right in front of my 3 teens.i left and walked home on my own
He doesn't do this frequently but I've certainly heard it before and I think it's because he's hurting, he knows I don't want him anymore
AIBU to be disgusted at this behaviour particularly in front of my kids?
Haven't spoken to him since and he ruined what was a fantastic holiday

OP posts:

Amba1998 · 21/05/2025 17:26

Candymac · 21/05/2025 17:22

Thank you all, I see all sides of the arguments
He's a very good dad and provider in all other aspects so I feel like I'll be the one labelled as the one who broke the family up for no reason
He's a ' salt of the earth' guy according to everyone around
But we are both miserable.....
I wish he'd cheat and I'd have an excuse to leave

You don’t need an excuse. You’re unhappy in your marriage. He doesn’t need to cheat. Neither do you. You get one life stop wasting it with him. And do your kids a favour!

Uricon2 · 21/05/2025 17:25

Having been a child whose parents stayed together in an utterly miserable and combatative marriage for "the sake of the children", only 2 words. Please don't.

Original poster

Candymac · 21/05/2025 17:22

OP posts:

zenas · 21/05/2025 17:18

Your kids will see the dad's behaviour as normal towards their partner, and will replicate it some day. Is that what you want? Staying on "for the sake of the kids" is exposing them to such behaviour between their parents. That's not good.

I'd be making plans to skidaddle the minute I got home TBH. Make a plan and stick to it. I know it's easier to stay, but think of the future, think of you, and think of your kids. He will still see them, but without the toxicity of your relationship, such as it is.

Good luck to you. Have pride in yourself and your ability to get away from this person.

Cherrysoup · 21/05/2025 17:17

I imagine it’s not easy splitting up and sorting finances/where everyone will live, but I think I’d rather sort that than stay with someone who thinks it’s ok to be controlling and abusive in front of the dc. Please don’t tell yourself you’re staying together for the sake of the kids: do you really think they’ll be grateful for that given his horrible behaviour? What is he teaching them about adult relationships?

Ponoka7 · 21/05/2025 17:17

Was it necessary for you to do that at the end of your holiday? He shouldn't be speaking to anyone like that in front of his children, but staying together and the effects are on both of you.

GardenGaff · 21/05/2025 17:17

Your kids won’t thank you for staying together “because of them”.

My mum and dad should have split up years ago, instead they continued to inflict their miserable relationship on me and my sibling, affecting us both long term in all kinds of ways.

You’re really not doing them some wonderful favour by staying, in fact they may end up having zero respect and even contempt for you when they’re older.

BakelikeBertha · 21/05/2025 17:15

I'm afraid I can't see any point in you remaining together if he's speaking like that to you in front of your teenage kids OP. A shame he ruined the holiday for you, but in your shoes, what he did would be enough to make me end the relationship if it's that fragile in the first place.

Thelondonone · 21/05/2025 17:13

Yanbt that’s this is unacceptable but yabu not to split up. What example are you setting your children about healthy relationships?

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