Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think uninviting a child to a party is exceedingly rude

363 replies

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 16:26

My child (7 years old)got a party invite via a WhatsApp group. I asked him if he wanted to come, he did, and I replied saying he would love to come on the group. So far, so normal.

I then was removed from the group, and received a message to say that his invite was a mistake.

AIBU to think regardless of mistakes, you don't uninvite? My child has been in nursery/school with this child for years, they play together, and it's not a small party either, or one where numbers are critical or pay per head (just a party at home, which is also fine, and I know they have a good size home and garden).

I don't care that he isn't invited, just that he has been invited, when he is aware of the invite now. He will now be hearing kids talking about the party at school, thinking he is going, but not able to go.

OP posts:
Motheroffive999 · 21/05/2025 16:50

This is just mean

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 16:49

takehimjolene · 21/05/2025 16:47

Unless there's much more to this that's incredibly rude and brazen of them. I once did genuinely end up with a child invited to my child's birthday party by mistake (invitations handed out by school teacher and I had no idea that there would be 2 children in the class with the same unusual name). It was a small party and my child hardly knew the other child but as they accepted I wouldn't have dreamed of uninviting her. (She came along, they all got on well, no drama). Like Tootiredforthis suggested, I'd pretend to my child that I'd decided he couldn't go because I'd forgotten about some other exciting thing we were doing that day.

This is it, mistakes happen, but I would have thought parents would still include following. I would never dream of uninviting a child in this situation.

OP posts:
EggnogNoggin · 21/05/2025 16:47

I'd definitely be bitching about it to other mums and laying it on thick that my sin was upset.

As this thread shows, people will judge her and I'd get some satisfaction out of that.

takehimjolene · 21/05/2025 16:47

Unless there's much more to this that's incredibly rude and brazen of them. I once did genuinely end up with a child invited to my child's birthday party by mistake (invitations handed out by school teacher and I had no idea that there would be 2 children in the class with the same unusual name). It was a small party and my child hardly knew the other child but as they accepted I wouldn't have dreamed of uninviting her. (She came along, they all got on well, no drama). Like Tootiredforthis suggested, I'd pretend to my child that I'd decided he couldn't go because I'd forgotten about some other exciting thing we were doing that day.

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 16:45

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 16:33

I have said her uninviting him is rude. She said sorry and it's 'just' a mistake. No backstory. I think she really has no insight.

Show quote history

If it was a mistake I doubt she cares what you think or about your child.

Littlemisscapable · 21/05/2025 16:45

Beyond rude.

Heronwatcher · 21/05/2025 16:44

BeSpryMoose · 21/05/2025 16:39

So why didn't the mum explain the nature of the mistake, ie sorry got the wrong Harry. The fact that she provided absolutely no clarification means she knows she's been caught out being really rude but isn't prepared to explain why. Thats not just rude it's cowardice.

Show quote history

Well if it’s the “your child has bashed mine with a stick and my child now hates them” perhaps that’s why?

Even if it’s “we meant to invite Harry B but I got the wrong person because you’re next to his mum on my contact” she’s not obliged to explain and probably feels quite embarrassed.

It’s also possible that she meant to invite the OP’s child but has now realised that she can’t afford it. Again embarrassing to explain but understandable?

If it wasn’t a genuine mistake what’s the alternative- that she invited the OPs child deliberately just so she could uninvite and make life difficult for herself/ make the child feel sad.

Either way, I’m not denying it’s rude but not worth starting a major feud over.

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 16:44

DancingHippos · 21/05/2025 16:31

Have you asked her why he was uninvited? Have you called her out on it saying how your child was looking forward to the party?

I doubt the parent would care.

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 16:44

I suspect it was name confusion, which can happen, but the uninviting part is still rude. I reply only a day after the invite so unlikely much had changed, and also others still hadn't RSVPed, so numbers were not confirmed yet.

OP posts:
Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 16:43

SummerInSun · 21/05/2025 16:28

Agree. Unless there is a massive backstory about your child bullying the birthday child or similar, that’s not on. If I’d made that sort of mistake I’d go through with having the other child there. You can’t possibly rescind an invite to a seven year old without a really, really good reason.

Number of kids invited, the cost of things are reasons. The the parent did uninvited the child without giving a really really good reason

BeSpryMoose · 21/05/2025 16:39

Heronwatcher · 21/05/2025 16:36

I suspect either she meant for a different person in the first place (my class had 3 Harrys it was a nightmare) or your child has bashed hers with a stick or something since the invite was sent!

Either way do you really want your DC at a party where they aren’t welcome? Yes it’s rude but I think if it’s a genuine mistake it’s probably for the best. You also don’t know that extras can be accommodated easily, she could have booked an activity with strict numbers or already ordered expensive party bag stuff.

So why didn't the mum explain the nature of the mistake, ie sorry got the wrong Harry. The fact that she provided absolutely no clarification means she knows she's been caught out being really rude but isn't prepared to explain why. Thats not just rude it's cowardice.

GreenClock · 21/05/2025 16:38

In the days before WhatsApp I addressed a paper invitation to Kate instead of Cate (my son was friends with the latter but barely knew the former and I didn’t know that there were two children with the same name spelled differently). When I realised the mistake I just invited Cate asap and explained to her dad why the invitation was a bit late. No way would I have uninvited the other child!

Heronwatcher · 21/05/2025 16:38

Also I’d just book something else with your DC or visit a family member so they have a really obvious reason why they can’t attend.

Tootiredforthis23 · 21/05/2025 16:38

That’s out of order, you don’t uninvite a child. From her response she’s clearly not bothered so I wouldn’t mention. I wouldn’t tell your child what has happened though, I would book somewhere to go or something fun to do and say it was your mistake as you’d forgotten you already had something on that day.

NestEmptying · 21/05/2025 16:37

I would be wondering why as well.
Perhaps the parent invited them and then the child vetoed it. Should have checked first but it's possible to see how that might happen.

Imagine if you were that parent. If there's a good reason why the child doesn't want them there then MN would be all for honouring your child's wishes. However, yes they were rude for not telling you why. Maybe they don't like confrontation.

MidnightPatrol · 21/05/2025 16:37

Incredibly rude.

What an odd woman.

TeaAndToast8 · 21/05/2025 16:36

Yep that’s really rude.

justkeepswimingswiming · 21/05/2025 16:36

is that all she said? I wouldn’t be bothering with her in the future & would just blank her.

BeSpryMoose · 21/05/2025 16:36

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 16:33

I have said her uninviting him is rude. She said sorry and it's 'just' a mistake. No backstory. I think she really has no insight.

Show quote history

I'd be telling at least one of the other parents what has happened, as a warning, it could be their child excluded next time.

Heronwatcher · 21/05/2025 16:36

I suspect either she meant for a different person in the first place (my class had 3 Harrys it was a nightmare) or your child has bashed hers with a stick or something since the invite was sent!

Either way do you really want your DC at a party where they aren’t welcome? Yes it’s rude but I think if it’s a genuine mistake it’s probably for the best. You also don’t know that extras can be accommodated easily, she could have booked an activity with strict numbers or already ordered expensive party bag stuff.

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 16:35

It’s life. Get over it

PrettyPuss · 21/05/2025 16:34

I would not message but I would approach the parent (calmly) in person to ask them why they did this. On the surface of it, it is despicable behavior and highly irregular.

BeSpryMoose · 21/05/2025 16:33

Yes that is really rude. I would be telling the parent that my child was looking forward to the party and that he is very upset. She needs calling out on this.

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 16:33

DancingHippos · 21/05/2025 16:31

Have you asked her why he was uninvited? Have you called her out on it saying how your child was looking forward to the party?

I have said her uninviting him is rude. She said sorry and it's 'just' a mistake. No backstory. I think she really has no insight.

OP posts:
ToWhitToWhoo · 21/05/2025 16:32

Yes, that's VERY rude!

Swipe left for the next trending thread