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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think uninviting a child to a party is exceedingly rude

363 replies

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 16:26

My child (7 years old)got a party invite via a WhatsApp group. I asked him if he wanted to come, he did, and I replied saying he would love to come on the group. So far, so normal.

I then was removed from the group, and received a message to say that his invite was a mistake.

AIBU to think regardless of mistakes, you don't uninvite? My child has been in nursery/school with this child for years, they play together, and it's not a small party either, or one where numbers are critical or pay per head (just a party at home, which is also fine, and I know they have a good size home and garden).

I don't care that he isn't invited, just that he has been invited, when he is aware of the invite now. He will now be hearing kids talking about the party at school, thinking he is going, but not able to go.

OP posts:
spoonbillstretford · 21/05/2025 18:31

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 18:29

😂😂😂 are you acting deliberately obtuse?

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I'm agreeing with 98% of people who voted. If you are in the 2%, I'd say that make you the obtuse one.

TooGoodToGoto · 21/05/2025 18:31

TortolaParadise · 21/05/2025 18:29

Slightly off point but this reminds me of the reactions and responses shared when adults are uninvited to weddings, hen dos, holidays....Uninviting, seems common judging by threads posted here. I guess the best option is to work on resilience. Life is full of disappointments and pleasures in non equal measures (as my parents would say).

Or work on inviting the people you want to attend in the first place?

Just an idea?

Toocoolforyou · 21/05/2025 18:30

It is very rude. Its a 7 year old child. I would never uninvite a child from a party, I think that says a lot about a person. Shocking behaviour from a teacher too.

OP, I understand your anger, I would be too. I'm not sure I would have blocked her, I wouldn't want her to know I was even bothered. But you have now and on the other hand, why should you take slack for blocking her, when she had complete contempt for you and your child.

Its just a party, It will last a couple of hours and you will get over it. But she will look like a complete cow. If I was on the whatsapp group and seen you had been removed, I would be very curious to know what had happened. Then I would judge her when I found out and feel very sorry for your son.

TooGoodToGoto · 21/05/2025 18:30

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 18:25

You’ve made a whole thread about it and openly admitted you were RUDE to her and then BLOCKED her without giving her a chance to explain. Instead of trying to sort the situation out you made it about yourself and how you feel rather than what’s best for your son.

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Should she have made HALF a thread about it?

TortolaParadise · 21/05/2025 18:29

Slightly off point but this reminds me of the reactions and responses shared when adults are uninvited to weddings, hen dos, holidays....Uninviting, seems common judging by threads posted here. I guess the best option is to work on resilience. Life is full of disappointments and pleasures in non equal measures (as my parents would say).

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 18:29

spoonbillstretford · 21/05/2025 18:07

Yes they do. Correct ones and incorrect ones. There's no grey area here.

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😂😂😂 are you acting deliberately obtuse?

141mum · 21/05/2025 18:28

Very odd, bitch of a women

elfendom · 21/05/2025 18:26

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 18:20

😂😂😂😂 look at the comments aimed at the parent. You will see the people that have made them comments have no morals. Imagine getting that worked up over a post you’re sending hate towards a parent they don’t know over a mistake. Embarrassing. Bad parenting.

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what does your comment mean?

MeridianB · 21/05/2025 18:25

You've done the right thing. It's really low. Glad she is blocked now. Hope your son is OK about it all.

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 18:25

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:01

How have I made a big deal? I have just called out her behaviour as rude, after confirming that it indeed is! (Vast majority here have agreed)

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You’ve made a whole thread about it and openly admitted you were RUDE to her and then BLOCKED her without giving her a chance to explain. Instead of trying to sort the situation out you made it about yourself and how you feel rather than what’s best for your son.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/05/2025 18:25

JIMER202 · 21/05/2025 18:24

Sorry but I also don’t understand how she added you ‘by mistake’…

Select wrong person from contacts list and add them, it’s pretty easy

JIMER202 · 21/05/2025 18:24

Sorry but I also don’t understand how she added you ‘by mistake’…

TooGoodToGoto · 21/05/2025 18:23

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 18:20

😂😂😂😂 look at the comments aimed at the parent. You will see the people that have made them comments have no morals. Imagine getting that worked up over a post you’re sending hate towards a parent they don’t know over a mistake. Embarrassing. Bad parenting.

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Word salad 🥗

I would guess typed in anger and not really making a lot of sense….

You will see the people that have made them comments have no morals

Just what does that actual sentence mean?

JIMER202 · 21/05/2025 18:23

Sounds like a complete moron. Be glad you now are free from the obligation of having to spend time around her.

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:21

Helen1625 · 21/05/2025 18:17

@Exaltedmalteaser I would be mightily pissed off too, in your situation. How rude! Even having mistakenly sent the message, she could have just kept quiet and let your boy go. Taking back the invite is really unkind.

I see you've text her and told her she's rude - has there been any further exchanges? Or an instant block ince you told her this?

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No, I gave her a day to reply to the message saying she was rude, and there was still no contrition in the second message, which is why I blocked.

OP posts:
TheArtfulNavyDreamer · 21/05/2025 18:20

Is she wrong? Yes it’s lacking in class and social etiquette. Its entirely possible that once she gets past the kids party stress she gives her head a shake and feels thoroughly embarrassed. Anyway that being said your son will be fine. If you’re worried about his feelings being hurt by the kids talking about the party then you could always arrange something fun to do that day.

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 18:20

TooGoodToGoto · 21/05/2025 18:01

Agreed 👍

But sadly a limited amount, currently 2% and I think we know who both of those are, don’t have the same morals.

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😂😂😂😂 look at the comments aimed at the parent. You will see the people that have made them comments have no morals. Imagine getting that worked up over a post you’re sending hate towards a parent they don’t know over a mistake. Embarrassing. Bad parenting.

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:19

nocontactquery · 21/05/2025 18:18

just to clarify-you and others were added to a WhatsApp group for the party, you replied in the group your son could go and then she removed you from the group and messaged privately that it was a mistake to have invited him? If so, then I think the other parents may even ask about that/see she was incredibly rude too I'd say! So bad!

Yes this is exactly it. Before removing me, she also deleted my response (just saying 'X would love to come')

OP posts:
nocontactquery · 21/05/2025 18:18

just to clarify-you and others were added to a WhatsApp group for the party, you replied in the group your son could go and then she removed you from the group and messaged privately that it was a mistake to have invited him? If so, then I think the other parents may even ask about that/see she was incredibly rude too I'd say! So bad!

mindutopia · 21/05/2025 18:18

Yes, it’s very rude. For two years running, I’ve invited the wrong child to one of my dc’s parties. Not the same wrong child, a new one each year. He has both a Jacob and a Tyler in his year. Apparently, there is also a Jacob in the year above and a Tyler in the year below. Their bins with all their bags are just in one big room and he put them in the wrong child’s bin.

No big deal. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I worked it out when they RSVPed and we made space for them and they were very welcome to attend. It was my mistake, not the child’s so I’d never be a jerk about it.

Anyway, what’s done is done. Just plan a lovely day with your dc instead and don’t make a big deal of any of it.

Helen1625 · 21/05/2025 18:17

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:09

I don't see how engaging with her any further will help either. It's clear there will never be a playdate now.

I just can't be bothered with people like her in my life.

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@Exaltedmalteaser I would be mightily pissed off too, in your situation. How rude! Even having mistakenly sent the message, she could have just kept quiet and let your boy go. Taking back the invite is really unkind.

I see you've text her and told her she's rude - has there been any further exchanges? Or an instant block ince you told her this?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/05/2025 18:17

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:16

She made the decision to uninvite and then not propose an alternative, she had time to do that. It's quite clear that I shouldn't expect anything from her now.

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No it wasn’t, until you blocked her. I can see why the 2 of you didn’t manage to have a successful conversation.

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 18:16

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/05/2025 18:13

Well she couldn’t if she wanted to. You’ve decided for her.

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She made the decision to uninvite and then not propose an alternative, she had time to do that. It's quite clear that I shouldn't expect anything from her now.

OP posts:
AJ20 · 21/05/2025 18:16

Such as inviting a child ypu clearly don't want at a party for whatever reason 🙄

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 18:15

Nursemumma92 · 21/05/2025 18:00

Kids pick up on all sorts- my 7 year old absolutely does know what day of the week it is. It is hurtful for a 7 year old to know and think he's going to a party then uninvited- kids could all be talking about it at school and he'd wonder why he did get to go in the end. I've seen this exact thing happen in my child's class- not where an invite is rescinded but where a parent couldn't be bothered to take the child at the last minute and he was devastated on the Monday when all his friends were talking about it and he'd missed it.

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That’s your 7 year old, but all 7 year olds are like that. Surely the op can say to him we have other plans and take him somewhere else? Think if the child in this instead of blaming a mistake