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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think uninviting a child to a party is exceedingly rude

363 replies

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 16:26

My child (7 years old)got a party invite via a WhatsApp group. I asked him if he wanted to come, he did, and I replied saying he would love to come on the group. So far, so normal.

I then was removed from the group, and received a message to say that his invite was a mistake.

AIBU to think regardless of mistakes, you don't uninvite? My child has been in nursery/school with this child for years, they play together, and it's not a small party either, or one where numbers are critical or pay per head (just a party at home, which is also fine, and I know they have a good size home and garden).

I don't care that he isn't invited, just that he has been invited, when he is aware of the invite now. He will now be hearing kids talking about the party at school, thinking he is going, but not able to go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:15

Riaanna · 21/05/2025 18:14

May have been a cap of the actual number of kids that can go and by inviting others the venue becomes impossible.

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The venue is their home, so no cap. Most hadn't RSVPed yet either.

OP posts:
Riaanna · 21/05/2025 18:14

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 16:49

This is it, mistakes happen, but I would have thought parents would still include following. I would never dream of uninviting a child in this situation.

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May have been a cap of the actual number of kids that can go and by inviting others the venue becomes impossible.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/05/2025 18:13

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:12

If she is going to uninvite him to the party and not suggest an alternative I doubt she will invite to a playdate.

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Well she couldn’t if she wanted to. You’ve decided for her.

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:13

thetrumanshow · 21/05/2025 18:12

I think it's more the OP than the child the host wanted to avoid...

Lol. Assume what you like but it was a drop off party.

OP posts:
Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:12

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/05/2025 18:11

But this situation is about your child not you, and he doesn’t even know what’s happened yet. You’ve further escalated it

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If she is going to uninvite him to the party and not suggest an alternative I doubt she will invite to a playdate.

OP posts:
thetrumanshow · 21/05/2025 18:12

I think it's more the OP than the child the host wanted to avoid...

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/05/2025 18:12

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:11

She had the option when she rescinded the invite, and when I responded saying it was rude. I think the ship has definitely sailed now.

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Well yeah because you have blocked her. She might have just not thought of a play date yet, or wanted to ask her kid if they wanted to invite yours after all.

thetrumanshow · 21/05/2025 18:12

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:01

How have I made a big deal? I have just called out her behaviour as rude, after confirming that it indeed is! (Vast majority here have agreed)

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you are making it a big deal by telling her she's rude
and starting a whole thread about it.

and threatening to tell everyone how rude she is

If that's not making a big deal, what do you actually do when it is one?

nyancatdays · 21/05/2025 18:11

That’s awful - whatever the mistake she should have sucked it up and kept your child on the list. That’s not only indescribably rude but also cruel and hurtful to a 7 y o. I’d barely be interacting with her from now on after that (and I would tell everyone I knew of the other parents as well).

Agree that you should book something nice and then tell your child that you’d not realised but you’d already booked the show/train/day out/theme park etc. so he’ll have to miss the party.

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 18:11

I honestly think you have massively overreacting here and played the wrong hand here Op and it could affect your child.

Telling the parent she was rude then blocking her, you didn’t giver her a chance to explain. Don’t you think she’s now going to tell ALL her friends about you, then they will tell all their friends, probably laughing at how you’ve overreacted. You honestly think they would want to be friendly to someone who behaves like this? This can really ostracise you. Also if her child is popular do you think they would want to invite your child to anymore parties. Her and her friends will stick together. Same thing could happen to your kid and he’ll end up with no friends.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/05/2025 18:11

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:09

I don't see how engaging with her any further will help either. It's clear there will never be a playdate now.

I just can't be bothered with people like her in my life.

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But this situation is about your child not you, and he doesn’t even know what’s happened yet. You’ve further escalated it

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:11

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/05/2025 18:10

How can she propose anything when you’ve blocked her?

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She had the option when she rescinded the invite, and when I responded saying it was rude. I think the ship has definitely sailed now.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/05/2025 18:10

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:07

I couldn't care less what she does now. She clearly isn't a person with morals. If she had cared about how my child felt she could have kept the invite, or proposed a playdate instead.

My son has plenty of other friends. I don't think she can control the playground anyway.

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How can she propose anything when you’ve blocked her?

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:09

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/05/2025 18:05

She was incredibly rude but I do think blocking her is a bit childish considering your children are friends. It’s not going to help anything at all is it?

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I don't see how engaging with her any further will help either. It's clear there will never be a playdate now.

I just can't be bothered with people like her in my life.

OP posts:
AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 21/05/2025 18:08

2% of us are evil personified? That's a shame.

Hopefully there'll be some instant karma for you OP.

whitewineandsun · 21/05/2025 18:08

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:07

I couldn't care less what she does now. She clearly isn't a person with morals. If she had cared about how my child felt she could have kept the invite, or proposed a playdate instead.

My son has plenty of other friends. I don't think she can control the playground anyway.

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That's fine, then.

rollypollymolly · 21/05/2025 18:07

wow, not just rude, but really cruel. I would never interact with that person again

spoonbillstretford · 21/05/2025 18:07

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 18:00

You might think that but the parent clearly has other ideas. You do understand people have different ways of thinking and different expectations?

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Yes they do. Correct ones and incorrect ones. There's no grey area here.

KilkennyCats · 21/05/2025 18:07

Heronwatcher · 21/05/2025 16:55

I think it’s better not to but what if the party is strictly limited in numbers? My kids have had craft parties, nerf parties and trampolines/ inflateables in the garden where the numbers were really strictly constrained. It might be the case that keeping your invite meant not inviting someone who the birthday child really wanted there. Either that or there has been a recent personality clash at school and the mum can’t face it seeping into the party.

Either way, best thing is just to move on and perhaps give the child and the mum a bit of a wide berth.

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How could numbers be that constrained in your own garden?

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:07

whitewineandsun · 21/05/2025 18:04

She'll likely encourage her son to focus on other friends, which seems to be the advice given on here when mothers block each other.

FWIW, she shouldn't have uninvited him. I just think blocking is an overreaction.

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I couldn't care less what she does now. She clearly isn't a person with morals. If she had cared about how my child felt she could have kept the invite, or proposed a playdate instead.

My son has plenty of other friends. I don't think she can control the playground anyway.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/05/2025 18:05

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:02

Yes, and there was no insight. Still saying it was 'just a mistake'.

The bonkers thing is she is a teacher!

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She was incredibly rude but I do think blocking her is a bit childish considering your children are friends. It’s not going to help anything at all is it?

spoonbillstretford · 21/05/2025 18:05

AJ20 · 21/05/2025 17:45

I bet you've never made a mistake in your life 🤣

Certainly I have, we all do, the difference the more socially skilled and emotionally intelligent among us is to have the sense not to compound it by making a further, worse mistake.

whitewineandsun · 21/05/2025 18:04

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:00

They can still play at school. He hasn't lost a friend. It's clear that playing outside of school won't happen based on her messages so far. If she wanted to invite him to a playdate instead she could have done.

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She'll likely encourage her son to focus on other friends, which seems to be the advice given on here when mothers block each other.

FWIW, she shouldn't have uninvited him. I just think blocking is an overreaction.

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 18:03

Raizin · 21/05/2025 17:53

Why? All they're gonna do is run back and tell the other parent and then they'll slag you off together!!

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Exactly. If her child is popular this could cause issues for the ops child.

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:02

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/05/2025 18:01

Just out of interest did you let her reply before you blocked her?

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Yes, and there was no insight. Still saying it was 'just a mistake'.

The bonkers thing is she is a teacher!

OP posts: